Wednesday, May 4, 2016

7dp6dt Feeling Thankful for Today IVF #3

I am thankful for today. I am thankful that today I feel pregnant, that today, I know one or both of these embabes attached and are growing, and for that I thank God!
Since Monday, my symptoms are getting stronger and stronger! Today 7dp6dt I can feel my bb's getting more sore, my lower stomach is pooching out from bloat and I can't suck it in, I'm exhausted, I feel twinges and crampy off and on, I have waves of nausea (quick moments), I'm getting hungrier and I have a headache. That's a lot!

However, there have been moments today where I'm like, "OH NO, is the bloating gone? My bb's don't hurt anymore?!" I do a self check probably a gazillion times a day.

After having two losses, it is so hard to think past today. I can't. I have to guard my heart. But today I can be so thankful to God for where I am today. Today I know I am pregnant.
Now we are just praying for a high Beta and for them to stick! ❤️πŸ™πŸ» Thank you all for your prayers and words of encouragement! ❤️ you all #ivfsisters
Beta in three more days! πŸ™πŸ»πŸ™πŸ»πŸ™πŸ» All of this gives me hope!

I also got a call from my RE. We have FOUR normals out of TEN! I have mixed emotions! It is really good, but if these take, we are done. I asked NOT to know the genders, but She seemed so excited, I know there are girls in there :( all of this is in Gods hands out of my control. If these take, we will pray about what to do with our other embabies. I am a little sad at the moment honking about them.

Monday, May 2, 2016

I Think I Tested Too Early... 5dp6dt IVF #3

My boy Maximus on the SUP with Mommy!
First of all, Thank you for all of your support!  I so appreciate your prayers and words of encouragement!

After my last poas around 3pm, seeing a BFN, I couldn't take it any more... I put those sticks AWAY! Vowing not to test for at least two days so I can get a better answer.  I went to bed feeling hopeless, 100% sure that this didn't work, devastated, bargaining with God, I am going to bed with new found hope tonight!

How am I feeling 5dp6dt? I think I might have tested too soon!  HELLO BLOAT!!!!!  Oh how I missed you!  Its back... its full on!  I should my stomach to my hubby and he confirmed.  He had just got done commenting how flat my stomach was again two days ago.  My bb's are also getting sore, more so on the sides.

This morning I woke up still feeling helpless. Hopeless.  You should read my prayer journal!  Asking God WHY?  WHY does this keep happening to us?  I was then reading in Psalms and I was given this verse...

Reminded again that my hope and trust is in him... and nothing else!

Today my gf Crystal and I took our kiddos to the nature center in New Port Back Bay.  It was the perfect place to get my mind off of all this!  The had a scavenger hunt for the kids to find things in nature... lady bug, tadpoles, pinecone, bark, a log, butterfly, lizard, etc.  The kids LOVED it!  I found it super healing.

As I was walking around, I kept thinking, am I feeling the bloat coming back?  Are my bb's now sore?  OMGosh they are!  I'm not kidding, my stomach is getting more bloated by the min. AMAZING.

I am keeping those tests away.  I'm going to rest in these symptoms.  Pray they keep getting stronger. Wait for BETA Saturday and PRAY these babes STICK!  Please let them be our take home babies!!!!

Sunday, May 1, 2016

4dp6dt IVF #3

I've been testing since 1dpt hoping to test out the HCG, using this lovely wondfo internet cheepies.  I was getting faint positives until today. Stark feeling white. BFFN!  This sucks! I know this didn't work! Ugh πŸ˜” I know you can say it's just too early, but I've been to this BBQ before. I will test again tomorrow, but those 6aa embryos should have implanted by now! Why does this keep happening to us?! This breaks my heart, more for my sons than for me.

I have no symptoms either! I'm missing my bloating symptom, and my bb's still aren't sore! I was super crampy yesterday, but that is typical.

I will test again tomorrow. I just know my body really well too! If it's really a negative, we have ten beautiful embryos being PGS tested. I just prayed however that God would give us ZERO normals, if he wasn't planning of giving us a take home baby. I just want to be done and move on if his answer is no. 😞 This journey is so painful!
From my quiet time, "then he touched their eyes and said 'because of your faith, it will happen.'" Seriously, my faith is so strong, I 1000% believe he can do this, but why is he not? 😒

Thursday, April 28, 2016

1dp6dt IVF #3

Still on bedrest!  Really trying to take this rest serious!  Thankfully I've had some help with my boys today and my mom stayed all day yesterday and put them down last night.  

So far, I don't feel anything other than some minor twinges and crampy feelings on an off, hoping thats a good sign! My bb's are not sore at all from the progesterone yet.  I was so so bloated from ER, but that is almost gone, and I pray it comes back!  Bloating is my #1 pregnancy sign!

I have a bunch of internet cheepies so a took a test to see if trigger was still there and there was a tinge of a line so I know it is.  We did only did a 5000iu trigger so hopefully it will be gone soon and then I can see those tests get darker!  If we do get a positive, I am going to try really hard NOT to get excited.  I have to guard my heart. After two losses, its hard, it changes you.  We just want to see a heartbeat!  First things first though... burrow in deep little ones! 

Wednesday, April 27, 2016

stick stick stick! IVF #3

Last night (and the last few days), I was filled with anxiety and fear, questioning if we were doing the right thing, attempting to having more babies, and how many to transfer.  I really feel like the devil was at work and I was being spiritually attacked.  I tossed and turned couldn't sleep.  I prayed and prayed for peace and clarity on transferring one or two embryos.  I finally fell asleep when I felt that God answered me.  I was reminded that this whole cycle, I laid at His feet, like I did with the boys.  I let go and let God do his work.  So we decided that we are putting our faith in trust in the creator of life. I realized that no matter what we put in, God has the final say.  We can end up with no baby, one baby or two!  I fell asleep at that thought and felt sure we were doing the right thing.

I ended up having a terrible dream that Dr. A only transferred one and left the other one in the dish and it was going to be destroyed.  I was beyond devastated!  More confirmation we needed to transfer both!
Last night Rocco did the most precious thing at dinner, he prayed the most sincere prayer on his own. He stopped eating and said "we need to pray mommy."  He closed his eyes put his two hands together and said, "Dear Lord, please put two babies in mommy's tummy, one for Maximus and one for me." My heart completely melted.  Lord hear his prayer!

We are finally PUPO!  PUPO With the best two blasts I've ever seen!  A 6AA completely hatched embryo and an almost completely hatched AA embryo (Kristine our embryologist said it was like a 5 1/2 AA)! They were so big they couldn't capture their whole picture! What a blessing! We are so thankful! Thank you for all of your prayers! Now we just need some sticky vibes for these two beauties 😍😍

taken right before transfer, valium kicking in! :)

We had the most stressful  time getting to the transfer!  I was 15 minutes late!  Every light was red going down the freeway, the onramp was closed to the freeway we had to take another detour, horrible LA traffic, more red lights off the freeway. I was a stress case and so thankful for the valium!

Our embabies!  The top on is the 6AA, the bottom is the almost 6AA :))

Tuesday, April 26, 2016

Day FIVE Embryo Update! IVF #3

You guys I'm in tears! After all we have been through years and years of trying, BFN's, two miscarriages, so many hoops, trials, two other IVF's, never once did we get one hatching blast on day five! I'm blown away a by the goodness of God, that he has given us some beautiful embryos....

πŸ‘‰πŸ»SIX hatching blasts
πŸ‘‰πŸ»TWO expanded
πŸ‘‰πŸ»SEVEN early
πŸ‘‰πŸ»FOUR morula's

My twins were and expanded blast and an early blast on day six! So I know the grading does not necessarily mean everything! But I know from this, that we are SO much closer to completing our family! I praise God so much for his faithfulness. He has never left my side.

We are transferring TWO at 10:30 tomorrow! Prayers that the right embryos get put back, and they take!

From Day three...
25 Fertilized
1 stopped dividing
3 aren't six cell yet
21 are 6-8 cells!

Friday, April 22, 2016

Twenty Five!!!! IVF #3

We've got embabies! Praise God!!!! I've really been praying, putting all of this in Gods hands! His will, not mine!

For IVF # 2 we were very concerned about having extra embryos. We had 37 eggs retrieved, but we only ICSI'd seven of them, from that we got five blasts! I was relieved that we only ICSI'd seven! However, my RE made me do a freeze all bc of my high E2 numbers. I had no idea what was going to come of it! I did not know that all we would get was two babies in heaven and three BFN's. It was a year of trials and heartbreak. We were planning on only doing one last IVF. We thought for sure it would have worked bc it did us the first time! IVF #1 we were given a 1% chance of working, but we found out our diagnosis and we were blessed with our twin boys!

This IVF # 3, we never planned on. I do feel the Lord has been leading us this whole time! I have felt his presence, his guidance. I am also very sure this is our last and final try to complete our family, baby or no baby.

Instead of trying to 'control' the outcome of our embryos, I am TRUSTING the Lord, that he knows what he is doing. The creator of life has them in His hands. I have let go and let God do his thing.
As hard as that is to do, I think that has been my biggest lesson during all of our Infertility struggles, letting go of control and TRUSTING in the creator! What a relief for us that we can do that! Let him carry our burdens and do all the work! :) thank you God for these 25 growing embryos! I trust in your great plan for them, and our family! πŸ™πŸ»❤️ now #growgrowgrow
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