BETA DAY

Sorry I haven't updated.  It has not been the smoothest 2WW.

 The morning of transfer, I woke up at about 5 am.  I wanted to go have my quiet time.  Today was a big day, and C and I decided it was likely going to be the last time we are going to do this regardless of the outcome (although we have said that many times).  But for some reason, this time it felt more real.  I sat down with my bible and devotion and opened to todays devotional and the heading was TRUST ME ANYWAY.  It was the perfect thing for me to read that morning and honestly the only way I could get through this 2ww.  I'm just going to share my instagram post I wrote that morning...

"I took this picture a few months ago on my way to a hair appointment. The sunset was just so gorgeous that I literally had to pull over the car to capture it. I thanked God for making such a beautiful sunset. Sometimes it seems like they happen at the perfect time, like they were painting just for... me! Do you ever feel that way?

In my quiet time this morning, I was reading in a devotional I actually bought for my kiddos. It brought tears to my eyes. The heading was "Trust Me Anyway" it was like he was speaking directly to me! 

And then the verse... "I told you these things so that you can have peace in me. In this world you will have trouble. But be brave! I have defeated the world!" John 16:33

God doesn't promise us a problem free life, but he does promise to be with us through the storms. One thing is for certain, when my faith was tested through this journey and our four miscarriages, He NEVER let me go, even when I wanted to. He hung on to me when my faith hung on by a thread. Now, even through SO much heartache, I can stand firm in his love for me. I may never understand the why we had to go through this trial, but Lord, I do trust you anyway."

Transfer went smoothly.  Everything happened as it should.  Usually, I am a nervous wreck, anxiety is at a all time high, but this time was different.  I was calm, relaxed even.  I usually want to go strait home on bedrest, but this time, C and I went out to lunch!  We stopped by a new little restaurant called Eat Chow.  And because everyone always eat Mc Donald's Fries afterward (I just can't do that knowing how many chemicals are in their food!), we ordered some truffle garlic fries instead! OMGosh SO delish!

Then, I went home on bedrest.

Dr. P requires strict bedrest is required for three days (I only did two days with my twins).  The next morning, however, I woke up with a UTI of all things.  I tried to get someone to call in a prescription for me, but no one would.  First I was sent to my labcorp, but they couldn't test with a dip stick, only culture. So, Finally I ended up in urgent care, got my usual macrobid, and went back home.  I was terrified to take an antibiotic thinking it would kill the embryo, but I also didn't want a kidney infection.  I had to remind myself of what I felt God was telling me, "Trust me anyway!"

It cleared up right away, but on the second day, I ended up with a rash all over my abdomen.  It was the macrobid!  I have taken it many times before but now i'm allergic! Great!  My body is attacking the embryo!  TRUST ME ANYWAY!  I stopped the Macrobid after the second day, the third day, the rash was all over my face! Oh this is terrible, I am sure this cycle is a BUST.  TRUST ME ANYWAY!

Pray. Wait. Trust.

Dr's wanted me to take a STRONGER antibiotic Cipro, but since I wasn't having any more UTI symptoms, I decided not to take it.  I picked up a natural alternative called D-Mannose.  I started taking that every three hours when I stopped the macrobid.  Apparently it worked!

My symptoms started 3dp6dt:  Major bloat, sore boobs on the sides, heaviness  and pulling in uterus. I feel like as soon as implantation happens, I get this pooch!  It has progressively gotten bigger and bigger all week!

4dp6dt, I got a squinter on a FRER.  I mean it was like a barely there, am I seeing things squinter

5dp6dt, I was still questioning it. So I went and got these walmart cheapie tests...

6dp6dt, I wrote, "Symptoms: HOT all night, pulling and heaviness in the uterus, peed twice last night.  

Its all been the same, just increasing symptoms, peeing on sticks like a crazy lady!  Starting at 4 weeks and 1 day, I noticed an increase in my appetite.  I had vegan french toast for breakfast and then i was STARVING after church and all I wanted was a hamburger!  We went to the habit and i had a lettuce wrap double double!  I hadn't eaten there since I was pregnant with my boys. The last two mornings I've eating homemade meatballs and marinara for breakfast.  

The weirdest part is, I thought I would be ballooning up from the prednisone I'm on. Nope!  I've lost seven pounds!  I'm down to 135 as of this morning, and that is with me having a giant bloated tummy!  I think my body likes prednisone.  I was terrified of getting moon face.  But I'm losing weight!

I woke up this morning and took this test, 12dp6dt, which apparently is the same as 12dp5dt.  I just did that receptivity test to confirm my Uterus is receptive day six (like when i had my boys).

Best test yet, and you know I'm going to keep on testing!  I can't wait til Friday!  They just keep getting better.  Blood is drawn!  We also did our repeat immune labs... 10 vials of blood, checking my NK cells, antibodies etc. C had to do some too for it too.  I will get a report in a couple days and then I will know what my next dose of IVIG needs to be for next Wednesday!

BETA TEST

OMG... I just got the call!!!!! I'm PREGNANT!!!!!  291 is the number!  Thank you JESUS!  I wish it was like the first time all over again.  Crying, tears of joy!  Unfortunately, that joy has been robbed from me.  I am SO happy we have a GREAT number, we have such a LONG road ahead.  My next beta is Friday... three days away!  Please Lord, protect this life.  Give us this baby we have desperately prayed for. Your will your way is always the right ways Lord, but please give us your favor once more.  We love you Lord.  You are the author and creator of life.  Your name is who we praise.  Your name and your name alone will be the one I praise for all of my days.  To you be the glory Lord, of this precious life. Amen.

See that bump!  It was flat as a board, but now I have a pooch! Praise Jesus! (bruises from heparin!)

The results are in!!! Beta 11dp5dt FET#4

I've been pacing around all morning on pins and needles. We finally left to do some shopping. I told C that. He had to stay with me in case they called, but of course he was across the entire store when my phone rang! Eeeek!! To be honest with you all, I'm really surprised by the number, meaning I thought (and was hoping!) it would be higher! However, it is a solid #. With my twins my first Beta at 10dpt was 167, with my March pregnancy my first beta 10dpt was 33, and this beta 11dpt 126!!!!! God is so good! He is totally getting all the glory for this pregnancy! I know it's too early to tell, but I'm thinking singleton! And yes, my heart sinks a tiny bit knowing one may have not made it again.

For now, I will rejoice and be glad.... I'm pregnant!!! Next Beta is Monday!!

Thank you for all your kind messages, good vibes, and prayers! ❤️

9dp5dt FET#4

Where do I even begin? I feel that so much has happened!

So, I left you off at 3dpt, where I was having some doubts or fears on whether of not Assisted Hatching, AH, was done.  After posting my last post, I finally received a call from the embryologist and YES, AH was done!  I was so relieved!  And yes, I clearly know God is bigger than AH and he can do all things, but I also believe he gives us resources and direction, and we must also make an effort to see the miracles in our life.  AH was definitely on my heart and I am so glad is was done.  I slept good that night.

4dpt5dt I had a grand idea so as not to be tempted to POAS, I peed on the one FRER I had upstairs, knowing it would be negative, and just to get it out of the house.  I didn't want to be tempted at 7dpt and see a negative, because then I would want to quit all my meds again.

Well, around 4pm, I POAS.  My bladder was NOT full and I really had to squeeze it out, so to speak. I set it there, knowing I wouldn't see a thing.  Negative... no wait?  I could see something, but I really believed my eyes were playing tricks on me.  So I hid it and said I would look the next day.  The next morning I was waiting [in]patiently for C to get out of bed and make us tea down stairs.  He would not get out of bed!  Finally he did.  I ran over to the test, and could see that something again!  But I still was not 100%.  I though maybe a evap line or something? This was WAY too early to see something right!?

I came clean to C and showed Mr. Skeptical the test.  He said he could see it!!!! WHAT!?!?!  I thought for sure he would say I was crazy!  He said for me to go get another test to see!

I had to pee so I went to the store grabbed a box of FRER's (I'm so weak I know!), went to get my nails done so I went into they bathroom and POAS.  I wrapped it in a paper towel and put it away in my purse.  I sat there waiting.  At 5dp5dt, I got a faint but very clear BFP!!!!!  I was shaking and praising Jesus!!  I felt like I could scream, but I couldn't because I was in the nail salon!  I had to keep peaking at the test to make sure it was real!  I came home and told C, he was cautiously happy of course!

The following day, I excitedly took another test around 11am expecting to see a much darker line.  BAD MOVE.  First it had not even been 24 hours since the previous test and second, it was SO early still.  I gave it a few minutes and my heart sank.  The line looked SO light, like barely there light.  I was devastated.  All my hopes and dreams of growing our family flashed before my eyes, my heart sank.  I thought for sure this was a chemical.

I texted DH that we lost the baby, telling him it was a chemical pregnancy.  I know I should have waited til he got home, but I was devastated.

As the day went on, however, the test kept getting darker and darker, until it was darker than the day before!  I couldn't believe it!  This is why testing early can be very bad.  If my hcg level at 5dpt was 20 for example, it maybe would have been 30 by the next day, so it wouldn't have shown much change.  I texted DH, that I loved him and I vowed to do no more tests, which has held true!  He was relieved to find out the test was darker now too!

Since then, my pregnancy symptoms have been getting stronger and stronger to where I KNOW I am pregnant!YAY!!!  However, I still want to see that BETA number!  I feel like I can't totally rejoice, until after BETA... after what happened for FET #1 (a low Beta of 33).

How am I feeling now at 9dp5dt or should I say 4 weeks pregnant?  Very pregnant!  My stomach is SOOOOO bloated I cannot even button my pants.  I also have kind of a cramping/heavyness feeling and random pains on the sides, like ligament pains.  I have had waves of headaches since 3dpt.  They come and go every few minutes it seems, which is what I had with the boys.  My boobs just started getting sore a day or two ago and are fuller.  I have been super exhausted in the afternoon, but feel great in the morning.

I can't believe I have to wait TWO MORE DAYS until BETA!  It is torture!  This will be the first time, I am actually going to wait until designated BETA day, which will hopefully make it for a happy Halloween!