Friday, May 26, 2017

For this Child we have prayed...

I'm six weeks six days today, tomorrow SEVEN WEEKS!  I have not been able to say that since I was pregnant with my twins!  God is so good!

Monday was our ultrasound, to say that I was nervous, would be an understatement.  After so much loss, its like I'm just waiting for bad news.  But, its a miracle...

As of Monday, I was 6 weeks and 2 days and our little peanut was measuring 6 weeks 1 day and had a beautiful heartbeat of 113! I was in tears. After 2 1/2 years ttc #3, two IVF's, seven transfers, four miscarriages, so many tears, begging and pleading with God, and finally surrendering to His perfect will, even if that didn't include any more children, he blessed us.

Each day is such a blessing, and I really beginning to believe this WILL BE OUR RAINBOW baby! My pregnancy symptoms are getting stronger.  Today I was very nauseated until I ate something and may appetite is really off... or Im starving.  My stomach bloat is out of control... and I only have one baby!  I haven't gained any weight yet, I fluctuate between 136 or 137.  This is shocking to me since I'm on STEROIDS of all things.

We go back at 8 weeks for ultrasound  # 2.  I honestly thought I would be having more, like I did with the twins, but I don't want them.  They are a source of major anxiety.  Although, I continue to do my best to cast all my anxieties over to the Lord.... I know this little one is in his hands!

Wednesday, May 17, 2017

Still pregnant... 5 weeks 4 days!

It is a miracle really.  I can't believe I'm sitting here, sore boobs, growing swollen belly (all baby bloat!) that doesn't go down, hungry as ever with cravings... still pregnant.

This coming Monday is our first ultrasound.  I would be lying if I didn't say I wasn't terrified, because I am.  Although all my symptoms do give me comfort, the 'what if's' do pop in my head now and again.

I am still telling myself what I felt like God was saying to me... Trust me anyway!  I think that is going to be my motto for the entire pregnancy, God willing we make it!

Since my last BETA, I ran out of tests.  And I haven't picked up anymore.  I thought for sure I would still be testing, but I do rest in how i'm feeling.

Starting around four weeks and a day, my appetite began to increase a bit and I started craving more red meat.  Since I'm allergic to eggs (miracle in my health and why I think I'm still pregnant!), I've been eating meat for breakfast!  Sweet foods are just not filling me up!  No more protein shakes and greens, yuck!  Here is my breakfast today...
Meatballs, marinara and a side of pickled spicy vegetables!

Mothers day we drove up to Santa Barbara for a mini vacation.  C had to work, but the boys and I tagged along.  It was beautiful!  We had a great time.  


SB is like foodie heaven!  There are so many great organic/gluten free restaurants to choose from.  These pics are on the pier and we went to the little aquarium.  Its super cute... almost as cute as my boys!  (Maximus on left, Rocco on right)

The crazy thing about being on prednisone, is that it is supposed to mask morning sickness and fatigue.  I do get a little tired at times, but honestly I am doing pretty good!  I was also waiting to gain a ton of weight, and I've LOST weight (now maintaining).  Everywhere I read is that you get "moon face" from it.  So far so good in that dept.

I made a "FAITH PURCHASE" I couldn't help myself! We walked into the cutest toy/baby store down town. I thought "what the heck.." I am buying this in faith, believing this is going to be our take home rainbow baby. And, I just received my lab reports from my immunologist. Everything is looking GREAT, and he only wants me doing one day of IVIG this month! Praise God! (Before transfer I did 2 days back to back.) and that will save us 2k! 

I have hope! And BTW, my kids know. We talk about everything. They know about my losses. I am very open with them (on their level of course). But Maximus said today, "Mommy, God told me you are having a boy and this baby isn't going to die." I never told them the gender. Oohhhh Lord, I pray this is our Rainbow πŸŒˆ
Organic 

I went and did my one day of IVIG today... $2,200 later :(  But, anything for my growing bun!  Its working so of course
we have to!

I will leave you with a belly shot... its not pretty!  This is a heparin tummy...

I already have a pooch! Although not sure if you can tell here!

I took this one at five weeks exactly...



Please continue to pray for us.  I'm praying every time I think of it, Lord, please protect this little life <3 p="">

Friday, May 12, 2017

Blood is drawn!



Its been three days since my last beta.  Not sure why they do it every three days instead of two.  Its so much easier to calculate two, I think.  But, I'm so nervous!  Anxiously waiting the result.

I'm homeschooling Rocco and Maximus this year, but they have been going to a homeschool campus and taking classes.  Let me tell you, trying to teach twins is no easy feat.  However, this year has been such a blessing in growth and direction for all of us.  I really felt that God led us down the road to homeschooling.  However, next year, they are going to be at a local Christian school, I am SOOO excited about!  It is an amazing school, Christ centered.

I decided to finish up May just homeschooling at home, no more classes.  So to pass the time of the BETA results, we had a beautiful day at the nature center in Newport Beach.  Its 1:52 here, and I feel like I should be getting a call any minute!

Here are a few pics from our day...




And last but not least... MORE POAS... ;-)

Beta #1 @ 12 dpt = 291
Beta #2 @ 15 dpt = ???


BETA #2 is... 997!!!!!

I was shooting for 900, so I will take it!  Looks like our little bean is growing right on track!  The bad news is that my Progesterone was only 8.2, so I'm now going to be adding nightly PIO, but anything for this little miracle!  Praise Jesus!

Tuesday, May 9, 2017

BETA DAY

Sorry I haven't updated.  It has not been the smoothest 2WW.

 The morning of transfer, I woke up at about 5 am.  I wanted to go have my quiet time.  Today was a big day, and C and I decided it was likely going to be the last time we are going to do this regardless of the outcome (although we have said that many times).  But for some reason, this time it felt more real.  I sat down with my bible and devotion and opened to todays devotional and the heading was TRUST ME ANYWAY.  It was the perfect thing for me to read that morning and honestly the only way I could get through this 2ww.  I'm just going to share my instagram post I wrote that morning...


"I took this picture a few months ago on my way to a hair appointment. The sunset was just so gorgeous that I literally had to pull over the car to capture it. I thanked God for making such a beautiful sunset. Sometimes it seems like they happen at the perfect time, like they were painting just for... me! Do you ever feel that way?

In my quiet time this morning, I was reading in a devotional I actually bought for my kiddos. It brought tears to my eyes. The heading was "Trust Me Anyway" it was like he was speaking directly to me! 

And then the verse... "I told you these things so that you can have peace in me. In this world you will have trouble. But be brave! I have defeated the world!" John 16:33

God doesn't promise us a problem free life, but he does promise to be with us through the storms. One thing is for certain, when my faith was tested through this journey and our four miscarriages, He NEVER let me go, even when I wanted to. He hung on to me when my faith hung on by a thread. Now, even through SO much heartache, I can stand firm in his love for me. I may never understand the why we had to go through this trial, but Lord, I do trust you anyway."

Transfer went smoothly.  Everything happened as it should.  Usually, I am a nervous wreck, anxiety is at a all time high, but this time was different.  I was calm, relaxed even.  I usually want to go strait home on bedrest, but this time, C and I went out to lunch!  We stopped by a new little restaurant called Eat Chow.  And because everyone always eat Mc Donald's Fries afterward (I just can't do that knowing how many chemicals are in their food!), we ordered some truffle garlic fries instead! OMGosh SO delish!


Then, I went home on bedrest.

Dr. P requires strict bedrest is required for three days (I only did two days with my twins).  The next morning, however, I woke up with a UTI of all things.  I tried to get someone to call in a prescription for me, but no one would.  First I was sent to my labcorp, but they couldn't test with a dip stick, only culture. So, Finally I ended up in urgent care, got my usual macrobid, and went back home.  I was terrified to take an antibiotic thinking it would kill the embryo, but I also didn't want a kidney infection.  I had to remind myself of what I felt God was telling me, "Trust me anyway!"

It cleared up right away, but on the second day, I ended up with a rash all over my abdomen.  It was the macrobid!  I have taken it many times before but now i'm allergic! Great!  My body is attacking the embryo!  TRUST ME ANYWAY!  I stopped the Macrobid after the second day, the third day, the rash was all over my face! Oh this is terrible, I am sure this cycle is a BUST.  TRUST ME ANYWAY!

Pray. Wait. Trust.

Dr's wanted me to take a STRONGER antibiotic Cipro, but since I wasn't having any more UTI symptoms, I decided not to take it.  I picked up a natural alternative called D-Mannose.  I started taking that every three hours when I stopped the macrobid.  Apparently it worked!

My symptoms started 3dp6dt:  Major bloat, sore boobs on the sides, heaviness  and pulling in uterus. I feel like as soon as implantation happens, I get this pooch!  It has progressively gotten bigger and bigger all week!

4dp6dt, I got a squinter on a FRER.  I mean it was like a barely there, am I seeing things squinter
5dp6dt, I was still questioning it. So I went and got these walmart cheapie tests...

6dp6dt, I wrote, "Symptoms: HOT all night, pulling and heaviness in the uterus, peed twice last night.  

Its all been the same, just increasing symptoms, peeing on sticks like a crazy lady!  Starting at 4 weeks and 1 day, I noticed an increase in my appetite.  I had vegan french toast for breakfast and then i was STARVING after church and all I wanted was a hamburger!  We went to the habit and i had a lettuce wrap double double!  I hadn't eaten there since I was pregnant with my boys. The last two mornings I've eating homemade meatballs and marinara for breakfast.  



The weirdest part is, I thought I would be ballooning up from the prednisone I'm on. Nope!  I've lost seven pounds!  I'm down to 135 as of this morning, and that is with me having a giant bloated tummy!  I think my body likes prednisone.  I was terrified of getting moon face.  But I'm losing weight!

I woke up this morning and took this test, 12dp6dt, which apparently is the same as 12dp5dt.  I just did that receptivity test to confirm my Uterus is receptive day six (like when i had my boys).

Best test yet, and you know I'm going to keep on testing!  I can't wait til Friday!  They just keep getting better.  Blood is drawn!  We also did our repeat immune labs... 10 vials of blood, checking my NK cells, antibodies etc. C had to do some too for it too.  I will get a report in a couple days and then I will know what my next dose of IVIG needs to be for next Wednesday!

BETA TEST


OMG... I just got the call!!!!! I'm PREGNANT!!!!!  291 is the number!  Thank you JESUS!  I wish it was like the first time all over again.  Crying, tears of joy!  Unfortunately, that joy has been robbed from me.  I am SO happy we have a GREAT number, we have such a LONG road ahead.  My next beta is Friday... three days away!  Please Lord, protect this life.  Give us this baby we have desperately prayed for. Your will your way is always the right ways Lord, but please give us your favor once more.  We love you Lord.  You are the author and creator of life.  Your name is who we praise.  Your name and your name alone will be the one I praise for all of my days.  To you be the glory Lord, of this precious life. Amen.


See that bump!  It was flat as a board, but now I have a pooch! Praise Jesus! (bruises from heparin!)

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Tomorrow...

All has been well.  I've been feeling good, staying busy, loving my boys and my family.  But then yesterday I was a wreck.  I got on google for good reason, looking for success stories of this DQ Alpha Match and what I found did not give me hope at all.  Most if not all the stories the people ended up using a surrogate in the end.  That is just not going to be in the cards for us.

I was emotional. crying.  my DH not being supporting said, "I never wanted to do any of this."  Just made it worse because then I felt so alone.  He is supposed to be me team mate.  In the end he appologized saying he just doesn't like to see me do all these shots etc.  I get it. I don't like it either.  I truly did believe God would bless our family, we have so much love to give.

We have been back and forth on transferring our last two and throwing in the towel and "calling it a day," to "no if we want a healthy baby, the best thing for everyone (me and the embryo) is to just put one in."  That is also what my RI recommended.  Because we have this DQ match, it could cause my immune system to elevate the NK cells and kill the baby :(  One is less stress.

Last week I did back to back infusions with my mom being my nurse at home.  It was a little stressful because one I had the boys home with me and two she had to learn how to use this IV pump.  It was different than the one at her hospital.  She is a labor and delivery nurse.  Once we got going it was fine.  I'm still on 10 mg prednisone, doing twice daily heparin. Tomorrow is T Day.  Fingers and toes crossed.

My montra for this cycle is THY WILL BE DONE.  I cannot imagine if this doesn't work, going through it again.  One day at a time.  I can't even look past tomorrow.  I can't pray for a baby.  I just want Gods will. However, once that life is in me... how can I not pray for its life?

The day after transfer, I'm going to up the prednisone to 30 mg.  So scared of moon face.  But if this works... I'll take it.

Monday, February 6, 2017

The plan... Immune protocol

Sorry for the delay! Lots to process!!!

One thing is for sure... Jesus is my Rock and that's how I roll! πŸŽΈπŸ˜‚πŸ™ŒπŸ» He has been my rock and my refuge through each cycle, through each miscarriage. He has lifted me out of the pit and helped me find joy and peace... even through so much heartache. He has brought me to a place of surrender, even though he has asked me to complete the journey with our two remaining embryos. What does this surrender mean to me? I am finally okay with NOT having any more children. I'm okay if God gives us more too. I just want what God wants for me.

So, it looks like I still have some autoimmune issues! It also looks like DH and I also have a DQ match (a same gene). Which means my bodies attacks our embryos thinking they are a foreign invader.

When I first found out our protocol, I was fearful. My body is FINALLY feeling amazing and I'm scared to start taking a bunch of meds again. So here is my protocol...
1. Start 5 mg prednisone 2x a day 4 weeks before transfer. After transfer up to 30mg, 15mg twice a day til week 20 in pregnancy. Then ween off.
2. IVIG 7-10 days. Two days back to back, then once a month through out pregnancy.
3. Heparin and baby aspirin to prevent clotting throughout pregnancy.

It's a lot. I've thought about it all. DH and I both agree we can only do this once. It's risky! My health is at stake! the good thing is the the RI will follow me until delivery, if we are successful.
So, now we wait for CD 1! protocol is set. I'm ready!

Wednesday, February 1, 2017

Dandelion Puffs... immunologist update!

I don't make wishes anymore... I tell my boys when you blow on these they are like little prayers to heaven!  I started thinking about those yesterday on my run. In this, my infertility, my desire for a baby to complete our family, is no longer my prayer, no more blowing on dandelion puffs, I laid it down at the cross. My hearts greatest desire, my empty, hungry womb, it's out of my hands. I've surrendered to His plan, His desire for our family... thy will be done Lord.

FOUR MORE HOURS until our follow up  appointment with our Reproductive Immunologist. i was feeling very anxious about it. Knowing why our babies keep dying. I realized it's bc we will have yet ANOTHER diagnosis. It's hard having so many. It hurts knowing how broken your body is. But God is the great physicians. He is the miracle worker... and thy will be done. πŸ™πŸ»


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