Tuesday, November 15, 2016

Submission.

My hands are raised high.  I'm waving the white flag.  God has me finally where he wants me.  In complete and utter surrender.  I finally get it, He is God, I am not, nor are my Re's.  We have all fought the good fight, only to lose the battle.  Yet, here I am.  Still breathing.  Still moving.  Still praying, with my faith as strong as ever.

I feel like I can't get enough... of Him.  I feel like I want more... of Him.  He is what I need, He is who I  am clinging to.  My faith isn't wavering.  It is like he has taken me on this journey, not to hurt me, but to grow me. Not to shake my faith, but to make it unshakeable.

God you are good, oh so good to me.  Even in this.  Even in this brokenness.  Even in losing my babies.

Surrender means waiting.  Waiting to see what God is going to do next.  Not moving an inch in any area until the fog has lifted and the path is clear.  God, I am waiting on you.

So here I sit, not still, still moving, searching, praying, filling my mind with Him and His words of truth.  I am focusing on Him and his promises for me.  That "He loves me and will never forsake me," that, "If He is for me than who ever can be against me," that "He is faithful," and that I can "Trust in the Lord with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding."

I wait, Fully surrendered to what the Lord has for me and my family.




Friday, October 28, 2016

WTF appointment and such...

It's getting spooky around here πŸ‘»πŸŽƒ we are getting ready for a big Halloween Bash at our house tomorrow!
Just an update on all things ttc... I had my follow up WTF appt. basically my RE gave me two options, use a surrogate or try again. He thinks it's immune issues. He also gave our last two embryos each a 90% success rate, and I lost them πŸ˜ͺ Our last two he gave them an 80%. It makes sense though bc the only thing that has changed with my health is allergies! Since having my twins I get them super bad which means my immune system is over active. I got my immune records and it showed my anti-cardiolipins were elevated or high, also some NK cells. So, I have been doing some major research on my own! I found some articles that were very promising about adding prednisone, specifically 20mg starting at 'ovulation' until 12 weeks. Lots of success stories there! I am in the process of getting approval with that protocol. Also, I am adding the natural form of wobenzyme which has anti inflammatory properties and is also supposed to help! I have an appt with a naturopath Tuesday.
Most importantly I have completely surrendered this to the Lord! I feel a sense of peace and calm. We have also filled out adoption applications just incase. If God closes this door I am praying he will open another! πŸ’•πŸ™ŒπŸ» Happy Halloween everyone!!!

Saturday, October 15, 2016

At a loss...

How can this be us? This is our fourth loss. First with PGS normal embryos. Not sure if I told you all but we lost two boys πŸ’”πŸ’” I am seriously so lost and broken hearted. I don't even know where to go from here. We have two embryos left, but I think my uterus is destroying them. We did everything this cycle... hysteroscopy and resected a uterine septum (third time), RPL panal, added lovenox, intralipids, I did an uterine receptivity test, we finally had PGS normal embryos. There is nothing left. I've done the scratch thing too! Wasted thousands and thousands of dollars over two IVF's and seven transfers.. nothing to show for it but broken hearts and many babies in heaven... seven transfers and 10 beautiful embryos. Now only God can give us answers. How in the world did I have my twins?1.
Never in my worst nightmare would I imagine this would be us. All my boys wanted was a baby sister, we tried. This has all been such a test to our faith. I know God loves us, but no one should go through thisπŸ˜ͺ  

I will have my WTF appointment and then decide what to do next, if anything. Surrogacy may be our only option for our remaining two. C texted me and said we should adopt a baby girl, today. We'll see! Researching options...

Friday, October 14, 2016

Beta... transfer eight.

19.... Heartbroken 😭 two PGS normals. I guess I'm just supposed to only be a mother to two.

Thursday, October 13, 2016

Beta EVE.... 10dp6dt


Even with all my 'symptoms' I'm scared to death! I could really use some prayers. And after I post this, I will be doing some praying myself! I know these little embryos are in His hands. This was our SEVENTH transfer ttc a sibling for our twins. I went into it thinking it might be our last, regardless of outcome. I have seen/heard so many times "I'm so sorry Sara" I just can't bare to hear it one more time. Our first MC the beta was a 33, we lost that one at 6 weeks and I had a natural MC. Our second MC our beta was 120 something, I was excited! We finally were over 100. The second beta dropped to 88 😒. Our third the embryos started to implant than fizzled right before beta. My heart has been broken more times than anyone deserves, and I know some of you ladies have been through worse! I can't bear it! I need to lean on Jesus to carry me. We need a breakthrough... we need a miracle! In Jesus name! πŸ™ŒπŸ» 

I did it without poas. So proud of myself. Gave this whole cycle over to the Lord, laid it at his feet. All I want is His will and not mine... I just do pray it contains a miracle or two❤️πŸ™πŸ»

Symptoms increasing: fatigue, wanted to sleep on the couch this afternoon but boys didn't let me. Increased appetite, it's a different type of hunger I can't explain. Bb's growing and sore, bloating so bad and not going anywhere, gassy, craving salty foods. Tonight I ate my kids organic chicken fingers and ketchup and dipped carrots in the ketchup 😱 So strange for me!

Sunday, October 9, 2016

6dp6dt Symptoms... Transfer number Eight!


Symptoms:  I woke up at 5 am again, this time with a migraine.  It has been coming and going all day.  I remember this with my twins but that didn't start until I was past six weeks!  Maybe its from the estradiol shots? My bb's are extremely sore and definitely growing.  My stomach is crazy bloated and not going anywhere!  I'm also already craving pickles and salty foods... and my appetite has increased!  

I think this week is going to drag... five days until BETA!  C doesn't want me taking a pregnancy test, even though I KNOW I'm pregnant!  I may have to sneak one on tuesday when I will be four weeks!  I seriously can't believe how pregnant I feel already!  This is crazy... In a very good way!

The Test of Faith Through Infertility



I was reflecting at church last night during worship with tears in my eyes, praising God for how faithful He is... some of my darkest days were during this journey.

Just this year, during our last miscarriage, my faith hung on by a thread. It was tested beyond measure, I was losing hope. How could God allow me to go through this? But how could he NOT? He allowed me to be tested. No this wasn't his original plan, but this is the one thing he allowed, that is beyond painful, to show me he is walking with me, hurting with me, and carrying me through the pain of Infertility, the pain and hurt of losing three babies.

In the past two years (not to mention the 2.5 years in took to conceive my twins), my faith has been tested beyond measure, I have been on my knees begging God with tears streaming down my cheeks for him to take this desire for a baby away if it wasn't his plan and begging him for one, if it was. But this test is my testimony, that God loves me unconditionally, he has shown me time and time again how faithful he truly is! My relationship with Jesus is stronger than ever, and I can say that I love him SO much more than I did before I started this journey eight years ago.

Each passing year he has shown me his grace, showed me his great love for me that I have humbly accepted and grown my faith beyond measure. I know the Lord and he knows me. We can let infertility ruin us, or we can put our hope and faith in a God who wants to GROW us! Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine I would have this struggle. However, everyone on earth has some type of struggle, this happens to be ours, and it has made me who I am... an underserving Child of God, who is humbly saved by his grace. I love him more and more each passing day. Thank you Jesus for this gift, of you!

I hope all of you find peace, comfort and faith from a God who loves you beyond measure and allow him to work big things in your hearts, allowing this test to also be your testimony❤️

Saturday, October 8, 2016

4dp6dt- 5dp6dt Transfer Eight



I took this last night! This is my tried and true pregnancy symptom... I get major bloat which looks more like a pooch! My stomach was flat 4 days ago! It started 3dp6dt and by yesterday it's definitely more! The best part, it's still here this morning! After three losses I'm staying cautiously optimistic, but with those pregnancies, I never had it this early! Praying at least one of these little ones stuck and continue!

Here are some more symptoms... went to dinner last night with friends, exhausted by 8pm! Restless sleep again. Peed twice in the middle of the night. It's 11am right now and I need a nap 😴



Thursday, October 6, 2016

3dp6dt Transfer numero eight!

Houston, we have symptoms!

I got super bloated from being on Lupron for so long. After stopping, it took a while to go back down.  The day of transfer I woke up and thought, "wow, the bloat is gone!  My stomach is finally going back to normal!"  I actually thought I looked thin again!  Well that is GONE!

This morning I woke up and thought my stomach looked a little bloated and C agreed, but then I didn't think much of it.  As the day went on, I started getting very tired and foggy headed, boobs started getting much more sore, and tonight... I got the bloat!  The bloat I can't suck in... I can't believe it!!!  I'm 90% sure as least one of these little ones attached!  Please Lord keep them growing big, strong and healthy!

The breakdown...

AM:  Woke up multiple times last night, once to pee, vivid dreams (the last couple nights), slightly bloated, hungry, made out with DH and his mouth tasted like metal!

Lunch: opened my salad and it smelled stinky to me, I almost didn't eat it.  Tired and foggy headed, sore bb's and more pulling on the left side in pelvic area.

PM: Sore bb's, and the bloat is back!!!

Please pray for us!!!


Wednesday, October 5, 2016

2dp6dt- Transfer Number Eight!

AM- Nada. Zilch. Zip. Zero. Symptoms. Cramps gone. Feel nothing. Boobs slightly tender from progesterone.

Lunch time- Maybe I feel something in my uterus a little heaviness.  Some tweaks and pulls. Tired. Headachy.

Evening- Headaches that come and go.  More pulls on the left side kind of by my ovary area. Fatigue. Sore bb's.  DH mentioned my bb's look big... All progesterone related.

Still doing 1cc PIO and 2 crinone/day.  My mom came over today to help and today is my last day of bedrest, thank goodness!  All you do on BR is obsess over every little thing!  I am sending my mom home with all my cheapo wandfo tests.  I don't want ANY temptations in the house!  Just getting them out of here relieves some stress for me!  I THINK I'm going to wait for BETA... which is next Friday.  Unless I get that I'm totally pregnant feeling! ;-)

In the mean time... I'm PREGNANT... until proven otherwise!!!

Tuesday, October 4, 2016

1dp6dt Transfer Eight


I was pretty tired when I went to bed last night, but woke up having dreams that my stomach was hurting.  Well it was!  I was have terrible AF like cramps at 3 am til about 6 am.  Now they are coming and going.  Is this normal?  I'm praying this is implantation cramps!  I'm tired, but thats because I couldn't sleep much with these cramps!  I finally got up at 5am so DH could sleep.  Other than that, my bb's are starting to get a little sore but I know that is progesterone related.

Praying this is a good sign!!!


Transfer Day!


The night before transfer I was calm and filled with peace (as I wrote in prev post).  I slept great, woke up refreshed, had a quiet time.  I have been loving my prayer life with the Lord.  I started journaling my prayers and it really helps me to focus and open up.  Anyway, we ate breakfast, got the kids ready for Disneyland, Nonna and Papa were taking them, and we were off!

We had to be there at 9am... then we waited.  At first this really irritated me about my new RE.  Always waiting, but then I realized it was because he was the best in the area and totally slammed!  So I changed my attitude and decided he was worth the wait.  We waited 1 hour and 40 min before being called back.  Thankfully I prepped Chris on the waiting, so he was able to work the whole time on his laptop. A little annoying, but okay because he was there with me.

Dr. P came in with a pic of our perfectly normal embryos.  He said they were completely hatched out of their shell but didn't give me any grades.  Apparently calling them 6's is old school.  This place is much more advanced than what I'm used to for sure!  He left for a few and came back in, prepped me,  inserted a catheter which I saw on the screen and said that another catheter would go through it carrying our embabes! It was so fast!  I saw two beautiful flashes and they were there, back to where they belong.

I laid there for about 15 minutes before I was sent back to the surgery center for another round of lipids.  I closed my eyes, listened to an IVF meditation on Youtube and rel
axed.


I came home and I'm now on three days of bedrest.  It was a perfect day... although I really missed my boys, I was thankful they were gone so I could rest in peace and let these little ones implant (hopefully!).  I keep hearing Pomegranate juice is so good for implantation so I made a mocktail of Cold pressed Pomegranate and San Pellegrino.  Very delicious!


I also did my first lovenox injection.  I heard it burns and it does!  It feels like menapur, so it wasn't SO bad, I just pushed it in slow. :)

 I will post my 1dpt on another post...

Sunday, October 2, 2016

Transfer Eve...

Chris and I were just going over what number transfer this is.  He thinks its six I think its eight or I'm considering it the eighth!

Transfer ONE- IVF #1- My beautiful twins
Transfer TWO- IVF #2-FET 1- SET BFP low beta of 33, miscarried at 6 weeks.
Transfer THREE- FET 2-SET BFN
Transfer FOUR- FET 3- SET BFN
Transfer FIVE- FET 4- two embryos- BFP Beta 120ish - second Beta 89ish :(
Transfer SIX- Using my frozen eggs- embryo died. Didn't transfer, but I count it, bc it died day of transfer :(
Transfer SEVEN- IVF #3- Two beautiful 6aa blasts. started to implant then fizzed out.
Transfer EIGHT- PGS- Two blasts- ???

Looking at this is scary. Daunting. Heart wrenching for anyone to go through this.  I can't believe it was me!  This doesn't count the surgeries, IUI's, hundreds of injections, pills, thousands of dollars, and months TTC on our own!  I can ask why me God, but I already know the answer!  God has been using this to work big things in my heart.  I have always been one who can 'figure it out' to make it work.  This is the one thing in my life, I can't.  I have to rely totally on God.  I have no idea what the future holds, if we get our miracle(s), or not, if this will be our last transfer, or not.  But looking at this knowing what we did this cycle to make it work,  I can't imagine anything else will help it happen.

This cycle I feel like I have completely let go.  I had one or two days of anxiety about my progesterone.  But thank God, I got approval about doing the PIO and Corinne.  Other than that, I just stopped talking about it, not with my IRL friends, not with my bible study, I don't really want prayers... Okay I do really want prayers, but I don't really want to ask people I know!  I feel like I'm done with all that.  God knows my heart.  God knows the desires of my heart, and he also knows what is best for us.  This is it.  I'm at peace, totally calm about tomorrow.  I pray this peace will continue through the 2ww and beyond!

So, tomorrow, I have to be there at 9am.  After transfer I do another intralipids via IV. I start lovenox tomorrow night, a little scared about that because I heard it burns, and those bruises look terrible :(



Friday, September 30, 2016

THREE days til PUPO status!


That God has a plan. That our tears and heartbreak won't go wasted.  That he will use them for His glory.  That His plan is greater than our desires.  I believe.
When you find a chocolate pineapple you must eat it right away, because it must be good luck!
I'm totally counting down!  I have been so calm about this whole cycle... until I started the progesterone! I think part of the thing that has helped me so much is not talking about it with my friends/family.  I'm not obsessing.  I also just felt that God was leading me to this RE, so I am trusting in this plan.  We also found a septum and removed it, we are trying a whole new protocol, are doing intralipids (One round done, will do another day of transfer and another after BFP!), and I start lovenox transfer night!  However, I started worrying again when I started the progesterone on Monday!
Getting my Intra lipids via IV!

So, I know some of you have done more progesterone than your RE recommended.  My new RE only recommends crinone twice a day, AM/PM.  That's it!  I'm sorry, but after our first miscarriage, I had my progesterone tested, it was only a 7 and I was on 3 suppositories per day! I messaged my coordinator and she said

"The gel twice per day should be adequate. If the progesterone is less than 10 at time of hug test, then we will add PIO."


I'm sorry but I don't want to risk it!  I have three bottles of unopened PIO from my IVF #3.  I added 1 cc of PIO to the regimen.  After what we have been through, I'm not risking not having enough!  That is crazy!  So I'm doing 1 shot of PIO and crinone twice a day.  You cannot take too much progesterone, but you can have too little!

We did a mini trip to Santa Barbara last week! Maximus on left, Rocco on right!



Wednesday, September 21, 2016

FET with PGS

I don't even know what number FET this is, but I know this one is going completely different! Not sure if it's the new protocol? Being on BCP's so long bc of our trip? Or just a fluke thing? Well, we had some big bumps in the road this FET cycle! First I've never had to do bcp's and Lupron for an FET. After I stopped the pills, I had a period, but then my lining was still thick! My re had me stay on the Lupron a week longer to hopefully help it thin. Then I went back and there was fluid in it πŸ˜– so then I had to have it drained a few days later! Finally, I started my estrogen shots! Did one round of intralipids, I go back Monday for a lining check. Just this past Monday my lining was already at 13😳!  Re said it looked great and shouldn't get much thicker. We are finally on track. Transfer is going to be in 12 days!!!! We plan on transferring two PGS normals... After two years trying for a sibling for our twins and countless tears, we are praying this is it! We are also adding lovenox soon!

Right now we are in Santa Barbara! My DH just opened an office here on state street, expanding his business! We love it here! I'm so extremely proud of him! God is so good!

Sunday, September 18, 2016

I could pinch myself!

I thought about not updating the blog.  It has been so nice to disconnect! I thought about what it would be like to just [hopefully] surprise you all that I would be pregnant [God willing].  Well I'm not... yet. I don't have too much to update, but that things are progressing.

We had an amazing summer.  It flew by.  My boys are growing leaps and bounds, they are expert travelers, visiting three countries this summer, Montenegro, Greece (many Islands) and Italy.  I can't help but feel so blessed and ask myself, 'How did I get so lucky?' God has blessed me beyond my wildest dreams.  I could pinch myself... but this is my reality...





I finally feel content.  I know where we are is a great place.  I know God is with us no matter what, baby or no baby. What a blessing that I was able to carry two babies at once. They are such miracles.

After many bumps in the road, we are 2 weeks away from our FET transfer... stay tuned!

FYI on Instagram I had to change my name... @twinandangelmomma for privacy reasons!



Wednesday, June 22, 2016

Major update!

Hello! I'm alive! There is so much to update! I'm on my phone so I'm going to sum it up!

Found a new RE, Dr Potter! Ironically he was on the OC housewives show this week... If you watch that show ;) Major update ladies!!!! I had a hysteroscopy done today by him, even though I had one done in December by a different RE he "wanted to see for himself."

I had a uterine septum removed twice before I had my twins. Today he went in today there was still a residual septum!!!! I couldn't believe it!!!!! This is why we can't get pregnant or stay pregnant! How we had our twins is a freakin miracle!

He just clipped it off pretty quickly! The nurse said, "the tissue where the septum was is beautiful now!" I was in tears! After all this heartache , we found our why! Praise Jesus! I can't believe it! And btw I was awake and had no pain meds!

I know I'm going to have a lot of babies in heaven! I can't believe this was the cause! πŸ˜’πŸ’” I have new hope for the future!

We have a busy summer planned! Leaving for Yosemite at 5am tomorrow, then Europe July 27! As soon as I start my next cycle I start bcp's to prep for this FET! It's so different. You do bcp's, Lupron, E2 shots, then the progesterone gel. He also wants to test me for NK cells and I'm doing a gluclose test to see if I need metformin for pcos. He is on it! I'm so thankful I found him! God is good!

Wednesday, May 11, 2016

I'm alive!

heartbroken. But I'm alive.

Seriously. I don't think we would have ever tried for another knowing we would be put through such hell. I think I need a break from all things IF. Last summer sucked. We had two transfers and two BFN's. This summer we are going to travel. We are booking a trip Europe, with our boys in August, plus a few other mini trips before.

I know we have four normal blasts. But honestly I'm so scared to even transfer them in fear my body will just destroy them. I think a change of RE's is much over due. I am thinking about going back to dr Anderson. He has an 85% success rate. The down side is he will only transfer one embryo. It scares me. There are pro's and cons of one vs two, but According to him, I am very lucky I had a successful twin pregnancy. I guess he has seen a lot of sad outcomes.

There is another dr right next door, Dr Potter, who also has a lot of success. I am going to interview him and see. He will transfer two.

Honestly after going through so much heartbreak, we just want a healthy baby. Lots to consider. I feel drained. I can't even pray about it any more. I'm just done.

Yesterday I got hit with a triple whammy... Diarrhea, vomiting, fever... And I started AF :( the good fortune continues. I think it was food poisoning. Not eating Mexican food for a long time!

Friday, May 6, 2016

Chemical! IVF #3

Or a big fat negative! I noticed today that all my symptoms were gone or practically gone! So I decided to test to know for sure! I have a faintest of faint lines on a FRER! So disappointing.

Wednesday, May 4, 2016

7dp6dt Feeling Thankful for Today IVF #3

I am thankful for today. I am thankful that today I feel pregnant, that today, I know one or both of these embabes attached and are growing, and for that I thank God!
Since Monday, my symptoms are getting stronger and stronger! Today 7dp6dt I can feel my bb's getting more sore, my lower stomach is pooching out from bloat and I can't suck it in, I'm exhausted, I feel twinges and crampy off and on, I have waves of nausea (quick moments), I'm getting hungrier and I have a headache. That's a lot!

However, there have been moments today where I'm like, "OH NO, is the bloating gone? My bb's don't hurt anymore?!" I do a self check probably a gazillion times a day.

After having two losses, it is so hard to think past today. I can't. I have to guard my heart. But today I can be so thankful to God for where I am today. Today I know I am pregnant.
Now we are just praying for a high Beta and for them to stick! ❤️πŸ™πŸ» Thank you all for your prayers and words of encouragement! ❤️ you all #ivfsisters
Beta in three more days! πŸ™πŸ»πŸ™πŸ»πŸ™πŸ» All of this gives me hope!

I also got a call from my RE. We have FOUR normals out of TEN! I have mixed emotions! It is really good, but if these take, we are done. I asked NOT to know the genders, but She seemed so excited, I know there are girls in there :( all of this is in Gods hands out of my control. If these take, we will pray about what to do with our other embabies. I am a little sad at the moment honking about them.

Monday, May 2, 2016

I Think I Tested Too Early... 5dp6dt IVF #3

My boy Maximus on the SUP with Mommy!
First of all, Thank you for all of your support!  I so appreciate your prayers and words of encouragement!

After my last poas around 3pm, seeing a BFN, I couldn't take it any more... I put those sticks AWAY! Vowing not to test for at least two days so I can get a better answer.  I went to bed feeling hopeless, 100% sure that this didn't work, devastated, bargaining with God, I am going to bed with new found hope tonight!

How am I feeling 5dp6dt? I think I might have tested too soon!  HELLO BLOAT!!!!!  Oh how I missed you!  Its back... its full on!  I should my stomach to my hubby and he confirmed.  He had just got done commenting how flat my stomach was again two days ago.  My bb's are also getting sore, more so on the sides.

This morning I woke up still feeling helpless. Hopeless.  You should read my prayer journal!  Asking God WHY?  WHY does this keep happening to us?  I was then reading in Psalms and I was given this verse...


Reminded again that my hope and trust is in him... and nothing else!

Today my gf Crystal and I took our kiddos to the nature center in New Port Back Bay.  It was the perfect place to get my mind off of all this!  The had a scavenger hunt for the kids to find things in nature... lady bug, tadpoles, pinecone, bark, a log, butterfly, lizard, etc.  The kids LOVED it!  I found it super healing.

As I was walking around, I kept thinking, am I feeling the bloat coming back?  Are my bb's now sore?  OMGosh they are!  I'm not kidding, my stomach is getting more bloated by the min. AMAZING.

I am keeping those tests away.  I'm going to rest in these symptoms.  Pray they keep getting stronger. Wait for BETA Saturday and PRAY these babes STICK!  Please let them be our take home babies!!!!





Sunday, May 1, 2016

4dp6dt IVF #3


I've been testing since 1dpt hoping to test out the HCG, using this lovely wondfo internet cheepies.  I was getting faint positives until today. Stark feeling white. BFFN!  This sucks! I know this didn't work! Ugh πŸ˜” I know you can say it's just too early, but I've been to this BBQ before. I will test again tomorrow, but those 6aa embryos should have implanted by now! Why does this keep happening to us?! This breaks my heart, more for my sons than for me.

I have no symptoms either! I'm missing my bloating symptom, and my bb's still aren't sore! I was super crampy yesterday, but that is typical.

I will test again tomorrow. I just know my body really well too! If it's really a negative, we have ten beautiful embryos being PGS tested. I just prayed however that God would give us ZERO normals, if he wasn't planning of giving us a take home baby. I just want to be done and move on if his answer is no. 😞 This journey is so painful!
From my quiet time, "then he touched their eyes and said 'because of your faith, it will happen.'" Seriously, my faith is so strong, I 1000% believe he can do this, but why is he not? 😒

Thursday, April 28, 2016

1dp6dt IVF #3



Still on bedrest!  Really trying to take this rest serious!  Thankfully I've had some help with my boys today and my mom stayed all day yesterday and put them down last night.  

So far, I don't feel anything other than some minor twinges and crampy feelings on an off, hoping thats a good sign! My bb's are not sore at all from the progesterone yet.  I was so so bloated from ER, but that is almost gone, and I pray it comes back!  Bloating is my #1 pregnancy sign!

I have a bunch of internet cheepies so a took a test to see if trigger was still there and there was a tinge of a line so I know it is.  We did only did a 5000iu trigger so hopefully it will be gone soon and then I can see those tests get darker!  If we do get a positive, I am going to try really hard NOT to get excited.  I have to guard my heart. After two losses, its hard, it changes you.  We just want to see a heartbeat!  First things first though... burrow in deep little ones! 

Wednesday, April 27, 2016

stick stick stick! IVF #3


Last night (and the last few days), I was filled with anxiety and fear, questioning if we were doing the right thing, attempting to having more babies, and how many to transfer.  I really feel like the devil was at work and I was being spiritually attacked.  I tossed and turned couldn't sleep.  I prayed and prayed for peace and clarity on transferring one or two embryos.  I finally fell asleep when I felt that God answered me.  I was reminded that this whole cycle, I laid at His feet, like I did with the boys.  I let go and let God do his work.  So we decided that we are putting our faith in trust in the creator of life. I realized that no matter what we put in, God has the final say.  We can end up with no baby, one baby or two!  I fell asleep at that thought and felt sure we were doing the right thing.

I ended up having a terrible dream that Dr. A only transferred one and left the other one in the dish and it was going to be destroyed.  I was beyond devastated!  More confirmation we needed to transfer both!
Last night Rocco did the most precious thing at dinner, he prayed the most sincere prayer on his own. He stopped eating and said "we need to pray mommy."  He closed his eyes put his two hands together and said, "Dear Lord, please put two babies in mommy's tummy, one for Maximus and one for me." My heart completely melted.  Lord hear his prayer!

We are finally PUPO!  PUPO With the best two blasts I've ever seen!  A 6AA completely hatched embryo and an almost completely hatched AA embryo (Kristine our embryologist said it was like a 5 1/2 AA)! They were so big they couldn't capture their whole picture! What a blessing! We are so thankful! Thank you for all of your prayers! Now we just need some sticky vibes for these two beauties 😍😍

taken right before transfer, valium kicking in! :)

We had the most stressful  time getting to the transfer!  I was 15 minutes late!  Every light was red going down the freeway, the onramp was closed to the freeway we had to take another detour, horrible LA traffic, more red lights off the freeway. I was a stress case and so thankful for the valium!

Our embabies!  The top on is the 6AA, the bottom is the almost 6AA :))



Tuesday, April 26, 2016

Day FIVE Embryo Update! IVF #3



You guys I'm in tears! After all we have been through years and years of trying, BFN's, two miscarriages, so many hoops, trials, two other IVF's, never once did we get one hatching blast on day five! I'm blown away a by the goodness of God, that he has given us some beautiful embryos....

πŸ‘‰πŸ»SIX hatching blasts
πŸ‘‰πŸ»TWO expanded
πŸ‘‰πŸ»SEVEN early
πŸ‘‰πŸ»FOUR morula's

My twins were and expanded blast and an early blast on day six! So I know the grading does not necessarily mean everything! But I know from this, that we are SO much closer to completing our family! I praise God so much for his faithfulness. He has never left my side.

We are transferring TWO at 10:30 tomorrow! Prayers that the right embryos get put back, and they take!


From Day three...
25 Fertilized
1 stopped dividing
3 aren't six cell yet
21 are 6-8 cells!


Friday, April 22, 2016

Twenty Five!!!! IVF #3



We've got embabies! Praise God!!!! I've really been praying, putting all of this in Gods hands! His will, not mine!

For IVF # 2 we were very concerned about having extra embryos. We had 37 eggs retrieved, but we only ICSI'd seven of them, from that we got five blasts! I was relieved that we only ICSI'd seven! However, my RE made me do a freeze all bc of my high E2 numbers. I had no idea what was going to come of it! I did not know that all we would get was two babies in heaven and three BFN's. It was a year of trials and heartbreak. We were planning on only doing one last IVF. We thought for sure it would have worked bc it did us the first time! IVF #1 we were given a 1% chance of working, but we found out our diagnosis and we were blessed with our twin boys!

This IVF # 3, we never planned on. I do feel the Lord has been leading us this whole time! I have felt his presence, his guidance. I am also very sure this is our last and final try to complete our family, baby or no baby.

Instead of trying to 'control' the outcome of our embryos, I am TRUSTING the Lord, that he knows what he is doing. The creator of life has them in His hands. I have let go and let God do his thing.
As hard as that is to do, I think that has been my biggest lesson during all of our Infertility struggles, letting go of control and TRUSTING in the creator! What a relief for us that we can do that! Let him carry our burdens and do all the work! :) thank you God for these 25 growing embryos! I trust in your great plan for them, and our family! πŸ™πŸ»❤️ now #growgrowgrow

Thursday, April 21, 2016

Thirty Two!

32! I'm resting with my feel up at home. The pain is starting to kick in again and I was given a prescription of Vicodin. Hoping to pop one and take a nap!

Here is the odd thing... Many of my follicles contained multiple eggs! One contained 5 eggs 😳 multiples do run in the family. My great grandmother had two sets of twins. I think if we didn't have IF, I would be a twin maker! :)) Glory to the most high! He is with me!❤️

Monday, April 18, 2016

Sims day 8, 9, 10! IVF #3

So, I've started an IF Instagram if you want to follow me on there too (twinmommaSara_ttc)!  I'm posting on both places.  This one I'm more detailed on my emotions and what is going on with everything.  But, I post more on there... pics etc.  Instagram is has an amazing support group for infertility, IVF, and all things TTC.  The hashtag #IVFsisters is a great one to connect!  Its also fun following other sisters who are cycling the same time as you.

I added my fourth shot!  Here is my latest meds list:
5 iu lupron
1cc menaBURN (I say that bc it burns!)
1 cc HGH (Human Growth Hormone)
150 iu gonal-f 

This day was awesome.  I was still feeling good.  I had to go to the RE to have them mix up the Saizen (HGH) and get my third shot of the day in the morning.  When we (the boys and I) came back home, my friend Crystal came over with her kiddos.  It was such a beautiful day!  I heated up the pool for the kids to swim, while we lounged outside in the sun.  The pic above was taken at the boys t'ball game.  They were exhausted!  After the game they told me they didn't like baseball anymore, I honestly don't like it.  Its so demanding and my kids are only four!  I signed them up only for my husband who loves it!

I have one lead follicle measuring 20mm and another bunch measuring 16 and another bunch measuring 13.  Dr is going to ignore the lead follicle, pray it doesn't ovulate.  It shouldn't since i'm still on lupron.  We are going for the second bunch.  My E2 rose to 1900 so I'm starting the OHSS diet... staying away from carbs, sugars, and eating lots of fats, veggies, salt.  I'm adding himalayan salt to my water and drinking coconut water.

We went to a friend of the boys bday party.  I came home so exhausted! I started drinking the electrolyte water, but not the diet so much for lunch bc there weren't many options.  I cam home, my belly hurting and I was so tired.  Last night for dinner I just ate a burger no bun and salad.  I woke up feeling so much better.


Stims day 10!  This was from this morning.  I was hoping I would be ready to trigger, but I wasn't counting on it.  I've had to swim for 11 days the last two times.  Follicles are growing...

The one with the X is my lead follicle which is already at 26!  Its probably going to get over ripe ;)  but that is okay!  We are triggering tomorrow night!!!  I was thinking we were going to have less eggs, but I'm not so sure!  My Estrogen rose again from 1900 to 3200... OHSS here I come! :(  Just praying my diets helps!


 I will leave you with a pic from today of my free-spirited child, Maximus.  I just love him so much!

Friday, April 15, 2016

Stims Day SEVEN! IVF #3



I went in for another follicle and E2 check!  Still waiting for my E2 levels... praying they don't get too high!  But as for my follicles, my RE is very happy!  Everything is growing well and she keeps comparing this cycle with the one that worked!  I'm on much lower meds.  I was taking 225 iu of Gonal and now I'm only taking 150 iu.  Today my follicles (about 20 of them) were measuring 10mm to 13mm and one was at 15mm and lining was already at 10!

Starting tomorrow, I'm going in daily!  They want to closely monitor me and make sure I don't over stim.  Well actually, I am not going in for a monitoring appt, but they are going to show me how to mix and inject the HGH (Human Growth Hormone).  So starting tomorrow my poor belly will be taking FOUR injections a day :(  I'm getting so sensitive too.  I am hesitating with each shot because they are really starting to hurt.  I am full of tiny holes and bruises.

My RE thinks I will be ready for trigger Monday or Tuesday which will be 10 or 11 days of stims. ER will likely be Wednesday or Thursday!  Yippee!!!  I can't wait!

Today I'm feeling a bit headachy, with aching ovaries.  I'm also exhausted but that could just be from spending the whole day at Disneyland!  C is gone to Nevada for a work conference, so the boys and I have been staying busy... Aquarium Wednesday, Disney Thursday, and today rest! Zzzzzz....

I will admit, I've been having mixed emotions.  I was talking to one of my gf's about having more kids.  She is D-O-N-E and happy with her two girls.  At moments, I do feel like I could be done too and question myself trying again.  The boys are getting older and the thought of starting all over does worry me a bit.  I've also thought about the fact that we will likely have extra embryo's.  What will we do with them?  Traveling with two kids is a piece of cake, what if we have twins again?  Will we still be able to travel?  I do think part of the reason I want more is because I've only had one pregnancy and I've wanted to experience it one more time!  Not to mention I love my boys so freakin much, and I feel like I have more love to give!

In any regard, I am moving forward.  Looking forward to seeing what God will do... :)

I will update with my E2 level once I get the call




Wednesday, April 13, 2016

Stims Day FIVE! IVF #3

I took this pic after leaving my RE! I went in worried because I thought they didn't order me enough Gonal-F, but to my surprise my favorite nurse, Patty, blessed me with a FREE gonal-F pen! She had it saved for me because sometimes the reps come in with samples. So sweet! We are paying 100% out of pocket so this was sure a blessing and a huge surprise!

Everything is going great! Estrogen rose to from 71 Monday to 280 today, and I have at least 10 follies on each ovary measuring from 7-10mm :) I'm guessing 5-6 more days of stims, this is going quick!

Once they get to 14mm we are adding Saizen HGH  (Human Growth Hormone) for three days to help with egg quality, which will hopefully be this weekend! :) It's getting real ladies... And I'm gettin excited again. I've been just going through the motions, scared to get my hopes up to fail again. But we have to have hope, at least a little πŸ™πŸ»❤️

My current meds...
AM: Lupron 5iu
        Menapur 1cc
PM: Gonal-F 150u (bumped up from 100 Monday after my 71 estrogen level)


Here are a few more pics of my week!

Mixing my MenaBURN!  I forgot how much this stuff burns!  I just inject super slow and its much better.

My mornings... ;)
Day 3 I woke up with a migraine.   Thankful for my littles who kept me company on the couch.  Its all those extra hormones!

I've been eating super clean!  Green juices daily!
GROWING THOSE EGGS!!!




Friday, April 8, 2016

Lets Do This! IVF#3


Just finished my last day of Lupron!  Woot woot!!

Lining Check... DONE!
Bloodwork... DONE!

See my twins behind the dildo cams?  They are such good boys!

I've been pretty good on the lupron except for the last few days.  I've been super emotional.  It has not helped that my brother and his girlfriend just announced that they are "accidentally" expecting.  Hearing my moms joy for this new baby to be just broke me.  Everyone knows what we have been through this past year, so much loss and heartbreak.  She knows we are going through IVF again.  It made me want to STOP sharing my story with anyone.  NO one gets the pain.  No one knows what its like to go through IF.  This just makes me want to keep it all in, and share with only my IVF and IF sisters.

Everyone is just so excited over this baby, which I know i will love too, but the timing couldn't be more terrible.  Here we are, married, doing what is 'right', and they accidentally get knocked up, while i go and give my self drugs, shots in the gut!  She didn't even want kids.  When I said congrats to her, she was like, 'haha ya thanks.'  She has no idea the gift she has been given.

My heart breaks, but I am holding on to a tiny bit of hope for us, for my boys, who are also praying a baby!

Tomorrow is going to be DAY 1 for stims!  Here is what my meds are...

AM-baby aspirin, 5iu lupron, 1 cc menopur

PM- 100iu gonal-f

Last IVF I stimmed for 11 days.  I'm guessing it will be about the same!

LETS DO THIS!


Monday, April 4, 2016

Prayers for Rocco

Please pray for my boy!  We were up at 5:30 Am to get to the surgery center at 6:30am.  He needed to get tubes in his ears and his adenoids removed.

Mommy, Rocco, and Maximus taken just before surgery
The past year past year we have been dealing with a lot of sickness.  I couldn't understand why when we eat and live so organically, we keep getting sick!  I had horrible horrible allergies last year.  My sons were so sick.  I googled "my house is killing me," because literally I felt like it was.  I thought maybe I was allergic to my cat, maybe there was mold somewhere.  I tried every natural remedy out there... bee pollen, raw honey, essential oils, homeopathy, Chinese medicine.  I finally had to resort to claratin, and then when that stopped working, steroids.  The steroids were only a temporary solution to give my body a break and it was the best I felt in months.

I threatened my husband that I was going to move in to a hotel if it didn't get fixed.  I was desperate. Maximus had a constant little cough and would cough when he ran so we thought it was asthma, Rocco had allergies so bad, he was getting ear infections (my ear infection remedy works wonders and we have avoided antibiotics!) and his tonsils were touching in the back.  His nose was completely blocked.  He was snoring during sleep and couldn't breath out of his nose during the day.  One morning, during the worst of it, he came into my bed and fell back asleep next to me and I literally heard him stop breathing!  Sleep apnea at three and four years old, is never okay!  My husband was the only one totally healthy.

We all got allergy tested and I found out all three of us were allergic to dust mites.  I encased our mattresses, got allergy proof bedding and pillows, etc.  Going forward, I also had our air ducts in our home inspected.  We found out our air ducts were recalled in '98 and had holes in them, sucking attic air in and throughout our home. We installed all new air ducts AND an air scrubber.  It removes 99% of allergens in the home.  Maximus is now completely inhaler free and that little cough is gone (Praise Jesus!)!  Rocco was getting better too, but there were things that still needed to be addressed.

Since seeing an allergist, he caught something that I wasn't not aware of!  Rocco's ears were completely backed up with fluid.  He said having that much fluid in the ear has got to effect his hearing!  A light bulb went off for me!  Rocco does say, "I can't hear it! I can't hear it," about the TV, when I can hear it just fine!  Poor boy!  He sent me to an ENT (Ear nose throat dr.).

I was praying that by some miracle his ears would drain by the time we got there, but no such luck.  The doctor noticed that his adenoids were so swollen and blocking his nose too! Another light bulb!  That was why he couldn't blow out of his nose, was snoring, and not sleeping well.  I researched for days about this surgery, because this was worst case scenario.  There was a chance if we didn't do the adenoids with the ear tubes, we would need to go back again and do them.  I do feel that they were shrinking.  I had him close his mouth, breath in and out of each nostril and he could do it.  But then the other night he was still snoring.

Adenoids are like tonsils, they can cause more harm then good, and sadly for my boy they were doing just that.  The doctor said they were working over time, and thus, making him sick.  I read countless positive stories of, "this was the best thing I every did for my child,"  to "my child hasn't needed antibiotics in years since the surgery."  To me this was the best news!

Surgery is surgery.  It is scary!  And as much as I truly try to avoid western medicine and especially surgery, it does have its place.

Now, he is napping, and hopefully healing nicely.  We are praying for a speedy recovery and health!
Rocco post surgery.  He was shockingly smiling here, but it was really rough when he was waking up.  He was coughing , crying and disorientated.

At home resting today. Cuddling is the best medicine of all!


Saturday, April 2, 2016

Day four of Lupron done!

IVF #3 is underway!  I received my box of meds (and it is STILL overwhelming seeing it all).  I took my last BCP two days ago and I'm on day four of Lupron.  I was feeling extremely exhausted and then I realized it was from the Claratin.  Dr. A had me start the antihistamine protocol again, but for how tired I was, I just had to stop!  I found THIS BLOG POST and I'm going to follow the protocol she gives from CCRM.  It is basically what my RE suggests, but starting it just before transfer...

The Claratin/pepcid protocol:
starting two days before transfer
5 mg prednisone twice a day (prescription steroid)
10 mg Claritin once a day
20 mg Pepcid in morning and at night


I have my prednisone prescription ready too!  

So, as for Egg Quality (and overall health), here is what I'm taking, 600 mg CoEnzymeQ10, Myo-Inositol, Vitamin D 5000iu, Garden of Life Raw Prenatals, Methyl-Folate, Prenatal DHA, baby asprin, Amazing Grass Green Superfood, and Vitamin C!  I was taking DHEA, but my face now looks like a 16 year old girl... totally broken out!  I quit that immediately!

One week from today I start my stims!  We are SOOOOO ready!  :)




Wednesday, March 23, 2016

Hear Their Prayer!

I just got off the phone with Dr. A, my receptivity uterine biopsy report came in!  Low and behold, my uterus is receptive on day six!  Even though we do not know if it is also receptive on day five, we are planning on a day six transfer!  I did get pregnant with my sons on a day six transfer so this may be our missing link!  Dr. Amin said she was VERY HOPEFUL for our up coming cycle!  I think I am too!

However, yesterday I had some mixed emotions.  C and I stayed up the night before dreaming about trips we want to take in the future... Greek Islands... Cinque Terre... etc.  The following morning he comes down and says, "lets not do this cycle, lets just go travel!  We can take off to Europe for Fourth of July!" I just looked at him with a sad face.

I went up stairs and started asking God, "Should we just stop trying, Lord?"  I began to think about how easy it would be and is getting to travel with our boys.  Having more children would definitely make it so much harder to go around the world. I continued to pray for clarity.

I got my answer to prayer at the doctors office.  I had to go get my infectious disease test redone because mine had expired.  I had my twins with me and Maximus asked, "Mommy why do we always go to this doctor."  I just had to explain... I mean how much you can explain to four year olds. I replied, "well, some people have babies very easily and Mommy and Daddy need a little extra help from doctors."  I went on, "You know Daddy really wants to go travel the world, we can do that, or we can try for a baby one more time.  What do you think?"  Rocco replied, "Mommy, lets just try for a baby one more time and if God doesn't give us one, then we can go travel." Maximus quickly added, "Ya mommy, I want my twin sisters, then we can go to Paris!" If that isn't an answer to prayer I don't know what is!?  This is faith of a child(ren).

I texted Chris with what had transpired.  He is in.  We are now doing this last cycle for them, yes for us, but for them who desperately want a baby or two.  Please God hear their prayer!


Monday, March 21, 2016

The Joy of the Lord is My Strength!

I read this during my quiet time with the Lord and had to share!


"This is the sacred day before the Lord. Don't be dejected and sad, for the joy of the Lord is your strength!" Nehemiah 8:10

What a great reminder! I had just got done asking God 'why' we are going through this trial, of loss (two miscarriages and still no baby), and heartbreak, and he reminded me that the 'why' wasn't important. Going through this I am still able to have so much Joy, hope and strength, for the Joy of the Lord of MY strength! What matters more than the 'why' of heartbreak, is that we put our hope and trust in the Lord through these trials! 

Each and everyone of us have our own struggles and trials in this life, but we can still have JOY and he will give us HIS strength to get through it! 


If you are going through something, like IF, I pray you put your hope and trust in the Lord, because he can make the broken pieces in our life beautiful!


UPDATES:
I'm on my second week of BCP's, still waiting for my biopsy report, which should be here any day.  Meds are ordered and I can't believe I will be starting Lupron at the end of the week for IVF #3!  This is getting real!

Tuesday, March 8, 2016

Moving Forward!!!

What wrench I was thrown! I was not planning on our 5aa not making the thaw, and I was not planning Having  feelings of trying again! Yup! We are doing one last IVF because we never even got a chance with this cycle! I can't believe it but I feel excited again! I guess I was so down about our 5aa was because that cycle totally did NOT go as planned! We didn't even get a chance!

Dr Amin wanted to talk to Dr R, my Original RE about The new plan prior to us beginning. I received a call from her this morning and Dr R wanted me to do a mock transfer with a biopsy next month to see what day my uterus is most receptive to transfer an embryo. All these transfers have been on day 6 of progesterone, when I got pregnant with the boys, they were transferred on day 7 of progesterone because they were rescue ICSI'd. They think possibly my uterus is more receptive after 7 days!

My heart sank because that would just push out this process even more! I would have to a 'pretend' fet, do the patches, and Shots to biopsy on day 6. Well I told her that is just too much! So she had me give myself a shot and come in today since today would be the day I transferred with the boys!

What a relief!! I gave myself another P4 shot (I have been doing them in the morning so I didn't miss a day), took some ibuprofen and went in for the biopsy. Not bad at all! A little cramps for a min and it was done! Phew! Not I should start my period this week some time, then the bcps!

We will be doing long lupron, but with a much lower dose of stims, and adding Human Growth Hormone when the follies get to 14mm to help with egg quality. Also, I'm going back to start taking some supplements from the list my RE gave me for egg quality.  Apparently less is more so we will be shooting for less eggs yet better quality.  I think that must be what the issue was, a bad batch of eggs. Dr. Amin mentioned that I have a TON of eggs but with so many the quality goes down.

I will get the results of my biopsy in two weeks, but we'll start the BCP's right away!

Also, we plan to do a fresh transfer of TWO embryos and PGS the rest, given we have some good one!

I have to say, I'm excited again!  Yesterday I wasn't even sad really, it was more of a relief!  I was so relieved that we didn't have to go through the 2ww torture, which I feel is the WORST part of the whole process!  It is so emotional and you get attached to what ever is put in you, hoping it's THE ONE(S)!

I was SO sure this last transfer was going to be it, but I didn't even get a chance to try ONE MORE TIME.  So this WILL be it folks!  Our official LAST IVF!  I know you are probably tired of me saying that! ;-)


Monday, March 7, 2016

Bad news

Our embryo didn't make the thaw. I have mixed emotions. Relieved that we didn't transfer it and have to go through the 2ww and it also makes me want to try one last time since we didn't get a shot at this one! Ugh!!!! IF SUCKS! I am meeting with my RE at 2pm! Stay tuned!!

Sunday, March 6, 2016

Anxiously waiting...

Tomorrow is finally here! I feel so different this time.  I don't have the excitement and Joy and hope I once had.  Tomorrow feels more like closure to this crazy TTC train I've been on.  All my hopes and dreams of growing our family end tomorrow.  Tomorrow feels like this is going to be it... one way or another.

I wrote a Thank You note to our embryologist with a picture of our miracle rescue ICSI, the ones she saved, and helped make!  The note said something like this...

Dear Kristine, 
I wanted to thank you again for helping give us 
our best gift we have ever received, 
our miracle twin boys, 
Rocco and Maximus Fenoglio.
This is likely our last transfer in attempting to expand our family and I wanted 
to thank you so much for the work you do.  
We are forever grateful to you!
We are praying that the Lord blesses you and your family
beyond measure.

Love The F______ Family, 
Chris, Sara, Rocco and Maximus

I added this picture of my twins...


I had tears in my eyes when I wrote that note.  Looking back on our journey has been so powerful, and humbling.  I am so beyond grateful for my twins.  I cannot imagine my life without them.  They have filled my life with so much joy, so much life.

So yes, We have our 5AA, that we are SO praying makes a baby.  I have placed this embryo into the hands of Our Father.  May His will be done.  I now have so much peace, either way, that our family will be complete. God is so SO good.

"Be strong and courageous!  Don't be afraid or discouraged... 
For there is a power far greater on our side! ... 
We have the LORD our God to help us and to fight our battles for us!" 
2 Chronicles 32:7-8

AMEN!

Wednesday, March 2, 2016

A wish upon a puff...


We all know what you do when you blow on a dandelion puff... make a wish!  My boys love to blow these and make wishes.  I've taught them however, that thesewishes are like prayers to heaven, so that they always know who is listening.  A few days ago, Rocco wished upon a puff and said, "I wish for a baby in Mommy's tummy,"  I really pray these little "prayer wishes" make it to heaven and get answered!  It made me tear up a little when he said that so I wanted to document it here!  :)

Transfer is scheduled!!

Eeeek!  I'm excited... anxiously excited for MONDAY!  Yup!  That is just around the corner and will be here before we know it!

Lining was 11.8 today, nice and thick, and actually the thickest ever!  So I am [getting] super hopeful for this little guy or girl.  I gave myself my first shot in the bum today and I must have hit a sweet spot because I am already sore, super sore and it has a welt! Not fun but I'm praying this will be worth it this time.

I know God has a plan, I know he CAN do this, I am just praying he WILL.

Because of everything going on with this FET, we decided it would be best if I stayed home with the boys this year and not join my husband in Hawaii! C makes president club for his company every year and we have been so blessed to have take the boys the last four years!  The weather is not always great, last year was cold and rainy actually, so I hope I am not missing too much.

However, since C is gone for the next four days, I decided to hit San Diego with my boys, just us three.  We just checked into this BEAUTIFUL Spanish style hotel in La Jolla.  We are going to the Zoo tomorrow, and other than that I just want to rest!  I'm super exhausted, dizzy, and headachy from all the meds.

I just changed my E2 patches yesterday (still on 6), but  they are lowering it to four patches again friday (praise Jesus!), because I just don't feel well.  Dr. Amin thinks it has to do with the claritin, but I don't think so.  I felt fine until I started the patches!

I will leave you with a pic of my surfer boys I just took down in the lobby!  :)  Prayers appreciated that I will feel better AND for a major miracle!!!!  Thank you all!


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