Sunday, October 2, 2016

Transfer Eve...

Chris and I were just going over what number transfer this is.  He thinks its six I think its eight or I'm considering it the eighth!

Transfer ONE- IVF #1- My beautiful twins
Transfer TWO- IVF #2-FET 1- SET BFP low beta of 33, miscarried at 6 weeks.
Transfer FOUR- FET 3- SET BFN
Transfer FIVE- FET 4- two embryos- BFP Beta 120ish - second Beta 89ish :(
Transfer SIX- Using my frozen eggs- embryo died. Didn't transfer, but I count it, bc it died day of transfer :(
Transfer SEVEN- IVF #3- Two beautiful 6aa blasts. started to implant then fizzed out.
Transfer EIGHT- PGS- Two blasts- ???

Looking at this is scary. Daunting. Heart wrenching for anyone to go through this.  I can't believe it was me!  This doesn't count the surgeries, IUI's, hundreds of injections, pills, thousands of dollars, and months TTC on our own!  I can ask why me God, but I already know the answer!  God has been using this to work big things in my heart.  I have always been one who can 'figure it out' to make it work.  This is the one thing in my life, I can't.  I have to rely totally on God.  I have no idea what the future holds, if we get our miracle(s), or not, if this will be our last transfer, or not.  But looking at this knowing what we did this cycle to make it work,  I can't imagine anything else will help it happen.

This cycle I feel like I have completely let go.  I had one or two days of anxiety about my progesterone.  But thank God, I got approval about doing the PIO and Corinne.  Other than that, I just stopped talking about it, not with my IRL friends, not with my bible study, I don't really want prayers... Okay I do really want prayers, but I don't really want to ask people I know!  I feel like I'm done with all that.  God knows my heart.  God knows the desires of my heart, and he also knows what is best for us.  This is it.  I'm at peace, totally calm about tomorrow.  I pray this peace will continue through the 2ww and beyond!

So, tomorrow, I have to be there at 9am.  After transfer I do another intralipids via IV. I start lovenox tomorrow night, a little scared about that because I heard it burns, and those bruises look terrible :(


Lauree and Mike said...

I'm loving your inner peace. Love love love. You got this. And don't fret about the lovenox. It's not too bad. Make sure to google imagine search injection sites, as I failed to do so to get that giant one by my belly button (which you aren't suppose to inject around lol). 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

My (In)fertile Confessions said...

Thank you Lauree!! We are on our way!

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