Day FIVE Embryo Update! IVF #3

You guys I'm in tears! After all we have been through years and years of trying, BFN's, two miscarriages, so many hoops, trials, two other IVF's, never once did we get one hatching blast on day five! I'm blown away a by the goodness of God, that he has given us some beautiful embryos....

👉🏻SIX hatching blasts
👉🏻TWO expanded
👉🏻SEVEN early
👉🏻FOUR morula's

My twins were and expanded blast and an early blast on day six! So I know the grading does not necessarily mean everything! But I know from this, that we are SO much closer to completing our family! I praise God so much for his faithfulness. He has never left my side.

We are transferring TWO at 10:30 tomorrow! Prayers that the right embryos get put back, and they take!


From Day three...
25 Fertilized
1 stopped dividing
3 aren't six cell yet
21 are 6-8 cells!

Twenty Five!!!! IVF #3

We've got embabies! Praise God!!!! I've really been praying, putting all of this in Gods hands! His will, not mine!

For IVF # 2 we were very concerned about having extra embryos. We had 37 eggs retrieved, but we only ICSI'd seven of them, from that we got five blasts! I was relieved that we only ICSI'd seven! However, my RE made me do a freeze all bc of my high E2 numbers. I had no idea what was going to come of it! I did not know that all we would get was two babies in heaven and three BFN's. It was a year of trials and heartbreak. We were planning on only doing one last IVF. We thought for sure it would have worked bc it did us the first time! IVF #1 we were given a 1% chance of working, but we found out our diagnosis and we were blessed with our twin boys!

This IVF # 3, we never planned on. I do feel the Lord has been leading us this whole time! I have felt his presence, his guidance. I am also very sure this is our last and final try to complete our family, baby or no baby.

Instead of trying to 'control' the outcome of our embryos, I am TRUSTING the Lord, that he knows what he is doing. The creator of life has them in His hands. I have let go and let God do his thing.
As hard as that is to do, I think that has been my biggest lesson during all of our Infertility struggles, letting go of control and TRUSTING in the creator! What a relief for us that we can do that! Let him carry our burdens and do all the work! :) thank you God for these 25 growing embryos! I trust in your great plan for them, and our family! 🙏🏻❤️ now #growgrowgrow

Houston, We Have Embryo's...

Yesterday went perfect!  We woke up at 630AM, got ready, made a green smoothie and some decaf green tea to go.  I had L come and watch the boys, who apparently slept in until 7:45 (They never do that for us!). We arrived at the Redondo Beach lab at 8:30.

We were called back at 8:45 by an embryologist I had never met before.  She brought us back, C signed some paperwork and showed proof it was him.  I mentioned that we had twins from rescue ICSI, and she paused for a minute and asked, "were they Christmas rescue ICSI?"  I responded "YES!"  She replied, "I heard about you guys!"  Awwwww... more proof that my twins are such Christmas miracles!  They are an amazing story!

Anyway, we went back to this tiny little room where I helped out my hubby a bit.  I figure, as least we get to do this part together!  There is no way, he would do that by himself.   I was really impressed with his sample, I think it was the most ever!  The last three or four months, he has really been cleaning up his diet, taking extra supplements, and working out again.  It must have helped!

I was told we would get a fertilization report this morning, but when I woke up I saw that I missed a call from them at 6:30 last night!  My heart was pounding when I went to listen to the voicemail!  Was she going to tell me all my eggs didn't make the thaw?  Or only a few? ahhhhh....  It was good news!  Out of the 27 eggs, 22 made the thaw, five died, but 22 made it and were ICSI'd!!!!  Praise Jesus!  I told Chris it was such a good thing we did all of them because originally he only wanted to do ten and then we would have potentially only had five!

I got my second call from them at 9:30am.  More good news!  Out of my 22 ICSI'd eggs, 22 fertilized!  Praise Jesus again!  We have 22 growing embryo's!!!!!!!

Today is day one, day three they will preform assisted hatching, day five, Saturday, I will get a call on  how many make it to blastocyst and which ones they will biopsy for PGS!  Day six, Sunday, I will get another call to see if I have any six day blastocysts to biopsy. This is so nerve wracking and exciting all at the same time!

Grow embryo's GROW!!!!!  Please pray pray pray!!!!

One or Two?

IF Quote of the Day 

I've already began thinking about what we should do next... one or two?  I know it is going to be here before we know it!  I'm CD 11 today, but I don't plan on having a period for another 30 days :-/

We transferred our top quality embryo (out of 5) which was graded 4AA.  It looked perfect on paper, but it wasn't meant to be.  It just goes to show you that quality does not mean everything!

Here is how the rest are graded...

3AB (day 5)

4AB (day 6)

4AB (day 6)

3 BB (day6)

So, obviously grading does not really matter here.  My "perfect" embryo wasn't so perfect.  

This week I had been feeling horrible, run down, head aches, and exhausted.  I think my body is going in some type of hormonal shift after being on so many synthetic hormones.  I know this is not good for me.  I know I do not want to keep doing this over and over.  It is emotionally and physically taxing.

A few days after my miscarriage, I started taking pregnitude again to hopefully help my hormones and yesterday I started a little vegan cleanse (with lots of green smoothies, raw nuts and seeds, and salads) to detox my body from all these hormones.  I already am feeling better today, thank goodness!

To think about doing this more than one more time is stressing me out.  These hormones are torture.  Honestly, if it were up to me, I would transfer the top two... I just need to convince my husband and my doctor.  For blast transfers they recommend transferring one embryo at a time if you are 35 or under.  

The likely hood that both would take is slim!  But, if we did have twins again, we already have two of everything!  Decisions, decisions.... hmmmm!!!  

FAITH FAITH FAITH... I know I need to have faith and pray seriously about this!  I want to start praying about what embro(s) to put in.  I want to do this right!

I would LOVE your opinions!  What would YOU do?

ICLW:  If you are stopping by for ICLW, thank you! A little background... We were blessed with miracle twin boys via IVF and rescue ICSI after 3 1/2 years of TTC.  We again, haven't prevented pregnancy for the last almost three years with no luck.  We went through IVF again last December and I had to freeze everything because of OHSS.  FET #1 was a BFP, but I miscarried at 6 weeks. Now awaiting FET#2! :)

We Are Almost READY... FET!

After a wonderful CHRISTmas and New Years in Mexico, I'm back on!

We visited Dr. R for a follow up yesterday and to go over what to expect for FET.  He talked about our FIVE embryo's and  we decided which one to transfer first, which we are going to transfer the AA expanded day five blast.  We also have an AB expanded day five blast, and the rest are day six blasts.

He said our first two have about a 50% chance of making a baby, then the rest start declining to 40%, 30%, and 20%, based off of their quality.  We have a good shot here, with 28 non-fertilized eggs on ice!

Yesterday I was CD24.  Dr. R checked my ovaries to see if they were healed and where I was in my cycle, since I am irregular.  My right ovary was completely healed and my left was about 90%.  I am no where near O, which I believe is because they were so destroyed last month with all the eggs!

He started me on Provera to get my period started, other wise we would be about a couple months away from transfer!  Dang PCOS! Two pills down, eight to go!

In the mean time, I'm working out again after a month and a half off from IVF.  I'm pumped to get back in shape... running, Barre, and P90x3!  Also, clean eating all the way!  I want to be in great shape and health when we do this transfer! :)

Happy NewYear!  And this is also my 300th post! Crazy!

Drum Roll... IVF #2

I know I know, I lagged on posting!  But don't fret...

Monday night I tossed and turned all night.  I had nightmares about our Embryo's!  This was a totally different experience than last time.  I wasn't getting daily updates from the Embryologist to let me know how they were doing.  They just let the embryo's be.

OH THE TORTURE!

Tuesday morning, I was on pins and needles waiting.  And waiting. And waiting. And waiting.  I mean I wasn't really sure if we were going to transfer or freeze or even if we had any left!

FINALLY! The phone rings.

It was Dr. R.  We have "TWO BEAUTIFUL BLASTS!" What joy... and relief!  He let me know that they are the top quality and there were three others they were "watching" giving them another day to see if they will make it to blast.  He also said, since we had such beautiful embryo's, he felt we were safe to wait and let my body heal and recover... if we had just "okay" ones he would have transferred. Honestly, I'm relieved!  I was MISERABLE.

It is always hard waiting, but I really need to be here for my kids who are here now.  They need me now.  I could not afford ending up in the hospital... or something worse happening to me!  OHSS is serious.

WONDERFUL OHSS

Days two, three, and four post ER were the worst in my recovery.  I was beginning to have trouble breathing and even had to sleep with two pillow so I stayed propped up!  I couldn't lay on my side to sleep without having sharp stabbing chest pains.  Lets just say sleep hasn't been the best.  When walking, I would have sharp shooting pains in my belly, not in my ovaries or pelvic area, but my stomach.

I called Chris and let him know the good news!  It was perfect.  We only fertilized seven because we didn't want too many, just enough.  I couldn't stop praising God the rest of the day...and I still am of course!

The Next Day

I get another call!  This time it is our Embryologist who Rescue ICSI'd our last batch and made Rocco and Maximus... Christine S.!  She is so sweet!  Sbe couldn't wait to hear about my boys and then let me know about our other embryos. We ended up with three more to freeze.  Three six day blasts.  At first I didn't know what to think.  Should I be happy? Upset? Worried?  We cannot have five more kids.

Again, we ICSI'd seven eggs out of 36, because we were told only 1/2 would fertilize and then we would likely end up with two blasts... now five! 

"Lord, we said, just enough!" My plan was two and I guess His was five!  This was his plan not ours.  I have no idea how the thaws or transfers are going to go... if they will all make it... or make a baby!  

These embryo's are in His hands.  I know His plans are greater than ours, and I have faith that we will have just enough.

Today

Seven days post ER, I finally feel the OHSS disappearing.  Even yesterday I was in pain and needed a lot of rest.  Today I easily played with my children on the floor.  Today was a good day.

Picture taken two days before Egg Retrieval. My IVF miracles.

Here we go again...

Looks like we are moving on for baby #3! Ahhhhhhhh!!!!  It is shocking really and hasn't totally set in!  I mean... I can't believe we are going to do this all over again!  But, I'm also very excited!

Really, we were both hoping and praying for a magical little miracle to happen. But it didn't.

Our appointment was Sept. 26.  I was anxious.  I wasn't sure how it was going to go.  Chris wasn't 100% he wanted to go through it again.  We had concerns.

I walked into the RE's office and my eyes started tearing up!  The nurse looked one look at me and remember me immediately! Its been FOUR YEARS since I walked out of there, also with tears in my eyes (happy tears of course!).  We made it full circle.

Dr. R is amazing, honestly.  He gave me a big hug and was excited to see how Rocco and Maximus were doing.  We all chatted for a bit casually.  Then came the questions.

We were concerned about embryo's in particular.  Lets recap... Last time, I made 29 eggs and I was on the lowest dose of medicine apparently.  I DO NOT want 29 embryos.  I honestly have a tough time making more than we need.  He suggested to ICSI 8 of them and we would likely get 2 blasts.  That seems like a lot to me still.  I suggested 6, and he agreed that would suffice.  We would then freeze any extra eggs, incase it doesn't work, so I would at least not have to go through the entire IVF process again with egg retrieval.

Has anyone done this?  I literally had a nightmare last night that we had all of our ICSI'd eggs become perfect blasts.  I do not think I could live with myself.  I could not have all of these babies.  I could not live knowing that I had kids growing up somewhere with another family near by (if we adopted them out), and I do not think I could destroy them!  What to do?!  I guess I'm still really torn on the number.

We have a little time to figure it out, pray, pray, pray, and TRUST God will guide us into the best outcome!

Right now I'm in the waiting phase... currently in the middle of my cycle.  I have to wait to start my period and then start the BCP's. We have a little time to figure it out again.

Thoughts welcome!

I thought I would share this picture I took of my twins today.  They are truly best buddies... and are asking for a little brother or sister! We are praying!!!

The transfer...

Went amazingly well! C and I woke up at 5am, took "army" showers with unscented soap, got dress and were in the car by 525 to make it to our 630 appt. It has been raining here very consistently for the past 7 days, so we wanted to make sure we beat any LA traffic! Californians do not know how to drive in the rain!!

We made it the in 30 min so we stopped off at Starbucks for an egg sandwich... they are delish! We arrived at the RE's at 615.  It was nice not being in a huge rush.  Dr. R was already there and was already doing an egg retrieval. 

They called me back and and I got my gown on.  I had a "comfortably full" bladder and popped a Valium.  I had no idea that I was going to get it, but I guess they want you as calm as possible when implanting embryo's.

C and I both were anxious about finding out what we had left.  I knew not all embryo's would make it.  The night before I probably got four hours of sleep and kept dreaming about my embryo's!  Dr. R came in to check on me after he was done with the other patient so I was able to ask him about how many embryo's.  I told him we know the percentage isn't high for rescue icsi, so can we implant more than one?  He said, "well we have one REALLY good blast, and I will talk to the embryologist about what she suggests."

It was finally my turn to go in.  They wheeled me in the bed, back to the ER/ET room.  The embryologist, Kristine S., came in to talk to us about our embies.  She said she was so excited to come in here and talk to us because we were her first rescue ICSI and there is never this good of a response!  She said they have had Rescue Icsi babies, but never rescue icsi blasts (I really don't want to get my hopes up, but its so hard when you hear things like this!)!  She showed us pics of the TWO blasts she suggested we implant.  One, a grade 4AA, and one an early blast (not sure of grading).  I think that is good!  She was really positive and said, "if you have a baby, no WHEN you have the baby, you have to bring it back to show me."  I said, "of course!" She also said that for baby # 2, they'll do ICSI right away and we'll have a lot of great embryo's!


So, we signed all the paper work and she wheeled in the incubator with our embies in it (it looks like an actual incubator for new born babies).  Kristine called C over and asked him if he wanted to take a look at the embies.  He actually got to see them through a microscope in the incubator before going in me!  He said he could see them moving around!  Crazy!

I was all strapped in, ultrasound ready, Kristine brought the embies over to Dr. R and he inserted the catheter (didn't hurt one bit!).  We could see it on the screen.  He let one embryo drop and  a white flash went on the screen then the other.  We saw them both... so amazing!

I had to lay there for 30 min afterward, then I got dressed and fell asleep in the car on the way home.  C brought me up to bed and I slept til almost noon.  Valium is good ;-)

I am supposed to be on STRICT bed rest for 48 hours.  I have mostly been watching movies while C makes me breakfast, lunch and dinner.  I would say this is the life, but it is TORTURE FOR ME.  I really give those mom's props who do this for months on end.  When I am not feeling sick, I like to be active, and up doing things.  I am on the count down til the morning!

So, tonight I am supposed to be having a Christmas Eve Eve dinner with my family...  My Mom, Dad, brothers, sis in laws, niece, and three nephews.  I had C call my mom yesterday to break the bad news that we weren't able to come and she was devastated and almost started crying!  C came home and felt so bad!  We haven't told my parents about IVF.  They had no idea.  So, C felt so bad that he felt we should tell them...

I was so excited to!  I told them everything, starting back from October!  They both got choked up.  I am happy we told them... more people praying for our embies and a Christmas miracle!

Happy December ICLW!

 And THANK YOU to all of you leaving kind, supportive comments and cheering my lil embies on!  I sincerely appreciate it!  This is such a difficult thing to have happen, but we are still holding onto hope!

EMBY...  the only way to find out if there is a fertilization problem is in the petri-dish, unfortunately.  I had a feeling that this might be the problem when we were going through IUI cycles, and I knew we would find when/if we did IVF.  My husband calls me a "hypochondriac."  But, for some reason, my intuition is usually correct.

A recap of the past year...

January... find out my uterine septum is back for the second time, via office hysteroscopy
February... surgery #2 to remove the uterine septum.  Balloon put in my uterus for 2 weeks.
March... balloon comes out, uterus still healing. Office hysteroscopy, Uterus cleared, septum gone!
April... TTC on our own, BFN
May...Follistim/IUI #3.  Great cycle, ovulate 6 eggs... BFN
June... devastated, DH and I decide maybe kids aren't in our future.  Break from IF treatments and blogging.
July... TTC on our own.
August...TTC on our own, celebrate anniversary #3 in Kauai, talk about IVF??
Sept... Met new RE Dr. R, loved him!  He wanted us to do clomid
Oct.. period never came, tired of waiting... On to IVF!
Nov... BCP/Lupron
Dec... Stims, ER, ET, BETA!



And now here we are....  After another "amazing cycle" (God, I'm tired of RE's telling me that!), barely hanging onto rescue ICSI'd embryo's.  Tomorrow's the big day, Day 5 (6) Embryo Transfer.  We have to be there tomorrow at 630 am for transfer of one (I'm going to ask for two) embryo's.

Prayer is what is keeping me strong through this!

5 turned into 13...

embryo's as of yesterday, day 2!  I am in total disbelief!  They haven't checked on them today yet, but as of yesterday we have 13 EMBRYO'S!!!!  Not just 13, but 13 embryo's that are looking pretty good!  According to the embryologist, a embryo that has four cells on day two is really good, we have some that are SIX CELLS!  Dr. R is pushing me to a day 5 transfer so they can transfer blasts (I know that is good even though I'm still learning all the embryo lingo)!!!  Here's what I found...


IVF Timetable


Day 0 Egg retrieval
          Sperm collection and preparation
          Insemination

Day 1 Check eggs for fertilization (the presence of two pronuclei or PN's)

Day 2 Embryos at the 4-cell or more stage of development

Day 3 Embryos at the 8-cell or more stage of development

Day 4 Embryos at the compacted morula (16-32 cell) stage

Day 5 Embryos at the blastocyst stage of development


The embryologist is really blown away by how good they are doing.  I asked, "aren't embryo's usually not that good with rescue ICSI?"  She replied, "yes, we really can't explain how this is happening!"  I said "my prayers are working!" and she responded, "well keep doing what your doing!"

I am praying... for a miracle this Christmas!

Yesterday...

I spent most of the day laying on the couch. First because I felt like crap from ER. My stomach is very bloated, has a VERY full feeling, and its very uncomfortable. I'm pretty sure I have mild OHSS.  I can feel little stings in my ovaries occasionally. It feels like I have serious indigestion. I have been staying away from carbs (breads, pasta's, rice, etc) and drinking a lot of pedialyte and Gatorade. Not sure if its helping much because I felt way worse yesterday than the day before.

Second, I gave myself the day to be depressed. On one hand, I was pretty devastated (I feel like crap for nothing!). On the other hand, we have a diagnosis! After 2 1/2 years of ttc, we now know why we can't get pregnant! Even though I have pcos, I ovulate. Even though I was born with a septate uterus, it doesn't cause IF. C's sperm just don't want anything to do with my eggs!

Since I spent most of the day on the couch, I also used my android for some serious research with Dr. Google. What I read was pretty devastating (which did not help me feeling helpless and depressed!)!  With Rescue ICSI, eggs are old so the likely hood of them making good embryo's is slim and the likely hood of any implanting of giving you a baby is 7%. 7%!!!! That's not very much. However, I also asked Dr. Google to show me some success stories with Rescue ICSI... I found some! So I do have hope again! Especially since Dr. R called with our report a few min ago...

Dr. R... "I am calling with a better tone in my voice today!"

Me... "Okay???"

Dr. R... "We have at least five embryo's, but the embryologist is going to call you in a little bit with the official report!"

Me... "Thank you God! On the bright side at least we have a diagnosis!"

Dr. R... "Ya, but not the best way to do it!"

Me... "No kidding!"

So, we have AT LEAST five! FIVE embryo's! This is the CLOSEST we have EVER came to being pregnant! We actually have little babies growing in a petri-dish! I cannot believe it!

I know the likelihood of them making babies is slim. But, I am praying for a miracle! Miracles happen every day!

We are now doing a Day 3 transfer, which is really a Day 4 from ER, Monday afternoon sometime!  I am also going to ask if we can implant more then one since the quality isn't going to be as high! 

Will know more soon!  I have HOPE again!

Bad news...

I had 29 not 28 good and mature eggs. C had a great sample with a high count and good morphology. However WE HAVE NO EMBRYO'S. My greatest fear has come true... C's sperm cannot penetrate my eggs!

I just got off the phone with Dr. R and he feels very bad. They are going to do "rescue ICSI," but the likly hood that we will have good embryo's are very small now. I'm devestated, to say the least.

Dr. R will call tomorrow with a new report. Please pray for a miracle!

With a Fork in the Road...

Lots of prayer...and another talk with Dr. R and we have THE plan.  C and I just cannot imagine going through ANOTHER surgery again.  The whole process is long and, of course, painful.  IVF would have been pushed back most likely until February.  No, its not that far away but, then again, it is in IF world.  We remembered what Dr. R stated from our very first appointment with him, "I never would have taken the septum out."  I know this is very controversial between doctors.  Dr. D obviously would have felt it was necessary and wanted a THIRD surgery.  Dr. R feels (and research shows) that septum's DO NOT cause infertility, they only can potentially cause miscarriages. And yes, that is entirely scary for me too!  That is why this decision was so extremely difficult.  However, I have never been pregnant, therefore, I am not sure it will be a problem.  I guess this will be another thing to put into God's hands.  If IVF does work and I do get pregnant, I will be more scared and cautious but, then again, I feel like I would be anyways, given our history.  So, I am cautiously optimistic.

I am excited that we are going forward with IVF.  I am praying I make a lot of good quality eggs and together, grade A embryo's.  Again, its in God's hands.  If, God forbid, we do miscarry and its the cause if the septum, we will remove it asap and then do a FET (frozen embryo transfer), given that we have some.

Here is our updated IVF schedule:

November 24- Start Lupron
November 25- HAPPY TURKEY DAY!!
December 4- Start Stims (yay Follistim!)
Week of December 13- Egg retrieval (ER)!
December 18-19?- Embryo Transfer (ET)!!
December 31- BETA and hopefully a very HAPPY NEW YEAR!

obviously, these are estimations as far as the ER, ET and BETA, but that is my holiday schedule!  I have a good feeling its going to just fly. 

We are already booked as far as Christmas parties are concerned.  December 2 is C's office party which I put together.  We are taking a yacht in the Newport Beach harbor and having dinner.  The boat will be decked out with holiday decor' and there should be a lot of houses and boats decorated too!  I'm super excited about it!  Should be really fun. December 4 is a friends birthday party, December 12 is C's family Christmas party and my friends baby shower, December 18 is my family annual Fondue party (which I am most likely going to have "call in sick" to), December 19 is C's manager party (which I am most likely going to have "call in sick" to), then its Christmas eve and Christmas. 

I love love the holidays and all that they represent.  I love coming together with family and friends. It is definitely my favorite time of the year.