Lots of updates!

Yikes!  Where does the time go?  So so much has been happening!  Rocco and Maximus are turning 9 months tomorrow! Can you believe it!?  It truly is unbelievable how fast it does go!  Those first three months feel like an eternity with the lack of sleep learning how to be a mother, learning your babies needs and wants then BAM you get it down and they are NINE MONTHS OLD!  Oh how I love them!

My babies are so much fun!  I love my life with them!  Each day they make me smile, each day they make me laugh... of course we have challenging moments, but I wouldn't change a thing!  I am truly BLESSED beyond words with the sweetest most lovable little boys a Mommy could ask for!

Rocco is crawling like crazy, since 7 months, and honestly I think he is going to walk soon.  C started walking when he was 9 months... I'm scared.  This week Rocco learned to pull himself up in his crib, I walked into this in the morning...

Look how proud he is of himself!  Then, with in two more days, he has learned to  pull himself up on just about everything he can grasp, including our back door, he has also climbed up a step from the living room to the foyer.  Thankfully, he is the only one doing this...

Maximus army crawls EVERYWHERE.  I'm not really sure if he will actually crawl, since he is so efficient at army crawling.  He can keep up with Rocco and go from room to room.  He sits up very well but cannot sit-up on his own or go back to to crawl from sitting.  He is in no hurry and neither am I!  Maximus is VERY busy, high energy, so I know that he won't be walking, he'll be RUNNING! Ha!
He is definitely my lil comedian and is so funny!  I have never met a baby like him.

Last week, we FINALLY went back to the RE and the boys got to meet all the nurses, Dr. R, and the Embryologist!  It was SUCH an awesome day!  I brought them a little thank you...

We actually had to go to both offices to see everyone.  I got a little teary going back there and seeing the nurses who were so supportive throughout our IVF process.  It is something that I can NEVER forget!  Going back just reminded me of how far we have come and how emotional the process was.  Anyways, Dr. R got to hold the babies which was so neat to see since he got to hold them as embryos!  I am so mad because I forgot to get a photo :-/  I was so caught up in the moment.  However, I went to go see Kristine, the embryologist, who told me at the transfer, "you have to bring these babies back to see me after you have them, we NEVER see this happen!"  Which I elaborate on HERE, in a previous post from our IVF cycle.  

Kristine had been following our story through the computer, since they update to make sure there was a live birth.  She remembered us IMMEDIATELY and was SO happy to meet the little miracles she helped create.  One thing she said, which surprised me is that we are their MOST SUCCESSFUL case EVER of rescue ICSI because we got twins and that we only had a 2% chance of it working to get ONE BABY, let alone TWINS! What little miracles I have here!!!  She wanted me to take a picture of the three of them so here they are...

It was such an awesome day!  The boys also did so good... I am one PROUD mama!!

Sunday, the boys are getting dedicated to the Lord in church and we are having a celebration lunch back at our new home (which we are LOVING!).  All is good here and we are all just so blessed :)

waiting....

I woke up at 5am and couldn't go back to sleep!  First off, because I was starving!  I had to go down and eat a bowl of cereal!  Second, because today is the day!

C and I finally dragged ourselves out of bed at 730.  We made it to the RE's at 8.  I shared my story with the nurses about the Rescue ICSI and they felt bad, but found it ironic because I was so worried about fertilization being the problem, and of course it was.  I also warned them that I may not answer the phone and that I'll let it go to VM, because I'm "too scared to hear the results!"  They didn't like that, because they want to hear my reaction (they must have a positive feeline!?).  I'm like, if its good, I'll call you back!

Anyways, now to wait...

8dp5(6)dt

and I'm going nuts!  Yesterday, for some reason, I didn't feel like doing anything!  I just kept googling and reading blogs.  Sorry I didn't update mine!  I didn't really have much to write about though.  I laid on the couch bundled up in two blankets, a beanie, gloves, and my new Ugg slippers, freezing, because our heater has been broken for almost the entire month of December (ours is 30 years old!)!  We are FINALLY getting a new one installed Monday.  As I'm typing this, my fingers feel like icicles, hence the other reason I didn't feel like sitting at the computer yesterday!  I stayed on the couch searching Dr. Google for symptoms or lack there of at 7dp5dt.  I admit it... I DO have a problem!  I'm addicted to Google... until my BETA tomorrow!!!!! 

Yup, that's right!  I called today to see if they would change my Beta from Sunday to tomorrow!  My original date was Saturday, the 1st, but their closed.  So of course, they pushed me back.  I talked some sense in them though.  I know it will show either way tomorrow, New Years Eve!  Tomorrow is technically 15 dpo, but we did the rescue ICSI, so it is now 14 dpo.  There should (better) be some HCG in there!  I am praying there is!!!  Although, I totally do NOT feel pregnant (not that I know what that feels like!).  Although my bb's are a little more sore today, and I feel a tinsy bit bloated.  I was also having a lot of cramping yesterday... AF like.  But, yes, I know, all P4 related!

If I'm not PG (But I am...positive thinking!), I will be able to drink some Champagne New Years!  But I really want to be SOBER for the next YEAR!  Please GOD!!!!

Tomorrow I'm going in early... like 730.  The nurse said the earlier you come in, the earlier you'll get your results!  So, C and i decided that we'll  have her call my cell, but I'm NOT going to answer it.  I will warn them of this tomorrow.  I just can't bare listening to "I'm sorry..." alone!  So, once I get the VM, I'm gonna go to his office, put the message on speaker phone so we can hear it together, good or bad.... PRAYING ITS GOOD!

So wish us luck and please pray for us (either way!).  We want God's will for our lives always!  Just hoping He's ready to give us our miracle!

Now to go warm up my icicles!! LOL


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Updated...

I forgot to say congrats to Uneggsplained!!!  She is now VERY pregnant after her first IVF.  So happy for her!  Go over and give her a congrats!

Happy December ICLW!

 And THANK YOU to all of you leaving kind, supportive comments and cheering my lil embies on!  I sincerely appreciate it!  This is such a difficult thing to have happen, but we are still holding onto hope!

EMBY...  the only way to find out if there is a fertilization problem is in the petri-dish, unfortunately.  I had a feeling that this might be the problem when we were going through IUI cycles, and I knew we would find when/if we did IVF.  My husband calls me a "hypochondriac."  But, for some reason, my intuition is usually correct.

A recap of the past year...

January... find out my uterine septum is back for the second time, via office hysteroscopy
February... surgery #2 to remove the uterine septum.  Balloon put in my uterus for 2 weeks.
March... balloon comes out, uterus still healing. Office hysteroscopy, Uterus cleared, septum gone!
April... TTC on our own, BFN
May...Follistim/IUI #3.  Great cycle, ovulate 6 eggs... BFN
June... devastated, DH and I decide maybe kids aren't in our future.  Break from IF treatments and blogging.
July... TTC on our own.
August...TTC on our own, celebrate anniversary #3 in Kauai, talk about IVF??
Sept... Met new RE Dr. R, loved him!  He wanted us to do clomid
Oct.. period never came, tired of waiting... On to IVF!
Nov... BCP/Lupron
Dec... Stims, ER, ET, BETA!



And now here we are....  After another "amazing cycle" (God, I'm tired of RE's telling me that!), barely hanging onto rescue ICSI'd embryo's.  Tomorrow's the big day, Day 5 (6) Embryo Transfer.  We have to be there tomorrow at 630 am for transfer of one (I'm going to ask for two) embryo's.

Prayer is what is keeping me strong through this!

5 turned into 13...

embryo's as of yesterday, day 2!  I am in total disbelief!  They haven't checked on them today yet, but as of yesterday we have 13 EMBRYO'S!!!!  Not just 13, but 13 embryo's that are looking pretty good!  According to the embryologist, a embryo that has four cells on day two is really good, we have some that are SIX CELLS!  Dr. R is pushing me to a day 5 transfer so they can transfer blasts (I know that is good even though I'm still learning all the embryo lingo)!!!  Here's what I found...


IVF Timetable


Day 0 Egg retrieval
          Sperm collection and preparation
          Insemination

Day 1 Check eggs for fertilization (the presence of two pronuclei or PN's)

Day 2 Embryos at the 4-cell or more stage of development

Day 3 Embryos at the 8-cell or more stage of development

Day 4 Embryos at the compacted morula (16-32 cell) stage

Day 5 Embryos at the blastocyst stage of development


The embryologist is really blown away by how good they are doing.  I asked, "aren't embryo's usually not that good with rescue ICSI?"  She replied, "yes, we really can't explain how this is happening!"  I said "my prayers are working!" and she responded, "well keep doing what your doing!"

I am praying... for a miracle this Christmas!

Yesterday...

I spent most of the day laying on the couch. First because I felt like crap from ER. My stomach is very bloated, has a VERY full feeling, and its very uncomfortable. I'm pretty sure I have mild OHSS.  I can feel little stings in my ovaries occasionally. It feels like I have serious indigestion. I have been staying away from carbs (breads, pasta's, rice, etc) and drinking a lot of pedialyte and Gatorade. Not sure if its helping much because I felt way worse yesterday than the day before.

Second, I gave myself the day to be depressed. On one hand, I was pretty devastated (I feel like crap for nothing!). On the other hand, we have a diagnosis! After 2 1/2 years of ttc, we now know why we can't get pregnant! Even though I have pcos, I ovulate. Even though I was born with a septate uterus, it doesn't cause IF. C's sperm just don't want anything to do with my eggs!

Since I spent most of the day on the couch, I also used my android for some serious research with Dr. Google. What I read was pretty devastating (which did not help me feeling helpless and depressed!)!  With Rescue ICSI, eggs are old so the likely hood of them making good embryo's is slim and the likely hood of any implanting of giving you a baby is 7%. 7%!!!! That's not very much. However, I also asked Dr. Google to show me some success stories with Rescue ICSI... I found some! So I do have hope again! Especially since Dr. R called with our report a few min ago...

Dr. R... "I am calling with a better tone in my voice today!"

Me... "Okay???"

Dr. R... "We have at least five embryo's, but the embryologist is going to call you in a little bit with the official report!"

Me... "Thank you God! On the bright side at least we have a diagnosis!"

Dr. R... "Ya, but not the best way to do it!"

Me... "No kidding!"

So, we have AT LEAST five! FIVE embryo's! This is the CLOSEST we have EVER came to being pregnant! We actually have little babies growing in a petri-dish! I cannot believe it!

I know the likelihood of them making babies is slim. But, I am praying for a miracle! Miracles happen every day!

We are now doing a Day 3 transfer, which is really a Day 4 from ER, Monday afternoon sometime!  I am also going to ask if we can implant more then one since the quality isn't going to be as high! 

Will know more soon!  I have HOPE again!