Yesterday was a very hard day. It ended in crying, by me. I think sitting around gives me too much time to think. Bed rest has been VERY challenging in many ways. It is especially difficult on our marriage. I don't want to sound like now we are struggling in any way, because that is the FARTHEST from the truth. Its just that being unable to do ANYTHING for yourself, let alone your husband, changes the dynamics of a relationship. I feel like a sick patient and he has to take care of me. Its not the loving marraige I'm used to. I was in tears yesterday because I was sad on how much things are changing, and how much of an invalid I feel.
My husband is my best friend and love of my life. I was hoping these last few weeks, where it is just the two of us, we would be able to ENJOY each other. I know once the babies come home, our relationship will take another turn, which is what we wanted and have been waiting for, but it is also scary since "the end" is now in sight. I guess its scary because its the unknown. I have no idea how its going to be, how WE are going to be as parents and as partners. For now it seems like our marriage is, in a sence, on hold for a while... at least until we get the hang of being parents!
What gives me comfort is I always remember that God gives us what we can handle. He felt and knew that WE could handle this twin pregnancy, WE could handle the bed rest, WE could handle being parents to twin boys, and then We can handle and endure all of this and keep our marraige strong! As hard as it is right now, I remind myself, in the end all will be well!