For this Child we have prayed...

I'm six weeks six days today, tomorrow SEVEN WEEKS!  I have not been able to say that since I was pregnant with my twins!  God is so good!

Monday was our ultrasound, to say that I was nervous, would be an understatement.  After so much loss, its like I'm just waiting for bad news.  But, its a miracle...

As of Monday, I was 6 weeks and 2 days and our little peanut was measuring 6 weeks 1 day and had a beautiful heartbeat of 113! I was in tears. After 2 1/2 years ttc #3, two IVF's, seven transfers, four miscarriages, so many tears, begging and pleading with God, and finally surrendering to His perfect will, even if that didn't include any more children, he blessed us.

Each day is such a blessing, and I really beginning to believe this WILL BE OUR RAINBOW baby! My pregnancy symptoms are getting stronger.  Today I was very nauseated until I ate something and may appetite is really off... or Im starving.  My stomach bloat is out of control... and I only have one baby!  I haven't gained any weight yet, I fluctuate between 136 or 137.  This is shocking to me since I'm on STEROIDS of all things.

We go back at 8 weeks for ultrasound  # 2.  I honestly thought I would be having more, like I did with the twins, but I don't want them.  They are a source of major anxiety.  Although, I continue to do my best to cast all my anxieties over to the Lord.... I know this little one is in his hands!

Less than One Week To Go! FET #4

I can't believe we are finally on the countdown to transfer! It is here and it's getting real folks! We are both excited, ready, anxious... I don't want to say scared, scared isn't the right word, I'm at peace that this is our last and final, but I'm nervous about what is to be. What is the answer going to be?

It has been interesting over here. A lot has been happening which has me to believe God has and is truly at work in our lives right now. A ton of prayers have been getting answered, like a ton!  So much has been on my heart and it feels like God has been using this time get my "ducks in a row, " so to speak.  Its weird and I almost can't even explain it!  Here are some examples...

*After years of praying for him, my husband is getting baptized!  He has been totally growing spiritually this year, and I have to believe it is because of what we have been going through that he is ready to fully commit his life to God.

*I am getting re-baptized.  I was baptized when I was 12 in a Seventh Day Adventist church. I chose to be baptized, but I had no relationship with Jesus.  I did it because my friends were and I thought I should.  Soon after I stopped going to church, questioned if there was a God, and became a stoner/Hippy during High School.  I became a born again Christian at 22.  I really wanted to get rebaptized then, but was told I "didn't need" to because I already was baptized at 12.  Well, I really feel God put that on my heart then, and I should have listened.  I have questioned it since!  I am SO excited to be getting baptized again... and with my husband! God is so good!

*A few weeks ago I met this really nice old lady who just moved into a senior center.  She mentioned that her kids/grandkids won't come and visit her.  God laid it on my heart!  So when I was leaving I ran into her in the parking lot and asked if the boys and I could come visit her, she said yes.  It had been a few weeks and I kept trying to go, but one of us kept getting sick!  Its been hanging over my shoulder.  Monday, we did it!  I made some paleo pumpkin muffins and brought them to her with fall flowers.  It was very nice visit and it felt so good serving.  She wants us to come back and make Italian cookies!  Yes please!

*For the last few years my relationship with my brothers has been almost non existent, even though we used to be extremely close.  The only way we would ever take or hangout is if I called, etc.  I have been so hurt by it and had been telling my parents that I was over them!  I felt that they just didn't care about me.  Well, just last Sunday, we decided to head up to my parents on a whim.  My brother came in storming mad at me because we didn't call him and tell him we were at my parents (we live an hour away!).  I was shocked and didn't know how to respond at first.  Long story short, we cleared up the relationship, I am relieved to know my brother loves me.  I called my other brother that night too and made plans to hang out!  God is good!

*This is maybe not as serious, but I truly feel this is a miracle.  My sons have Micky Mouse dolls that we take each trip to Disneyland every time we go.  They got them their very first time there and are very attached.  Last week Maximus lost his at Disneyland.  We didn't know if it was on a ride, or if it fell off the stroller?  As soon as we realized it was gone, the boys and I prayed!  We prayed that the right person would find it.  We went to Lost and Found gave the description and hoped for the best.  I got a call Monday that they found Maximus' Mickey Mouse!  I was shocked and in awe at what an amazing God we have!

Here is a pic of us on the way that day...

The benefit of bringing Mickey every time is the boys don't feel the need for something new all the time!  The appreciate what they have.  They are mailing the other Mickey and it should be here any time.  They can't wait to be reunited ;-)

The list goes on and on!  I just feel like God is preparing me for something big!  I pray its two new miracles!

I did my first PIO shot today... transfer is in five more days!  I've quit caffeine, no more wine... We are SO ready!

Break down... then prayer.

I am emotionally drained.  I have been trying to stay so strong for my lil guys that I haven't really been feeling my emotions.  I have probably been stuffing them deep down.  Today was the break down.

Today was Rocco's Pre-op.  The doctor basically wanted to make sure he was still nice and healthy and ready for surgery.  We received paper work and were told when to be at the surgery center... 8am and surgery isn't until 915!!!  I am very upset about the time, since we will have one VERY hungry lil boy!  However, Saturday cannot come soon enough, so we can hopefully be able to move on from this.

Friday I have to take Rocco to have blood work done.  That is not going to be fun either.  Basically this whole process is just HORRIBLE and no baby should have to be put through this.

As hard as I'm trying to be strong... I'm scared.  How hard we worked to have these babies, how hard we prayed for these babies, there is no way God will take him from me, right?  These thought start creeping in my head... I know I need to be positive.  I need to stop thinking the worst thoughts! But they start coming.

My father in law came with me to todays appointment and then took us out to lunch which was nice.  By the time we got home, I really just needed to be alone.  I put the boys down for their nap and then went to my bedroom and shut the door... and cried.

Now I'm downstairs blogging.  Getting my feelings out.  Praying.  I have done more praying than I have in a long time.  Trying to have faith that God will protect our son...



So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. Matt 10:31 NIV

This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9 NLT

When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. Psalm 56:3 NIV

They do not fear bad news; they confidently trust the Lord to care for them. Psalm 112:7 NLT



Dear Lord God,  you are my everything.  I put all of my faith and trust in you!  You have blessed me with so much, saved my life so many times.  I now lift up my son Rocco to you Lord.  He is your child first and my child second.  Thank you for in trusting me with caring for him.  Lord, I know you have great plans for his life, I pray that he is protected by you so that he may fulfill his purpose Lord.  I pray for his health and his safety.  I pray that his doctor will give him the best care possible and get out what needs to be taken out.  Lord, please comfort Rocco for he doesn't understand what is happening.  Give him strength and for him to feel your peace while going through the procedures that need to be done.  Please Lord also be with C and I.  Give us the peace and comforting that we need to also get through this and to know you are with us and our son.  If it is your will, Lord, keep our son healthy and we pray that there is no cancer found in his perfect body that you created.   We praise you for blessing us with this special, loving, sweet, sensitive, strong, curious, and intelligent boy that has changed our lives forever.  He is such a gift!  Thank you, Amen.

Rocco update...

The MRI went as good as expected.  Once I felt settled that we were making the right decision, I wasn't   AS worried about how the whole thing was going to take place.  We got up at 5am so we could drive to the outpatient center and be there at 6am.  Once registered we headed up to the radiology department and got checked in.  We were put in a room where the nurse went over what to expect, took his blood pressure, etc. We had to put him in a hospital gown, which was so sad to see.  No child should EVER have to where one of those!  C and I were both there with him, however only one of us could go into the room while they put him to sleep.  I, of course, wanted to be there with him.  By the time everything was ready Rocco was crying hysterically.  One because he was hungry and Two because I'm sure he was scared.  I laid him on the MRI table and the anesthesiologist was there and ready to gas him.  I had to hold his arms and hands down while they put the gas mask over his little face. I held his hands with tears running down my face and kept repeating "Mommy Loves YOU... Mommy Loves YOU..." until he went limp and was asleep.

The wait seemed like forever.  I made a bottle (I am no longer breastfeeding... long story) when I knew it was getting close to being called back to recovery, so he wouldn't have to wait any longer.  I was a little upset because he was already awake when I went back there.  There were nurses trying to give him sugar water because he was so hysterical.  I guess its normal for babies to cry for about 20 min when they wake up since they are disorientated.  I took my baby from them and fed him right away.  He cried for a while and then calmed down.  I just held him and rocked him.

My mom stayed home with Maximus, we were back by 9am and Maximus was up playing when we got home.  After Rocco had breakfast got to see his brother he was feeling much better.

Later that day we got a call from his doctors office.  They already received the results!  The good news...  there was no sign of any brain tissue coming down in the palate!  The bad news... there was a soft tissue mass.  I didn't know totally what that meant.  I went in today because the doctor wanted to do another evaluation.  I was thinking he may want to biopsy it, but was SHOCKED when he said he wanted to remove it!

On July 14, my baby boy has to have surgery!  A soft tissue mass is a tumor that is usually benign in infants and children, but there, of course, is a possibility that it may be cancer (God FORBID!).  I am trying my best to stay positive.  I know the chances of it being the big C  are slim... but its still there.  I am having faith that God will be with us and will keep him safe.

One of my favorite verses is definitely giving me comfort right now...

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Jeremiah 29:11

This one is for my baby Rocco!!!