FET #4 Transfer Day Update!

Thinking PINK!  Although we would be happy, ecstatic, blessed, grateful, with a healthy baby or two no matter the sex!  On our way!

Yesterday went off without a hitch.  Except for the fact that I woke up at 4 am to pee and then couldn't go back to sleep for the life of me because I was TOO EXCITED!  I couldn't believe the day was finally here!  I ended up getting out of bed at 4:30, made a cup of Tulsi Camomile tea and spent some time in The Word.

I'm in reading in 1 Samuel and I'm to the part where Saul went to meet Samuel so he could speak a prophetic word to him.  When he arrived, Samuel said to Saul, I've been waiting for you!  I have a word from the Lord.  He went on and said that he was going to be king and rule over the Isrealites.  Saul replied, who me?  But I am the least in all of my tribe!  He was anointed, filled with the Holy Spirit and went on to be a King!  It was the perfect reading for this transfer day.  I couldn't help but reflect on our last two embryo's.  They were the weakest in the bunch, but God LOVES to use the weak to make them strong!  It was so comforting and reassuring to read this and confirm that I can trust in him and his promises.

We ate a quick breakfast, took quick showers and I used coconut oil as lotion since it is all natural (my favorite anyway), nothing scented!  My friend L came to help with the boys yesterday.  This time we didn't tell ANYONE, besides her, that we were having our transfer.  C is a little superstitious, since we didn't tell anyone with the boys and it worked then.  When I walked out front I looked up and the sky was just gorgeous!  I was like it was a sign that today was going to be perfect...

C and I feeling hopeful before we left!

We arrived in Redondo Beach a little before 9am.  I met my acupuncturist, D,  in the lobby for the first time, she is very sweet and helpful.  C went to go get a cup of coffee at a coffee shop while I had my acupuncture done and I realized I left my water bottle in the car I was supposed to drink!  Acupuncture was okay.  It wasn't that relaxing before transfer because I was SO anxious!  I just wanted to know how my little embabies were doing.  One of my fears was that one would not make the thaw.  However, D brought an awesome meditation for me to listen to which helped a bit.  While I was laying there I was envisioning  God's hands holding our to blasts like usual.  I was also envisioning angels surrounding me blowing trumpets, it was a beautiful thing!  Then as I saw Gods hands, the were suddenly over my belly and I saw him open His hands and let them fall onto my stomach.  It was amazing!  It was like he was telling me they are going to be okay, these are the ones I am giving you!  I pray this is right!

After acupuncture I drank three large glasses of water quickly and took my valium.  They wheeled me into the transfer room, which is the same room I had my ER in too.  Dr. A checked to see if my bladder was full enough, and it wasn't so I had to drink another large glass of water.  I was a little relieved because my valium hadn't kicked in just yet.  A few minutes later Kristine our embryologist from R & M's rescue ICSI cycle came in and I totally teared up!  It was so good to see her!  I showed her a picture of my boys and she said she always shows other couples who end up needing rescue ICSI a picture I gave her of my twins, who need hope!  I thought that was beautiful!  They are such miracles!

Kristine said "BOTH embryo's thawed beautifully!" Praise Jesus!  C got to see them in the petri dish again prior to transfer, just like with the boys.  I think that is so cool!  I am SO thankful we transferred these two back to where it all began!

Our beautiful blasts... The top is a 4AB, and the bottom a 3AB.  He makes the weak STRONG!

Transfer was perfect too!  Dr. A is awesome, she really took her time and researched where Dr. R placed the twins in my Uterus, so she could put these two in the exact same spot!  I do have scar tissue from having my septum removed AND from C-section so I am praying these two find the perfect cozy location.

After transfer I was wheeled back into recovery, where I had my second session of Acupuncture and I listened to another meditation.  This time I was so relaxed I fell asleep!

Lucky socks!

After I woke up, I had to pee!  She wheeled me in a wheel chair to the bathroom, then wheeled me out to meet C who was getting the truck.  I had my legs up and was reclined for the drive home.  Once home, I heated up lunch in the toaster oven, and laid in bed... and fell asleep until 4pm! I tried to get my boys to go to the park while I rested, but they insisted on taking a nap too!  We all slept until 4!

1dp5dt- today I'm sticking to couch rest.  I'm lounging, still in my pjs, drinking water, and trying to pass the time.  I'm going to try real hard not to symptom spot OR POAS this cycle.  We'll see because I can usually tell if its going to be a neg.  Today I am a little crampy, just mild AF type.  I'm shocked my bb's are NOT sore at all.  Last July when I did PIO for the first time, my bb's were sore on transfer day!  Every time is a little different apparently.

Beta day is on October 31!  I'm going to be staying busy busy busy until then!

This was a long post so if you read it all... YOU ROCK!  Please con't to pray for my little embabies!  THANK YOU!!!! xoxo

Today Is The Day! FET #4

I woke up at 4AM to pee... and I've been up since then!  I cannot keep calm!  I tossed and turned and decided to get up, have a cup of tea, and spend time with the Lord.  I've prayed more and prayed harder for these two embryos, just like I did when we conceived the twins.  Gods got this!

Today is going to be a good day!

Its Frozen Embryo Transfer Day!

Please pray our last two embryos thaw perfectly and begin to expand!  Please pray the transfer goes perfectly and our embryos make it to their 'home.'  Please pray they burrow deep and that God breaths life into them!

Thank you so much!

Having Faith Through Trials

It is so crazy how God uses times like this to stretch our faith.  I mean, C and I really believed we would get pregnant the first try again with our December 2014 IVF. Ha!  It has almost been one whole year of starting IF treatments for baby #3, and no bambino!  I think that would have been to easy for God.  I think he would rather use this time to grow our faith and give us an amazing story to share with others to give Him all the glory.  I mean, Rocco and Maximus's story just keeps getting more and more miraculous, if I don't say so myself!

How on earth we every conceived, let alone conceived twins, is beyond my brain.

Born with a Septated Uterus

Two surgeries to remove it.

Have PCOS

Have MTHFR gene mutation (everyone with PCOS does, apparently)

Husbands sperm cannot penetrate my eggs (reason unknown)

Almost complete IVF failure

TWO healthy gorgeous boys born Aug. 5, 2011

WHAT AN AMAZING GOD WE HAVE

When I sit and reflect on that, I'm just blown away.  Now, how can I be upset that this time hasn't gone as planned!?  Yes, it is painful, yes, we wish it worked the first time, but then God wouldn't have answered our very first prayer of starting this journey for #3, which was, "Lord, please give us just enough!"  One of our fears was having left over embryos.  Now we won't.  We've used them all, or are about to. Each one will have been placed where it was supposed to go.  They have all been prayed over.

We are currently doing a bible study on faith.  I have to say the timing couldn't be more perfect.  One of the the things I've been struggling with isn't faith, because I believe our God can do anything (see above), but trusting that he will do it again for me.  TRUST has been such a big word for me as we go through this.  It is a scary thing to put all of your trust in something/someone.  I was really convicted about this, going through FET #4.  I wanted to put a wall up, go through the motions, so my heart won't break again, but that is not trusting in what He can do.  I am going to believe in the impossible.

"According to your FAITH, will it be done to you." Matthew 9:29

My faith is strong, My trust is finally catching up, I am believing and praying for our miracles.

Our tentative transfer date is going to be October 16th.  Prayers appreciated :)

Change of Plans...

I had been feeling very unsettled, and frustrated, to say the least. This last month, while on "Reset," I emailed Dr. R.  Dr. R moved full time to the Beverly Hills office and no longer does appointments in the Orange County office, where I am.  I had been feeling like I was slipping through the cracks.  No one was taking charge of us, or being our advocate.  Here is my email, copied and pasted...

Hi Dr. R!

I called your office to make an appointment, but your first avail was Sept 17 and I should be starting a new cycle next week.  Sorry, I didn't call sooner!  We are actually in Hawaii right now and enjoying the 'break,' but are ready to try again.

So, this is where we are at.  We have two 'just okay' six day embryos left, which is why we want to transfer both AND this will also be our last time trying.  If these don't work, we want to close this chapter and just enjoy our family of four, which we are beyond blessed with and so thankful for!

However, since this is our last time trying, we want to make sure we do EVERYTHING right and ask all the right questions.  This can be our follow up! :)

1. Why do you think the last three transfers didn't take? Bad embryos? Bad batch?  Does my body not like frozen embryo's?  

2. Before my last transfer, I asked the nurse about doing assisted hatching.  She said that is usually done at the time the embryo's are made and before freezing.  Is this true?  Do we have this option? Do you think this will help?  If it is an option, why has no one suggested it?

3. I did a little reading, I googled specifically, "three failed FET's,"  and found that uterine scratching/biopsy gave a 20% increase in implantation. Do you do this?  Should we do this?

4. What else if anything can we do to make this cycle successful?

5. I also read that Immune problems can cause your IVF to be unsuccessful.  I know I've already been pregnant and given birth, but could I have something new?

6.  Can we have Christine be our embryologist at transfer time?  :)  Looking forward to going to back to Redondo.

7. Do the different offices of Rep Partners have different success rates?

Okay I think that is all!  I wish I had you for all of my other transfers, but I'm hoping to make this last one a taker!  Praying for our take home baby! :)

Thank you Dr. R!

Chris and Sara

 

It took him FIVE days to respond.  I felt like I was bothering him.  Apparently they over book at the BH's office, and they even had Kim Kardashian as a patient, so that makes them more in high demand.

 

Anyway, my nurse had to call him before I could get a response!  His reply's were short and didn't really give me much of anything for comfort.  No other plan.

 

Here is his response...

 

Sara and Chris

 

I hope that you enjoyed (or are still enjoying) your vacation.

 

I understand your wanting to  transfer 2 embryos.  You just need to acknowledge the risk and understand the risk of twins.
1)      I do not know what you haven’t conceived.  Everything looks great.  It could be simply that we have found the normal embryo(s) for this cycle yet.
2)      We routinely hatch embryos when we do day 3 transfers and in day 5 when the zonas (the “shell”) is thickened.  We can do it if you want on the embryos prior to transfer.  We just have to get the lab a note
3)      Uterine scratching does not work.  We thought it did but more information has been generated and most MDs feel that it is not helpful.
4)      ???
5)      Nothing immunologic that we know of will be helpful in your case.
6)      If you want Kris to help, we can asked her.
7)      The clients are different so the successes are a little different but these differences are NOT real.

 

Dr. R

 

This gave me no hope. Except, maybe we just haven't found our one good embryo?  I wasn't settled.  I messaged another Dr in the practice anonymously on a forum they have. He replied that it was true that the scratch has now been found to not really add to anything, but suggested a biopsy of my lining, that will also include the scratch so when "next year they find it to work again, you will have done it!"

 

BAM!  I like how this doctor thinks! 

 

However, I no longer felt comfortable to email of ask Dr. R.  I called my nurse, she called Dr. R, and asked him to call me, I received a text from him that said, "yes, that is probably as good idea."

 

Seriously!? Probably!? Probably is not good enough for me!  I need to hear a definitive yes or no!  The next morning I called again in tears.  I spoke to Patty, she is so sweet, and totally understood my frustration.  I spoke with Dr. A, whom I also totally trust.  She told me that she was surprised I came up with the Endometrium biopsy on my own and that she wanted to suggest it to me after our last appointment, but I wasn't her patient!  I told her that Dr. R had stopped being my advocate after he moved and I was slipping through the cracks.  She agreed.  She scheduled me for the following day.

 

The following day, which was this past Friday, I had Endo Scratch/biopsy done!  It wasn't bad at all, and I'm usually such a baby.  I took 800 mg of ibuprofen, said a prayer asking the Lord to take away the pain, and I barely felt cramps.  It took less than five minutes and felt like a pap smear at most.  I've been spotting the last couple days and have had ZERO pain, and the bleeding is now stopping.

 

With only two embryo's left, I really wanted to make sure we crossed all of our T's and dotted all of our i's.  I just couldn't go through another FET doing the same thing and hoping for the best.  I will get the result of the biopsy at the end of the week.  They are looking for inflammation or an infection which is pretty common and asymptomatic.  If all is normal, at least we did the scratch! 

 

We were supposed to transfer this coming Friday, but now Dr. A had me start prometrium to start my period.... then we will do our last and final FET.

 

Sorry this post was so long!  I had so much to get off my chest.  I honestly believe, God is using this time to grow my faith, and help me to trust him MORE... even if nothing comes from all of this. The day of my break down, I was feeling not only frustrated with my doctor care, or lack there of, but also frustrated that I wasn't seeing a clear cut path on what we should do, like we did with the boys.  When we went through IVF with the boys, I was calm, I felt peace and totally trusted the Lords leading.  I've felt lost this time.  I realized that day, that I needed to give these embryos over to the Lord, they are his after all, not mine.  Just like I did in the past.  I pictured the cross up on a hill, and a duffle bag, with "embryos" written across it.  I push it to the cross, because he promises to carry our burdens for us!

 

"Then Jesus said, 'Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you.  Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is east to bear and the burden I give you is light." Matthew 11:28-30

 

I can honestly say, I feel peace.  No matter the outcome, I know I can trust Him, and I know his plans are for good.