Monday, June 29, 2015

5dp5dt... FET #2

Well, I woke up today thinking all hope was lost.  Bloating gone, bb's NOT sore at all, and I felt completely back to normal... besides a serious cold I have!

I'm coughing, sneezing and blowing my nose like crazy, and I can't take a thing!  For now, loading up on fresh ginger and lemon tea with raw honey.  Drinking all day to hopefully kick this nasty bug.

I ended up loading the twins up in my burley bike trailer and towed them with my neighbor friend C (I have a lot of C's in my life as of late!) and her kids to a local park close by.  We had a nice time catching up, Oliver got to do his favorite activity, chase squirrels, they are everywhere down there, and we went on a little "adventure" through the "woods."  The park is right next to the wetlands and is surrounded by trees and bushes and the boys like to hunt for lions, tigers and bears!  It is definitely a favorite activity.

I noticed down at the park that my stomach started feeling a little bloated again and my right nipple keeps having sharp pains in it.  I tried just blowing it off.

Once home, the boys ate lunch, and are now taking a nap.  I am extremely bloated as I sit here and I'm still having that nipple pain on and off (but no sore bbs).  I am also exhausted and might just take a nap too!  The tiredness might just be from my cold or progesterone... or is it maybe a baby? Hmmmmm...  It is funny how as soon as I was SURE our little 3AB didn't take, I am now starting to question!

Sunday, June 28, 2015

Holy Cramps! 3dp5dt - 4dp5dt FET#2

All week I was looking forward to spending Saturday with one of my BFF's.  We planned a girls day, breakfast at our favorite little organic restaurant, Green Leaf, then popping over to the Fermentation Farm for some Kombucha tasting, and then to the Hyatt for a day at the spa.  I figured a day of R&R would be perfect for my little 3AB to settle in nicely.  At 3dp5dt or 8dpo is when implantation usually occurs.  Unfortunately, our nice day didn't turn out so nice for me.

I woke up feeling fine, besides a little stuffy/runny nose, got ready, kissed the kids and C goodbye, and drove off to pick up my friend, C.

(TMI)We were having a nice breakfast, good conversation, decaf coffee (of course!), when I realized I REALLY needed to use the bathroom.  That coffee went right through me!  Once done, we headed off to our next stop, except my tummy wasn't feeling so hot!  I was getting excruciating menstrual cramps.  I thought maybe I had to GO again?!

We made it to the Hyatt, and were walking into the spa and I had to stop and catch my breath because the pain was so bad.  We got to the spa, and I immediately asked to use the bathroom.  I try to go again to no relief.  I really just wanted to go home, but I didn't want to mess up C's day!  Our appointments weren't until later, so we headed to the pool.  I laid in the fetal position on the lounge chair to get relief.  Once I stopped moving I began to feel better.

We checked back into the spa and I thought maybe my massage would help my tummy relax. Boy was I wrong!  It had some nice moments, but by the end I couldn't wait for it to be over!  I was in excruciating pain.  Pain so bad I could barely walk, was dizzy, wanted to throw up and poop all at once.  No joke it felt like labor!  WHAT THE HECK!?

C had to help me get dressed, carry my bag.  It took us 30 min to walk to my car, because I needed to keep stopping.  I was scared.  I almost had her take me to the emergency room!

I spoke to the nurse Barbara at my RE, and she seemed concerned but told me to take some tylenol and rest, so that is what I did.

C drove my car home, I collapsed on my bed, while my hubby C brought me tylenol.  I don't understand what that was?  After falling asleep in the fetal position and not moving an ounce, I did feel better, but not great!  Last night I could still barely stand up right, but I could move around and I didn't feel like I was going to die.

Today, 4dp5dt, I do feel much better.  However my stomach is very distended, and it almost feels like I have OHSS again, painful when walking etc.  I know that is not possible.  None of it makes sense.  My uterus is sore and I'm cramping a lot today.  My BB's are NOT sore at all, however I do have some sharp pains in my nipples from time to time.

We did go to church this morning, and I just put my boys to bed for nap.... Now Mommy can rest! Feet up!  I don't really know what else to do or what went wrong.  What I do know is that if labor feels that bad, I KNOW I will need an epidural! YIKES!

I will leave you with a little IF humor...





hahahaha... HAPPY SUNDAY...  Or Seven more sleeps til BETA!

Friday, June 26, 2015

FET #2 and I'm PUPO! 2dp5dt


Yup!  I added a daily dose of this to my diet!  I started two days BEFORE the transfer because 1) of reading how it helps with implantation and 2) because I ate it when I got knocked up with the twins!

Here is how you are supposed to eat Pineapple core:

  • Start eating pineapple core AFTER ovulation.  
  • Cut up the whole pineapple, cute the core into 5 pieces and eat one piece daily starting the day after O/IUI/IVF transfer
  • If you don't have fresh core, eat one cup of pineapple meat a day after O.
  • Canned pineapple has been heated, therefore the Bromelian has been destroyed.  
  • Continue eating until you receive a positive pregnancy test 
I have two pineapples cut up and in my refrigerator, core separated... hoping this helps for a good implantation this go around! :)

Transfer day was a breeze!  I woke up bright and early, showered, got myself and the kids ready.  My appointment was scheduled for 11am and I needed to be there at 10:45.  Knowing I was going to take this a bit more serious this time, meaning 48 hours of bedrest, I needed to do some grocery shopping and have everything ready for Mommy to be out of commission! No pressure ;-)

I am very proud of myself, however, because I did get everything done!  I think we were the first ones in the grocery store that morning.

I had my friend, L, helping me with my kids those two days. After dropping the groceries off at home, I had her and the boys drop me off at the RE's.  C met me there, since it is right by his office.  I popped the Valium in perfect timing because I was nice and relaxed for the transfer!

We transferred our ONE 5 day 3AB, no collapsing this time around and the embryologist said it looked good! After getting all strapped in and all cleaned out she did the transfer and I honestly didn't even feel a thing, and I even missed the flash on the screen (I think because I was looped up!) and my uterus was nice and relaxed.  Sadly, we didn't get an ultrasound this time either!  I would have asked, but I was seriously out of it!  However Dr. C was very pleased with how everything went and so am I!

After they left the room, C laid his hands on my tummy and prayed over our 3AB. First, of course, praying for God's will for us, and for 3AB to nestle in nicely.  It was beautiful.  We are both hopeful and cautiously optimistic.  

After 10 minutes we walked out of there, paid a BIG bill, and picked up lunch.  I fell asleep from the time C went in to get food and come out! We went strait home I went into bed ate my giant salad and crashed.  The good news about valium is you are really able to relax.  after waking up a few hours later, I just laid on the couch while the kids and I watch a movie.  C came home early and made us some dinner.

Last March, I came home from FET and was very anxious and obsessed over every little thing!  I really did feel something different in there, however!  This time, I literally feel nothing! Nada! 

I will track my "symptoms" or lack there of...

1dp5dt- sore BB's (totally from P4), fatigue (left over from valium and p4), nothing else!  Maybe some cramps on and off, but really nothing to right home over! On bedrest.

2dp5dt- I woke up in good spirits since I am now off bedrest!  I feel back to normal.  My boobs are barely sore, if at all.  Pushing on them now and nothing.  I am a bit tired, but that can be from p4 of course and not having any coffee.  No caffeine since day before transfer and it was barely any!  I slowly added decaf  while decreasing my regular coffee, so I didn't get a headache.  It worked!

What I am going to do different this go around?  Be a good patient.  Take it easy.  No working out until heart beat.  Walking YES! No Sex until heart beat.  I pushed myself a bit last time and I would have bleeding after barre class.  Do I think that is what caused it to fail? No.  However, I want to give 3AB a good shot!  :)

Praying for our 3AB!!!



Saturday, June 20, 2015

The Break Was Nice... FET#2 is on its way!

I haven't blogged because it has been pretty boring over here in the IF dept until now!

After my MC, we took time to grieve, but honestly, I'm A-OKAY!  It definitely wasn't fun, nor did I EVER expect to go through something like that, especially since we had such a great first IVF (almost complete failure, but ended up with miracle twins!).

This past cycle post MC was a L-O-N-G  55 days!  I assumed it would be, since I was coming down off hormones, and since I was pregnant.  Finally I started.  It was torture waiting around.

I started AF, started my patches, went in for my day 3 blood work and my estrogen levels were a bit lower to start off (aka hormonal mess!), so they had to up my estrogen patches (vivelle dots) to SIX!  My stomach is covered in sticky residue and six lovely patches, changing every three days.

I had my lining check yesterday and it was 10.6, good to go, so I started my progesterone.  I was back and forth on the whether to do suppositories or the PIO.  I researched and researched, spoke to my RE, and what I found is there really is no difference.  Doctors just like PIO because they can test the blood and get an accurate reading.  The suppositories don't show up in the blood, but the P4 goes directly to the uterus, where its needed.

There are so many ups and downs of both.  Did I want to give myself a shot EVERY NIGHT for the next 10 weeks (God willing!)?  End up with swollen knots on my bum? Hmmmm NO!  Did I want to wear a panty liner for the next 10 weeks and have to shove a suppository three times a day up my hooha and have it leak out constantly? Not swim? Not have good sex? UGH!  I chose the suppository.  The thought of having to give myself a shot in the bum every day, over ruled!  That needle is SCARY!

Good news... Transfer is this coming Wednesday, June 24!!! YAY!!!! We are super pumped!

The plan...  So apparently our last embryo we transferred in March, a 4AA collapsed at first during the thaw and then started expanding again, so they thought it was good and we transferred.  I didn't know this, until I asked yesterday!

So I told them this time, if our 3AB doesn't make it during thaw, we want to transfer the next TWO, both 4AB's, but made it to blast on the sixth day so they really aren't as high as quality at the 3AB.

I also got a prescription for valium to take before transfer to help prevent uterine contractions.  They didn't give it to me in March, so I made sure this time! ;-)

We are just praying for God's will to be done and would of course appreciate your prayers as well!

I also wanted to thank you all for your prayers and support during our loss.  You helped me more than you know! XOXO

Taken post MC! I spent this time reflecting on how blessed we are with these two miracles.   God is good All the time, God is good!


Thursday, April 23, 2015

One or Two?

IF Quote of the Day 
I've already began thinking about what we should do next... one or two?  I know it is going to be here before we know it!  I'm CD 11 today, but I don't plan on having a period for another 30 days :-/

We transferred our top quality embryo (out of 5) which was graded 4AA.  It looked perfect on paper, but it wasn't meant to be.  It just goes to show you that quality does not mean everything!

Here is how the rest are graded...

3AB (day 5)
4AB (day 6)
4AB (day 6)
3 BB (day6)

So, obviously grading does not really matter here.  My "perfect" embryo wasn't so perfect.  

This week I had been feeling horrible, run down, head aches, and exhausted.  I think my body is going in some type of hormonal shift after being on so many synthetic hormones.  I know this is not good for me.  I know I do not want to keep doing this over and over.  It is emotionally and physically taxing.

A few days after my miscarriage, I started taking pregnitude again to hopefully help my hormones and yesterday I started a little vegan cleanse (with lots of green smoothies, raw nuts and seeds, and salads) to detox my body from all these hormones.  I already am feeling better today, thank goodness!


To think about doing this more than one more time is stressing me out.  These hormones are torture.  Honestly, if it were up to me, I would transfer the top two... I just need to convince my husband and my doctor.  For blast transfers they recommend transferring one embryo at a time if you are 35 or under.  

The likely hood that both would take is slim!  But, if we did have twins again, we already have two of everything!  Decisions, decisions.... hmmmm!!!  

FAITH FAITH FAITH... I know I need to have faith and pray seriously about this!  I want to start praying about what embro(s) to put in.  I want to do this right!
I would LOVE your opinions!  What would YOU do?

ICLW:  If you are stopping by for ICLW, thank you! A little background... We were blessed with miracle twin boys via IVF and rescue ICSI after 3 1/2 years of TTC.  We again, haven't prevented pregnancy for the last almost three years with no luck.  We went through IVF again last December and I had to freeze everything because of OHSS.  FET #1 was a BFP, but I miscarried at 6 weeks. Now awaiting FET#2! :)

Monday, April 13, 2015

Having Faith Through Pain... Six Week Miscarriage

I'm doing better than I thought I would, considering.

Friday was rough.  I cried on and off through out the day, but I had to still be a mom which kept me busy, thankfully!  The hardest part was having to tell our friends and family who were so excited for us that we lost this baby.  I know so many people wait to announce their pregnancy's, but you know what, I am so thankful we had such a support of people praying for us, and giving us time to grieve. 

I posted this on my Instagram and my FB page on Saturday morning and I thought I would share it on here.  This was from my daily quiet time I spend with Jesus...


Psalm 23 is always what I turn to when I need reassurance, peace, comfort, strength. I am so thankful for the Lord and what He has done in my life. As a Christian, we are not promised a life without pain, or hurt, but we are promised a savior to comfort us, and guide us through the dark valley's, which we all go through. Sometimes things don't make sense, but I know the Lord is ALWAYS faithful, and ALWAYS good, no matter the circumstances. He never fails, but His plans are right, just, and fair, even when we can't see it. He is ALWAYS with us. I will rest in His green meadows, where I will find peace. Thank you Jesus for being my light in the world of darkness. Amen.


After reading and praying, I felt ready to move on.  Chris and I took the boys on a family run, we ran errands, rested, made dinner and enjoyed a bottle of wine.  It was nice to spend some quality time together as a family.  

Sunday, I was feeling good as well, but when we got to church, I ran into a lady who knew, she hugged me and tears began, again.  Church was so moving.  Worship was awesome, I could praise Jesus and thank Him for what he has given us.  I look forward to meeting that little babe who is now in a better place.  God is good.

(TMI) Right after church I went to the bathroom and there it was, my period. ugh!  Heavy and horrible.  I read that you aren't supposed to use tampons after a miscarriage because your cervix dilates, so I've been wearing pads... Not fun.  It just felt like a regular heavy period, that was until last night.  I woke up clenching the pillow having what felt like contractions about 1 min apart.  I was in the worst pain!  I  had to stand up and was leaning over my bed clenching like I was in labor!  I went to the bathroom and I heard a big plop, looking in the toilette and saw a pretty big clot, of which I am assuming were the remains.  It was terrible.  However, after that, the pains subsided and I went back to sleep.  My period has been very light today, just spotting red.

I am sad about everything but I am now ready to move on and try again!  One more period to go and we'll be back on the saddle!  

In the mean time... working out, eating clean (with the occasional glass of wine!), and my PCOS supplements!

Also, please sign up to follow by email on my other blog!!!  Check out Loving Life Naturally!!! :)


Friday, April 10, 2015

Heart broken

This week, had been going great. I was filled with joy, hope and peace knowing that my belly was getting bigger, my boobs with getting more sore, fatigue was kicking in especially in the evenings and I was really embracing this pregnancy. It came crashing down today.

We went for my 6 week ultrasound and there was no sac. We lost the baby. I had red blood (that stopped quickly each time), last Thursday, Saurday and yesterday after Barre class, dark red blood. It was old blood and I likely passed the sac.

When the doctor couldn't find the sac, he gave us his condolences and gave us some time. We both cried. It is very hard to see my husband with tears. We loved this baby.

I am sad, my heart breaks, but I have comfort knowing the Lord has greater plans for us. I have peace knowing that this was His way of taking care of something not chromosomally right. Jesus needed this baby more than us and we have one little one to welcome us home when the time comes. I'm going to take some time to mourn. This just makes me all the more greatful and thankful for the two miracles I do have. God is [still] good.

Prayers welcomed. God bless.
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