For this Child we have prayed...

I'm six weeks six days today, tomorrow SEVEN WEEKS!  I have not been able to say that since I was pregnant with my twins!  God is so good!

Monday was our ultrasound, to say that I was nervous, would be an understatement.  After so much loss, its like I'm just waiting for bad news.  But, its a miracle...

As of Monday, I was 6 weeks and 2 days and our little peanut was measuring 6 weeks 1 day and had a beautiful heartbeat of 113! I was in tears. After 2 1/2 years ttc #3, two IVF's, seven transfers, four miscarriages, so many tears, begging and pleading with God, and finally surrendering to His perfect will, even if that didn't include any more children, he blessed us.

Each day is such a blessing, and I really beginning to believe this WILL BE OUR RAINBOW baby! My pregnancy symptoms are getting stronger.  Today I was very nauseated until I ate something and may appetite is really off... or Im starving.  My stomach bloat is out of control... and I only have one baby!  I haven't gained any weight yet, I fluctuate between 136 or 137.  This is shocking to me since I'm on STEROIDS of all things.

We go back at 8 weeks for ultrasound  # 2.  I honestly thought I would be having more, like I did with the twins, but I don't want them.  They are a source of major anxiety.  Although, I continue to do my best to cast all my anxieties over to the Lord.... I know this little one is in his hands!

Blood is drawn!

Its been three days since my last beta.  Not sure why they do it every three days instead of two.  Its so much easier to calculate two, I think.  But, I'm so nervous!  Anxiously waiting the result.

I'm homeschooling Rocco and Maximus this year, but they have been going to a homeschool campus and taking classes.  Let me tell you, trying to teach twins is no easy feat.  However, this year has been such a blessing in growth and direction for all of us.  I really felt that God led us down the road to homeschooling.  However, next year, they are going to be at a local Christian school, I am SOOO excited about!  It is an amazing school, Christ centered.

I decided to finish up May just homeschooling at home, no more classes.  So to pass the time of the BETA results, we had a beautiful day at the nature center in Newport Beach.  Its 1:52 here, and I feel like I should be getting a call any minute!

Here are a few pics from our day...

And last but not least... MORE POAS... ;-)

Beta #1 @ 12 dpt = 291

Beta #2 @ 15 dpt = ???

BETA #2 is... 997!!!!!

I was shooting for 900, so I will take it!  Looks like our little bean is growing right on track!  The bad news is that my Progesterone was only 8.2, so I'm now going to be adding nightly PIO, but anything for this little miracle!  Praise Jesus!

Little hats...

I am getting more and more excited about the arrival of my baby boys!  Fear has left and anticipation has arrived!  At 34 +5  we are in a safe zone if they were delivered.  I am sure what I was struggling with prior, had a lot to do with having premature babies.  I know now that my babies will be safe!

I had another NST today and the boys did awesome!  It showed my uterus is still very irritable, however, and I had only one big contraction.  During that contraction, Baby B moved and it started picking up my heart beat, which scared me!  As I was watching the monitor I saw his heart rate decel! So, Dr. I wanted to ensure that it was just my own heart rate and so he did a BPP (Biophysical Profile)as well, which monitors fluid, hear rate, muscle tone, movement and breathing.  It was awesome seeing both boys doing their practices breathing!  And Baby B had the hiccups!   So cute!  All was confirmed good for both. 

My cervix is STILL CLOSED, however, it is beginning to soften.  So it looks like we're headed in the right direction!

I have already booked a photographer for when the boys come home.  Newborn photo's should be done within the first two weeks after birth, or once I'm able to bring them home.  I saw these cute little elf hats and thought they would look adorable for their photo shoot... I can't wait!

Great doctor appointment!

During the NST, babies did awesome, of course, and I only had a couple of little contractions!  Yesterday I didn't even need to take any procardia and I haven't taken any today either!  It seems as if my "irritable uterus" has calmed down a bit!  Dr. I was very happy and decided not to check my cervix today since I haven't had much uterine "activity." 

He then checked the fluid levels and they looked awesome!  Babies are still butting heads at the top of my uterus, right under my ribs.  I asked if my cervix had been dilating or effacing at the last appointment on Tuesday and he said, "Not at all!"  I am so happy that bedrest is working so well.  I asked if that means "I'm off bedrest?"  He said "you can do much more activity now, but I'm not saying go walk around the mall!"  I laughed and said, "I don't think I would be able to walk around the mall!"

So basically, I am off modified bedrest and it has been switched to restricted activity! YAY!  Not really sure how that's going to change, but I will definitely feel more comfortable taking (driving) my dog to the park and letting him play!

I also asked about scheduling a c-section.  At the hospital where I'm delivering, I guess there is a waiting list.  He said it is not worth scheduling because he doesn't think I would even make 38 weeks (we'll see!).  But, I am happy because I am hoping to go into labor naturally, so at least I can experience what labor feels like before my c-section.  I know that can change quickly, however, if fluid is low, etc.


My reminders of why I did so well on bedrest and really rested...  I can't wait to hold and kiss their little cheeks, fingers and toes!

                                                                       

                                            

Baby B                                                                               Baby A

Four weeks of Bedrest down...

Thats right!  I'm 34 weeks today and am so extremely happy to be at this point!  Four weeks ago, when we had the pre-term-labor scare, I wasn't sure if we would make it to 32!  Bedrest WORKS!

Last week I started my twice weekly doctor appointments.  Friday was my first NST (non-stress-test).  Here are a couple pics.  In the first one, I had to click the button every time I felt movement.  With two babies, I'm clicking that thing A LOT!  In the next pic, the top strip monitors contractions and the two lower are for my babies heart rates.  Nurses were in and out trying to find them, because my boys are so active!  Tuesday, I had a few really big contractions that went off the chart!  It measured 100 and the machine couldn't record the peak of the contraction!  Dr. I was happy with the results because both babies did just fine through even the big one!

My cervix is still closed and firm, shockingly enough!  At 34 weeks I'm thinking I can start being a little more mobile too (although I know my boys are NOT ready to come yet).  Bedrest has kept them cooking to get to this safer zone.  I know if they were to deliver, they would be JUST FINE, and only need a little help... 36 weeks is still the goal!

I am still taking it easy on the cleaning and house work... not doing any!  But, I am getting up more to make myself food, getting the mail, pool time, movies, and dinner out.  I went to my first movie on Sunday and saw Friends with Benefits... SUCH a CUTE movie! C dropped me off right in front, where I sat and waited for him to park and buy our tickets.  Then he made me go the bathroom so I didn't have to get up and go in the middle of the movie (which I did anyways!).  After the movie, he had me sit and then went and got the car to pick me up!  He is taking REALLY great care of me... and our babies :)


Both babies are still breech and spinning babies is not working :-/  I have come to terms with having a csection now and am okay with it.  I was really getting used to the idea of a vaginal delivery because baby A was Vertex from weeks 20 - 31!  He's a little stinker!  At my last appointment it showed that Baby A has has dropped into my pelvis, butt first.  It is causing me to pee ALL THE TIME!  At night, I wake up every 2-3 hours to go to the bathroom.  I know this is preparation for whats to come, except I won't be able to go back to sleep, I'll be up feeding and changing diapers!  I can't wait!

Over all I'm still feeling good, just been VERY tired.  I feel like its first trimester all over again!  I have a horrible appetite, nothing sounds good, and I sleep in so late!

My waist has gone from a 27 inches to 44!  I am now looking forward to getting back in shape!  We are planning a family vacation in Maui next June which will be my motivation!  Last summer we spent our 3rd year anniversary in Kauai!  It was amazing!  This year, we'll spend our 4th Anniversary, August 17th, in the hospital or carrying for babies!  I wouldn't have any other way!

My 32 week bump

I was up for just a minute to take this pic.  32 weeks 1 day...

32 weeks and holding tight!

Thanks for all of your comments on my last post, its good to know I'm not the only one who's been feeling like this! :) 

After my last post, I actually had a really nice night with the hubs!  I was feeling so down about everything I just wanted to feel loved again.  We watched Braveheart (a classic) and cuddled closely on the couch.  It was so nice feeling his arms around me again and even (TMI) made out a bit! ;-)  It was perfect!  So even though, I'm on MBR (modified bed rest) I realized we can still maintain that lovin feeling... even without s-e-x.

I had a doctor appointment again on Tuesday and it went, again, AMAZINGLY, well.  Dr. I was pleasently pleased with cervix and even thought it may have lengthened a bit.  It is firm and closed, which means BR is working!  I am now able to float in the pool AND go to a movie, as long as I don't have to do a lot of walking.

Wednesday, a friend picked me up and took me to her house where we lounged pool side and also floated around... HEAVEN!  It was so nice to get out side and get some vitamin D and just change the scenery from my living room!

With all of this good news, I am really hoping we can make it four more weeks and bring me to week 36!  Its looking good, but would still appreciate prayers that my body still will keep these babies in!

Here's my 32 week update:

How big are the babies: I've got TWO large Jicama's in my belly!
Your babies are really plumping up and will gain almost half their body weight by the time you deliver.  This needed body fat will help to keep them warm in the outside world.  The layer of soft lanugo hair is also starting to shed.

Over the next few weeks your babies real hair and skin will become smooth and soft.

Total weight gain: I'm still at 33 lbs!  Geeze!   I am sure I'm losing precious muscle and gaining flab. 

Sleep: Great!  I've been sleeping in a lot more now too!  On Sunday I woke up at 10!!!  I haven't done that in years!
GENDER: Two precious little BOYS!!!! We are more than blessed :)



Movement: Lots!  Some days it a lot more than others.  This morning they were literally going crazy in there!  I love it!

Food Cravings: I feel like its first trimester all over again!  My appetite is really funky and I am not very hungry.  Most of the time I know I'm hugry because I start having heartburn!  Once I eat it goes away.  I rarely "feel" like eating anything.


What I miss: Going on walks with my Dog and husband.  I also really miss yoga, my neck is getting sore from all the lounging.


What I'm looking forward to: This weekend I'm celebrating 4th of July at my parents!  On the actual day, I was stuck inside on Strict BR.  We have fireworks to light off and I plan on floating in the pool.  My parents also plan on BBQing... a classic American meal!  Hamburgers (and vegeburgers), coleslaw, fruit salad, peach pie and vanilla ice cream!  I can't wait!  Don't worry I will be very taken care of and won't be up serving myself :)


Milestones: I made my first goal of 32 weeks!!!!  This is a big milestone in lung development with babies!  Basically babies born anytime from now, will be just FINE! 


Symptoms: My hands are swollen.  I can no longer wear my rings... well, I haven't been able to in weeks.  I believe starting at week 31, I woke up with painful joints in my fingers.  I know its from the swelling, but it feels like artheritis!  My feet aren't too bad.  I think because I keep them elevated most of the day it helps :)

A Marraige On Hold

Yesterday was a very hard day.  It ended in crying, by me.  I think sitting around gives me too much time to think.  Bed rest has been VERY challenging in many ways.  It is especially difficult on our marriage.  I don't want to sound like now we are struggling in any way, because that is the FARTHEST from the truth.  Its just that being unable to do ANYTHING for yourself, let alone your husband, changes the dynamics of a relationship.  I feel like a sick patient and he has to take care of me.  Its not the loving marraige I'm used to.  I was in tears yesterday because I was sad on how much things are changing, and how much of an invalid I feel.

My husband is my best friend and love of my life.  I was hoping these last few weeks, where it is just the two of us, we would be able to ENJOY each other.  I know once the babies come home, our relationship will take another turn, which is what we wanted and have been waiting for, but it is also scary since "the end" is now in sight.  I guess its scary because its the unknown.  I have no idea how its going to be, how WE are going to be as parents and as partners.  For now it seems like our marriage is, in a sence, on hold for a while... at least until we get the hang of being parents!

What gives me comfort is I always remember that God gives us what we can handle.  He felt and knew that WE could handle this twin pregnancy, WE could handle the bed rest, WE could handle being parents to twin boys, and then We can handle and endure all of this and keep our marraige strong!  As hard as it is right now, I remind myself, in the end all will be well!

31 weeks and counting...

We made it another week!  My babies are safe and kicking away in my belly. In fact, sometimes the kicks actually hurt!  They are both breech now and are butting heads at the top of my tummy.  Sometimes it feels like they are kicking my cervix and it makes me jump!  I'm sure its actually baby A, because his little butt was resting right on top of my cervix at my last peri appointment.

Bed rest is going... okay!  Its getting better each day and I'm now in kind of a rhythm.  I wake up, take a shower before going downstairs (three flights... we live in a tri-level town home).  C makes me breakfast and fills up a pitcher of water for me before heading to work.  C's sister comes and is staying with me for the day, which has been a God send, and helps with whatever I need... food, water, errands, walking my dog, cleaning, etc.  We are paying her so its a win win for us all.  She needed a job.  We figure its totally worth the money to have help around here and keep these babies safe!

I'm still staying downstairs throughout the day and then going up only for bed.  I'm having less and less contractions and I think it is due to all the rest and the gallons of water I'm drinking.  I remember reading when I was first pregnant that with twins during third trimester, you need to drink TWO gallons of water a day to prevent pre-term labor.  I thought I was drinking enough, but now I'm not so sure.  Having this pitcher here for me really helps and I can see how much it is that I'm drinking... 2-3 pitchers a day!



How far along: 31 weeks 0 days!

How big are the babies: They are squashes... still!

Baby's going through major brain and nerve development these days. His irises now react to light, and all five senses are in working order. (He won't pick up anything from his nose until after birth, though -- smell is transferred through air, not amniotic fluid.)



Total weight gain: I haven't weighed myself in a couple days, but last time I checked I was the same... up 33 lbs!  However, I totally feel like after 1 week of bed rest I'm already getting flabby.  I hate that feeling!  I did yoga from weeks 6 to 30 which has kept me in shape, but now its going down the drain.  Hopefully I only have to stay down for a few more weeks.  Plus I know a little flab is so worth it if it means keeping my boys safe!  I already have a jogging stroller so I'll be ready to go when I get the okay.


Sleep: Still good!  I swear by my snoogle pillow!  It was the best investment!  All I read is how so many people sleep so horribly in the third trimester (knock on wood!) with a singleton!  So I'm saying its the pillow... I sleep like a baby!


GENDER: Two precious little BOYS!!!! We are more than blessed :)

Movement: Sometimes I feel like I can grab a hand or foot.  They poke at me I poke back!  Lots of fun, but I'm not sure they like it.  They move when I poke back! He He

Food Cravings: mmm... nothing new.  My appetite is funky.  Sometimes I feel like normal food and sometimes not.  I can't really be picky anymore since I can't cook though and I'm stuck on the couch.  Plus we have people from our church delivering food to us a few times a week which is sooo nice!!!

What I miss: Well lets see... doing anything for myself!


What I'm looking forward to: I have a doctor appointment tomorrow, so I'm hoping that my blood pressure stays down and I don't start trembling when I walk in the door!  I can't say I'm looking forward to that, but its nice to get out of the house!  I'm looking forward to meeting my next milestone of 32 weeks!  1 more to go!

Milestones: Next week will be my next milestone!  32 weeks I will breath easier!

Symptoms: This is horrible... I have heartburn bad.  Sometimes it gets so bad that when I'm sleeping I wake up choking on stomach acid! I inhale and there is stomach acid in my throat!  Its horrible!  I have to stay more elevated when I sleep because the babies are pushing everything up... including my stomach!

Good News!!!

I have been on the couch the last three days which has been VERY rough. Strict bed rest is so emotionally and physically draining that I don't wish it on anyone! Luckily, we have had a lot of help from family over the last few days. My mom came on Sunday to help around the house and she made us two lasagnas, one to eat and one to freeze. C was very helpful yesterday, on 4th of July, and spent the day playing domino's with me. He also BBQ'd and lit a few fireworks off in the back yard.

It was such a beautiful day yesterday too and was hard listening to so many people riding their bikes down to the beach. There was a parade downtown and then a firework show at the end of the pier. We do live in a crazy tourist town, so there were thousands of people out and about. We usually ride our bikes down to the beach and join in the festivities, but I will look forward to next year with our boys.

C's sister is here today taking care of me and helping around the house

I had my doctor appointment today! I have been pretty nervous about it because I knew that anything could happen. I knew the possibility of going back to the hospital, or having to stay on strict bed rest. When I walked in I literally began shaking and I couldn't stop. It was the weirdest thing! It happened to me at the hospital on Friday and when we had that scare back at 17 weeks. I tried to calm myself down, but it didn't work too well. When the nurse took my blood pressure I thought it might be elevated because of the nerves... it was! I NEVER have had high blood pressure in my life! 120/80 is high for me. I tend to run VERY low, sometimes 88/48 (which is when I feel lethargic).

Once Dr. I came in, he wanted to do a cervical check, not an ultrasound, but a manual one... my first one! He said that he felt that my cervix was shortening because of the natural progression of pregnancy (my body thinks there is a full term baby in there with all the weight!). The good news... My cervix is still closed and FIRM!  He was very happy with that and suggested that I no longer have to be on STRICT bed rest, but modified!  So basically house arrest with out doing any work.  Lots of rest rest rest!  But I am happy to announce that I am sitting at the computer typing and off of that dang couch!  Yes, I will still be spending a lot of time in the horizontal position, but I am feeling so much better about cooking my babies longer!  I am also still having to take the procardia every four hours because I'm still having contractions on and off, but now he says I don't have to WAKE UP to take it at night.

Because of my elevated blood pressure, he is having me come back on Friday.  I'm sure I will be going AT LEAST once a week if not twice from here on out!  If everything is still good next week, he said he will give me more privileges, which I will be looking forward too... maybe floating in the pool!

Thanks so much for all your words of encouragement, thoughts and prayers!  Please continue to pray for my little boys as they still need some time to grow and things are still so touch and go right now!

From hospital to bedrest...

I never anticipated this. I had been doing so well! I guess my body thought I was doing too much!

Friday started off a normal day. I woke up, made breakfast for and I, went to my yoga class, and was so excited to go to my perinatologist appointment.   There, my greatest fear came true... my cervix was funneling and shortened.

The tech always does all the measurements b4 the dr comes in. She always tells me what they are this time she wouldnt. She want the dr to tell me the horrible news.  As soon as she put the "dildo cam" in I saw it, the dreaded funneling...

she finished the rest of the babies measurments, and both boys were being very difficult. Baby A measured 3 lbs 4 oz and Baby B measured 2 lbs 12 oz. I was shocked by the differnce. But she reassured me that hey can be off by 8 oz, especially with twins and baby B was very hard to measure today.

Once the dr came in, he didn't look too happy. I asked, "how bad is it?" He asked me if I had been feelng any contraction. I hadn't. I wasn't even sure if I had EVER felt any! He replied, "well I won't send you to the hospital then." At that point I felt like I was dreaming. This isn't happening! I guess my cervix shortened to 1.7 from 4.4 cm, at 1.5 they automatically send u to the hosp.

This weekend C and I were planning on going to San Diego for his cousins wedding and some R &R. I was planning on floating in the pool and we even had a cabana rented for Saturday! All that ws out the window now and I was headed home on STRICT bedrest!

C came home early. I had my feet up on the couch, resting comfortably and drinking lots os H20. I was on the phone with my brother when I noticed my stomach get hard and contorted. A couple min later I had aother one. I hung up with my bro and starting timing them with an app I have on my phone... 2-3 min apart! I knew if I had 6 in an hr I was supposed to go strait to he hospital. I called my doctor. The dr on call called me back and suggested I empty my bladder and wait 30 min. I did. They slowed down to 5- 10 min apart... not stopping!

After much persuasion (c thought I was being a hypochondriac). I had him take me to the hospital. They imediately hooked me up to monitor the babies and contractions. I was contracting 2 min apart again. My doctor ordered the shot to stop the contractions. It was working! I thought I would get the shot and be sent home. Dr. I showed up at the hospital at around 9pm. He wanted me to stay for observation and said the shot only works for two hours! They started me on 10mg of percardia (sp?) and kept me over night. I was over whelmed and too worried to sleep. Yes I had my ocean view room, but I wanted to be any where but there! I had sent C hm so he could get some rest.

I was woken up every 4 hrs to take my meds, 530 am being the one where I couldn't fall asleep again. Long story short, they upped my meds to 20 mg because I was still having about 3 contractions/hr. The dr called and let me go home by noon. I've been resting since and hadn't had ay contractions... til today.

C left for his cousins wedding, my mom came over to take care of me. I had been on the couch resting and out of no where I started contracting every 2-3 min again. My mom suggested I pop another pill a little early and wait 30 min. We did, it worked!

All I can say, is this is very hard! I know some of you have been in this position for weeks and I honestly give you props! This is beyond emotionally hard. I've already cried a few times. You feel so helpless being stuck in one spot. Its really hard for me to ask for help and have people do things for me. I did post on my facebook asking for prayers for my little ones and the response was overwhelming! I know these babies are our gifts from God and he has a plan for them. I trust tha he will continue to protect them no matter if I deliver early. Honestly, given that my uterus was septated and I've had TWO surgeries on it, its been a miracle that I've made it this far without complications, for that I am thankful!

Now,new goals: 32 weeks

PS. Sorry for any typo's, I'm writting this from my phone. I don't have a wireless laptop yet! But I will very soon!

BIG SCARE...

C talked me into leaving early Tuesday night to Vegas instead of Wednesday morning.  I was actually excited to go ( I hadn't been looking forward to this trip all that much)!  We dropped Oliver off at my parents and hit the road.  I slept most of the way and we arrived to Encore at the Wynn at 11pm (a three hour drive).  I was exhausted!  By the time we were ready for Bed it was close to 1AM.  I went to the bathroom, wiped and there it was, pink tissue.  I look in the toilet and see RED BLOOD!  "Oh my Goodness!" I called C over immediately and showed him the toilet.  He freaked.  I wanted to call my mom, C didn't let me.  He said the best thing to do is wait to see if it gets worse.  I knew he was right.  There was nothing anybody could do.  So I tried to go back to sleep, but tossed and turned.  I prayed and prayed and prayed.  I woke up at 430 and it had stopped.  There was now just a tinge of pink and by morning it was brown.  Thank the Lord!

I called Dr. S and told her what had  happened.  "Have you had sex in the last 24 hours?" I responded, "yes, but it was the the night before!"  She told me that it is very common from sex because of all the extra blood flow to the uterus and cervix.  I am now on "pelvic rest" until she checks me again, which won't be until Monday!  What a way to start a vacation, huh?  I am TRAUMATIZED to say the least!

I have been taking it easy, sleeping a lot, and going to bed early.  Although yesterday we (with Dr. S's permission) took a helicoptor to the Grand Canyon!  It was a lot of fun!  We flew over the Hoover Dam, Lake Meed, The Colorado River, and then had lunch at the bottom of the Grand Canyon!  Amazing!  Its absolutely gorgeous!  I took a bunch of pics which I'll post when we get home.  I hadn't been there since I was a kid, so it was definitely fun to go back with the hubs!

Here is my 13 week update:

How Far Along: 13 weeks 1day




How Big Are the Babies: I've got two peaches in there!  Baby size 2.9 inches and .81 oz.

Up until now, your babies heads have bee proportionally larger then the rest of their bodies  but around this time your babies bodies will start to catch up and grow more proportional to their heads.

If you could peek inside your womb, you could see your babies motor skills staring to work.  Your babies are able to move and flex the arms and legs, but you won't be able to feel this movement until later.



Total Weight Gain: Probably 10 maybe 11?  I haven't weighed myself in a while.  I've been regularly gaining 1-2 lbs a week.


Maternity Clothes: I got two new dresses for this trip, very cute!.



Sleep: Sleep is not good.  I can't wait to be back in my own bed!



GENDER: TWO WEEKS 5 DAYS!!!!  March 23rd!!!


Movement: Still waiting!  I did have a dream I felt them though!  It felt so real!


Food Cravings: Nothing new really. C's company has been providing almost all the food, and it totally sucks!  The other night it was filet mignon, which I normally love, but gag!  I tried a couple bites and couldn't eat it!  It was the first steak I've tried in WEEKS!


What I Miss: My energy.  I'm in Vegas and exhausted!


What I'm looking forward to: My massage later today!  Also, going to see Dr. S on Monday to make sure the babes are A-OK

Milestones: Made it to the SECOND TRIMESTER!!  According to most books, anyway!  Some say week 14, but I'm saying now!


Symptoms: I am literally EXHAUSTED!  I just had breakfast and ready to go back to bed!  I don't think I've been sleeping all that well :-/

What to do what to do...

So I've been taking my Metformin 2250 mg for close to a year now.  I am days away from second trimester.  Both my OB and my Endocrinologist want me to stop the Met by then.  Why am I scared to?  I lowered my dose to 1500mg at 12 weeks, and tonight plan on only taking one pill, 750 mg.  I know there are plenty of PCOS patients who take metformin throughout their pregnancy.  Why do so many doctors have different protocols?  I am partially scared that if I stop, I am going to gain even MORE weight quicker and I will be very nervous about the GD (Gestational Diabetes's) test.  I don't have insulin resistance, but am worried about it being pregnant with PCOS.

If any of you know why some people stay on Met throughout pregnancy, let me know.  Thanks :)

Progress...

is being made.  Not in the hunger department, unfortunately.  I was up at 5am again this morning and hungry.  I even ate a little bowl of cereal before bed to ensure that I would be able to sleep in... nope!  These babies are hungry babies.  I know part of it is that I need to eat more.  Sometimes its hard because NOTHING sounds good.  I have added orange juice to my diet for the added calories. This is new because I would never "drink my calories" before.  I would always eat the fruit... less calories!  Now I need them.

Back to progress... I am becoming a much more confident pregnant woman instead of an infertile pregnant woman!  Here are some of the things I'm proud of:

• I'm not googling obsessively.  I am actually finding it really hard to think of things to google when I try.
• I'm not worried about Jinxing this pregnancy.  I have let go of the fear of losing one of the babies (vanishing twin).  I realize that if that were to happen, it would be because of a chromosomal problem and that is completely out of my control.
• I started prenatal yoga at a studio with a bunch of VERY pregnant women.  Yes, I kind of felt like an impostor because I am not sporting a belly (just a pooch), but I don't care.  I am doing whats good for me and my babies!  They say its best to start in the first trimester, so I did! Yesterday was my first class and I absolutely LOVE IT! This was my boldest move so far... huge!
• For my birthday, one of my good friends gave me onsies and receiving blankets.  It really freaked me out.  I wasn't able to look at them since I opened them and they stayed in the gift bag.  Yesterday I was able to lay them out on the bed, and put them away.  I didn't freak out... I got excited!  Progress!
• I'm feeling less anxious about my next ultrasound.  And waiting in general.
• I started using stretch mark cream.  Mostly for my boobs which are the main things growing.
• and I made my 8 week appointment with my OB!

I know its a lot.  But I am just trying to have faith.  I can't live in fear, so I'm moving forward!  I have to believe that everything is going to be okay.  I am not superstitious, so I don't believe I can "jinx it."  I believe God has a plan and what ever is meant to be will be.  There is nothing I can do that will change the inevitable.  All I can do is take care of my body by getting good nutrition, getting exercise, and getting enough rest.  So that is what I'm doing!

I forgot to mention that I am down to ONE progesterone suppository a day (from three) and I am off the vivelle estrogen dots (since Friday).  At Fridays u/s, Dr R checked my levels and my progesterone was at 60 and estrogen was over 2000!  I'm assuming those are good.  I did three days of two suppositories and yesterday was my first day of one.  It is a little nerve racking, but I'm trusting they know whats right.  I will have my blood drawn again Friday.

I'm currently 6 weeks and 4 days.  New symptoms?  Not really.  (tmi) My Nipples are starting to look a little different, a little more pronounced.  One I forgot to mention that I've had since four weeks... chest acne (yuck!).  My mom says its pregnancy rash. They are tiny red bumps, not too noticeable for others, but I think its disgusting.  Obviously, I'll take 'em!  But it doesn't mean I have to LOVE every symptom :)

4 weeks 5 days...

I hope this isn't too premature, but I went to Barns and Nobles and got a new pregnancy book!  I already got "What to Expect..." over 2 1/2 years ago, when we first started TTC.  I finally took it off the shelf... again!  I like that book, it has a lot of good information, but this new book is AMAZING!

Pregnancy Day by Day...

a look inside...

I just purchased it today, so I haven't really got into it too much yet.  But, what I love about it is that it gives, "a day-by-day account of pregnancy with detailed explanations of the physical and emotional changes that take place in your body along with fascinating insights into how your baby develops within the uterus."  It shows an actual picture each day of the baby... starting from ovulation!  There are tons of pics, tips, for each day!

I'm so excited to start reading it.  I feel like its really going to help me with the waiting times between ultra sounds, dr appts., etc!

***

Something else I really wanted to write about...

I was having a lot of issues with fear, before pregnancy and now with pregnancy.  Prior, I would think, if I could just GET pregnant, I would be okay.  Then I would know I can at least conceive.  Now that I'm pregnant, I have been fearful of losing these babies!  I was thinking, once I see BETA #2, I'll be okay, and then Ultrasound #1... then #2... and so on.

I was with one of my IRLF (in real life friends) yesterday, and was talking to her about this.  She had also dealt with pregnancy loss then IF from PCOS.  She reminded me that this can go on FOREVER, even after the babies come!  Of course I don't want that!  She reminded me that I needed to give God the power, let Him carry my burdens.  So that's what I did.

Sometimes I forget this, but usually, when something is weighing me down, I would imagine the cross on a hill and me pushing a duffel bag (my baggage) with whatever the issue is, labeled to it.  For example, "Infertility" or now, "my babies."  I have to say... a huge weight has been lifted.  I was praying yesterday and imagined pushing "my babies" to the cross.  I prayed... and I prayed... and I prayed.  I'm sure I will have to pray more about this.  But its so nice that we don't have to do this alone, He is there to carry our "stuff."