Tomorrow...

All has been well.  I've been feeling good, staying busy, loving my boys and my family.  But then yesterday I was a wreck.  I got on google for good reason, looking for success stories of this DQ Alpha Match and what I found did not give me hope at all.  Most if not all the stories the people ended up using a surrogate in the end.  That is just not going to be in the cards for us.

I was emotional. crying.  my DH not being supporting said, "I never wanted to do any of this."  Just made it worse because then I felt so alone.  He is supposed to be me team mate.  In the end he appologized saying he just doesn't like to see me do all these shots etc.  I get it. I don't like it either.  I truly did believe God would bless our family, we have so much love to give.

We have been back and forth on transferring our last two and throwing in the towel and "calling it a day," to "no if we want a healthy baby, the best thing for everyone (me and the embryo) is to just put one in."  That is also what my RI recommended.  Because we have this DQ match, it could cause my immune system to elevate the NK cells and kill the baby :(  One is less stress.

Last week I did back to back infusions with my mom being my nurse at home.  It was a little stressful because one I had the boys home with me and two she had to learn how to use this IV pump.  It was different than the one at her hospital.  She is a labor and delivery nurse.  Once we got going it was fine.  I'm still on 10 mg prednisone, doing twice daily heparin. Tomorrow is T Day.  Fingers and toes crossed.

My montra for this cycle is THY WILL BE DONE.  I cannot imagine if this doesn't work, going through it again.  One day at a time.  I can't even look past tomorrow.  I can't pray for a baby.  I just want Gods will. However, once that life is in me... how can I not pray for its life?

The day after transfer, I'm going to up the prednisone to 30 mg.  So scared of moon face.  But if this works... I'll take it.