My hands are raised high. I'm waving the white flag. God has me finally where he wants me. In complete and utter surrender. I finally get it, He is God, I am not, nor are my Re's. We have all fought the good fight, only to lose the battle. Yet, here I am. Still breathing. Still moving. Still praying, with my faith as strong as ever.
I feel like I can't get enough... of Him. I feel like I want more... of Him. He is what I need, He is who I am clinging to. My faith isn't wavering. It is like he has taken me on this journey, not to hurt me, but to grow me. Not to shake my faith, but to make it unshakeable.
God you are good, oh so good to me. Even in this. Even in this brokenness. Even in losing my babies.
Surrender means waiting. Waiting to see what God is going to do next. Not moving an inch in any area until the fog has lifted and the path is clear. God, I am waiting on you.
So here I sit, not still, still moving, searching, praying, filling my mind with Him and His words of truth. I am focusing on Him and his promises for me. That "He loves me and will never forsake me," that, "If He is for me than who ever can be against me," that "He is faithful," and that I can "Trust in the Lord with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding."
I wait, Fully surrendered to what the Lord has for me and my family.