Thursday, April 29, 2010

Debbie Downer WARNING…

I obviously got another BFN last weekend and started my period Saturday. I was totally PMSing. I am just so over seeing those negatives! I didn’t even want to start this next medicated cycle! But, we had already paid for the meds and everything is set up.

I went in tuesday for my CD 3 check up. Good news is that my ovaries look so much better! Not sure if that is due to acupuncture or just being on Metformin. I didn’t have any cysts, so Dr D had me start injections tuesday night… 100iu for three days! He is starting me a little higher this time, I usually start at 75iu. It will be interesting to see what happens. I go in tomorrow for another check up to see if I have any follicles growing... I'm sure I do! I can feel my ovaries! One reason I think he is being more aggressive is that this is my LAST cycle trying… for good! Sorry to disappoint. I’m done after this. I just can’t do it anymore. No IVF, no temping, no OPK’s… Finito!

C and I had a really good talk on Sunday. We feel that one day God WILL give us a child, but in his time. We are done trying. It is emotionally draining for us both. I don’t want years to pass and not be happy. I can’t be one of those women who just keep trying and trying and they are not enjoying life! I love my husband way to much for that. I realized that even trying on our own is JUST as draining as going through a medicated cycle. Getting that negative is devastating either way! I figure if God can get a VIRGIN pregnant, he can help us out, if that’s what He wants for us!

So this cycle, I give up… I’m done. I’m just going through the motions and am NOT going to even think its possible to get pregnant. Its just not going to happen this way for me. I’ll still post my stats for a bit for those of you who are following. Sorry to be so negative… but this IS where I am able to write my feelings… my journal!

2 comments:

Kate said...

I am sorry that this last cycle didn't work out. I think you are really smart to focus on ways to be happy in your current time and place. And for the record, I believe in miracles, too.

Sara said...

Thanks Kate! I really appreciate your comments :)

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