Hear Their Prayer!

I just got off the phone with Dr. A, my receptivity uterine biopsy report came in!  Low and behold, my uterus is receptive on day six!  Even though we do not know if it is also receptive on day five, we are planning on a day six transfer!  I did get pregnant with my sons on a day six transfer so this may be our missing link!  Dr. Amin said she was VERY HOPEFUL for our up coming cycle!  I think I am too!

However, yesterday I had some mixed emotions.  C and I stayed up the night before dreaming about trips we want to take in the future... Greek Islands... Cinque Terre... etc.  The following morning he comes down and says, "lets not do this cycle, lets just go travel!  We can take off to Europe for Fourth of July!" I just looked at him with a sad face.

I went up stairs and started asking God, "Should we just stop trying, Lord?"  I began to think about how easy it would be and is getting to travel with our boys.  Having more children would definitely make it so much harder to go around the world. I continued to pray for clarity.

I got my answer to prayer at the doctors office.  I had to go get my infectious disease test redone because mine had expired.  I had my twins with me and Maximus asked, "Mommy why do we always go to this doctor."  I just had to explain... I mean how much you can explain to four year olds. I replied, "well, some people have babies very easily and Mommy and Daddy need a little extra help from doctors."  I went on, "You know Daddy really wants to go travel the world, we can do that, or we can try for a baby one more time.  What do you think?"  Rocco replied, "Mommy, lets just try for a baby one more time and if God doesn't give us one, then we can go travel." Maximus quickly added, "Ya mommy, I want my twin sisters, then we can go to Paris!" If that isn't an answer to prayer I don't know what is!?  This is faith of a child(ren).

I texted Chris with what had transpired.  He is in.  We are now doing this last cycle for them, yes for us, but for them who desperately want a baby or two.  Please God hear their prayer!

The Joy of the Lord is My Strength!

I read this during my quiet time with the Lord and had to share!

"This is the sacred day before the Lord. Don't be dejected and sad, for the joy of the Lord is your strength!" Nehemiah 8:10

What a great reminder! I had just got done asking God 'why' we are going through this trial, of loss (two miscarriages and still no baby), and heartbreak, and he reminded me that the 'why' wasn't important. Going through this I am still able to have so much Joy, hope and strength, for the Joy of the Lord of MY strength! What matters more than the 'why' of heartbreak, is that we put our hope and trust in the Lord through these trials! 

Each and everyone of us have our own struggles and trials in this life, but we can still have JOY and he will give us HIS strength to get through it! 

If you are going through something, like IF, I pray you put your hope and trust in the Lord, because he can make the broken pieces in our life beautiful!

UPDATES:

I'm on my second week of BCP's, still waiting for my biopsy report, which should be here any day.  Meds are ordered and I can't believe I will be starting Lupron at the end of the week for IVF #3!  This is getting real!

Moving Forward!!!

What wrench I was thrown! I was not planning on our 5aa not making the thaw, and I was not planning Having  feelings of trying again! Yup! We are doing one last IVF because we never even got a chance with this cycle! I can't believe it but I feel excited again! I guess I was so down about our 5aa was because that cycle totally did NOT go as planned! We didn't even get a chance!

Dr Amin wanted to talk to Dr R, my Original RE about The new plan prior to us beginning. I received a call from her this morning and Dr R wanted me to do a mock transfer with a biopsy next month to see what day my uterus is most receptive to transfer an embryo. All these transfers have been on day 6 of progesterone, when I got pregnant with the boys, they were transferred on day 7 of progesterone because they were rescue ICSI'd. They think possibly my uterus is more receptive after 7 days!

My heart sank because that would just push out this process even more! I would have to a 'pretend' fet, do the patches, and Shots to biopsy on day 6. Well I told her that is just too much! So she had me give myself a shot and come in today since today would be the day I transferred with the boys!

What a relief!! I gave myself another P4 shot (I have been doing them in the morning so I didn't miss a day), took some ibuprofen and went in for the biopsy. Not bad at all! A little cramps for a min and it was done! Phew! Not I should start my period this week some time, then the bcps!

We will be doing long lupron, but with a much lower dose of stims, and adding Human Growth Hormone when the follies get to 14mm to help with egg quality. Also, I'm going back to start taking some supplements from the list my RE gave me for egg quality.  Apparently less is more so we will be shooting for less eggs yet better quality.  I think that must be what the issue was, a bad batch of eggs. Dr. Amin mentioned that I have a TON of eggs but with so many the quality goes down.

I will get the results of my biopsy in two weeks, but we'll start the BCP's right away!

Also, we plan to do a fresh transfer of TWO embryos and PGS the rest, given we have some good one!

I have to say, I'm excited again!  Yesterday I wasn't even sad really, it was more of a relief!  I was so relieved that we didn't have to go through the 2ww torture, which I feel is the WORST part of the whole process!  It is so emotional and you get attached to what ever is put in you, hoping it's THE ONE(S)!

I was SO sure this last transfer was going to be it, but I didn't even get a chance to try ONE MORE TIME.  So this WILL be it folks!  Our official LAST IVF!  I know you are probably tired of me saying that! ;-)

Bad news

Our embryo didn't make the thaw. I have mixed emotions. Relieved that we didn't transfer it and have to go through the 2ww and it also makes me want to try one last time since we didn't get a shot at this one! Ugh!!!! IF SUCKS! I am meeting with my RE at 2pm! Stay tuned!!

Anxiously waiting...

Tomorrow is finally here! I feel so different this time.  I don't have the excitement and Joy and hope I once had.  Tomorrow feels more like closure to this crazy TTC train I've been on.  All my hopes and dreams of growing our family end tomorrow.  Tomorrow feels like this is going to be it... one way or another.

I wrote a Thank You note to our embryologist with a picture of our miracle rescue ICSI, the ones she saved, and helped make!  The note said something like this...

Dear Kristine, 

I wanted to thank you again for helping give us 

our best gift we have ever received, 

our miracle twin boys, 

Rocco and Maximus Fenoglio.

This is likely our last transfer in attempting to expand our family and I wanted 

to thank you so much for the work you do.  

We are forever grateful to you!

We are praying that the Lord blesses you and your family

beyond measure.

Love The F______ Family, 

Chris, Sara, Rocco and Maximus

I added this picture of my twins...

I had tears in my eyes when I wrote that note.  Looking back on our journey has been so powerful, and humbling.  I am so beyond grateful for my twins.  I cannot imagine my life without them.  They have filled my life with so much joy, so much life.

So yes, We have our 5AA, that we are SO praying makes a baby.  I have placed this embryo into the hands of Our Father.  May His will be done.  I now have so much peace, either way, that our family will be complete. God is so SO good.

"Be strong and courageous!  Don't be afraid or discouraged... 

For there is a power far greater on our side! ... 

We have the LORD our God to help us and to fight our battles for us!" 

2 Chronicles 32:7-8

AMEN!

A wish upon a puff...

We all know what you do when you blow on a dandelion puff... make a wish!  My boys love to blow these and make wishes.  I've taught them however, that thesewishes are like prayers to heaven, so that they always know who is listening.  A few days ago, Rocco wished upon a puff and said, "I wish for a baby in Mommy's tummy,"  I really pray these little "prayer wishes" make it to heaven and get answered!  It made me tear up a little when he said that so I wanted to document it here!  :)

Transfer is scheduled!!

Eeeek!  I'm excited... anxiously excited for MONDAY!  Yup!  That is just around the corner and will be here before we know it!

Lining was 11.8 today, nice and thick, and actually the thickest ever!  So I am [getting] super hopeful for this little guy or girl.  I gave myself my first shot in the bum today and I must have hit a sweet spot because I am already sore, super sore and it has a welt! Not fun but I'm praying this will be worth it this time.

I know God has a plan, I know he CAN do this, I am just praying he WILL.

Because of everything going on with this FET, we decided it would be best if I stayed home with the boys this year and not join my husband in Hawaii! C makes president club for his company every year and we have been so blessed to have take the boys the last four years!  The weather is not always great, last year was cold and rainy actually, so I hope I am not missing too much.

However, since C is gone for the next four days, I decided to hit San Diego with my boys, just us three.  We just checked into this BEAUTIFUL Spanish style hotel in La Jolla.  We are going to the Zoo tomorrow, and other than that I just want to rest!  I'm super exhausted, dizzy, and headachy from all the meds.

I just changed my E2 patches yesterday (still on 6), but  they are lowering it to four patches again friday (praise Jesus!), because I just don't feel well.  Dr. Amin thinks it has to do with the claritin, but I don't think so.  I felt fine until I started the patches!

I will leave you with a pic of my surfer boys I just took down in the lobby!  :)  Prayers appreciated that I will feel better AND for a major miracle!!!!  Thank you all!