Waiting and waiting...

I hate waiting! It has only been 3dpiui and it feels like forever. At least during stimulation you feel like you are actually doing something. I actually started to LIKE the shots. Hmm... now what?

Today was actually nice. After sleeping 12 hours last night (progesterone?), I woke up, made french toast with veggie sausage and sliced peaches. We laid around for a while and were lazy. It was nice to have no agenda. Later we went down to Central park in Huntington Beach and walked around the lake with my baby, Oliver (I'll post a pic!). He got to play with the ducks and then got chased by a dog eating goose! Very comical. It brought back childhood memories of when I got chased by a goose with teeth! Later, we went and got lunch at the best taco place in town called, surf city taco's... yum!

It was nice and relaxing! No agenda, just me and my man (and my dog, Oliver!).

Extremely nervous...

Those follicles took off! I went in Sunday and those six follies were at 21, 19, 19, 18, 17, and 17mm. My RE still didn't want to trigger. He did my blood work and I got a call that my estrogen was at 900! He wanted me to "coast," which means, no injection for the night. I came back Wednesday to check on them, they were at 24, 23, 22, 21, 17mm, and 17mm. Relief! Only four continued to grow. I got my trigger, only they gave me half the amount, 5000 instead of 10,000iu of HCG. This is so the smaller follicles would not release. However, yesterday I went in for my first IUI. Dr. D checked my follicles and they were at 29, 28, 27, 26, 22, and 21mm! They all grew and are HUGE! I have six mature eggs! I was sure Dr. D was going to cancel this cycle and not go through with the IUI! Instead he says, "There is no reason that you should not be pregnant this cycle." He continued, "If for some reason it doesn't work, we need to sit down and discuss other options." Other options! It has only been 2 months! This is the second time I've ever ovulated (that I know of!)! I thought that most RE's would do 3-4 cycles of injectables + IUI!? Am I mistaken?

Well, I guess I have to look at the brighter side... he's pretty confident that I will be pregnant this month!! I'm just nervous about having a litter!!! I swear, when I first started this Dr. D told me that they like to see 2 or 3 follicles, not 6 and they cancel with more than 4. I have been praying that God guides the RE's decisions that they make the right choices for DH and I. science does a lot, but God allows things to happen as well. Please Lord, allow us to be pregnant... with the amount you know we can handle!

I went in for the IUI, which the nurse performs. DH and I were shocked to find out that his post wash sperm count was much lower that the previous time. It came in at 37 million with 89% motility. Last time we abstained 1 day. This time we abstained 2 days! It didn't make sense. I am guessing that today will be higher... maybe he does better when BD ever day! ha ha ha! I was worried at first, but I know of women getting PG with a much lower sperm count and much lower motility level than we had.

Last night I woke up at 2:30am with the worst pain on my right side. I have four eggs on that side, and I know I was ovulating. Why is my left ovary so lazy? I didn't produce any eggs last month on my left and only 2 this time? Anyways, I am still really crampy and bloated. I guess the high estrogen levels make you that way.

I am leaving for my second IUI in 30 min. We have drop off at 8 and IUI at 9. I decided to take a day off so DH and I can BD and then I can relax and take it easy. Yesterday I was so rushed. Gotta take care of my mental health as well :)

CD 11

I thought I would be getting my trigger today, but my bodies not reacting like it did last month. Last month I started my shots on Friday then did the trigger the following Saturday with two big follicals at 22mm. For them to be considered mature, they need to be at 18mm or above. I went in for my ultrasound and blood work yesterday. On my right ovary I had follies at 16mm, 14mm, 11mm and on my left ovary I had follies at 14mm, 12mm, and 11mm... it was something like that anyways. I have been taking 100iu of follistim since Monday and then Dr. D lowered my dosage back down to 75iu for last night and tonight. I go back for another u/s and b/w tomorrow. I am guessing that I will trigger either tomorrow or Monday and will do my b2b IUI's either Monday/Tuesday or Tuesday/Wednesday. But we'll see.

I love the fact this process goes so quick... especially because it DOES take over your life! You can't go out of town(meds need to be refrigerated and too many RE appointments), you have to be home at certain times during the evening (take shots same time every night!), once your in you 2WW, you can't workout, etc. I can't wait until I'm Pregnant so that I can have my life back! That sounds so crazy, but its true!

Last night my DH and I wanted to go on a date. We ended up going to dinner at a Mediterranean restaurant and having a good time, sans the wine. I really wanted to go see the movie Love Happens, but I had to come home to take my shot! Tonight is my 10 year high school reunion. I originally thought it was last week and I FOR SURE was not going to go because I was still grieving over not getting PG. I really didn't want to see people when I was so down. However, its tonight at 7. I usually take my shots at 8. Now, when am I going to do it? I have no idea yet! TBD. We decided to stay at my parents since we live an hour away from where I grew up. Tomorrow is another RE appointment, which means we have to wake up early to make it back out here! Its craziness... but hopefully it will be well worth it!

Here we go again...

I had my CD3 appointment on Friday. I almost didn't make it due to the WORST cramps of my life. I was literally crawling from the shower to my husband to ask him to get me 800mg of ibuprofen down stairs. From what I read on forums and blogs was that periods were lighter on injectable meds.... NOT FOR ME! Once the ibuprofen kicked in, I barely made it to my 6:45am appointment. I asked Dr. D. why it was so bad and he replied that they got my lining so thick that it causes a heavier period. I wish I knew that before! There is a lot I didn't know... I am finding out.

So this cycle I have a new attitude and I feel much more prepared (physically and emotionally). I began injections on Friday night of 75iu again. Dr. D. said he wanted to continue me on the same schedule as last month because it "was a good cycle."

Here is what I use to do the injections every night:

Follistim Pen, needle, alcohol wipe, gauze pad, needle disposal container, and follistim pen case

I didn't think I would...

cry. I didn't. I didn't think I would be so upset and grieving over the loss of my baby that may never be. It didn't come as soon as I heard the words, "Sara... I'm sorry. It didn't happen this month." When the nurse called to give me my results of the Beta, I knew immediately that the news was not good. But I didn't cry then.

My husband knows me so well. So he had my parents come over to either celebrate with us or support us for when we got the bad news. I am very blessed to have great relationships with my parents. Luckily it was a holiday and we all had it off (thank you Labor Day!). I didn't have to feel the repercussions of the bad news yet. I just enjoyed my day with a glass of wine and played some card games and went swimming. At least the whole day wasn't ruined.

When I was getting ready for bed, I checked my phone. I had my first comment on this blog! I was excited to read it, because I didn't even know anyone was reading my blog! My husband wanted to know what it said, as soon as I began reading the comment to him I started crying. It wasn't the comment that made me cry, however I just needed to cry. The comment helped. I was truly devastated that I was not pregnant.

I cried and my husband held me. We both were disappointed and hurt and don't understand what went wrong. It all seemed so perfect. Everything was right... 2 eggs, good size, good lining, great sperm, etc. It doesn't make sense. The last month I had put my hopes and dreams and envisioned my future family with my husband. I just thought maybe I would be that lucky girl who didn't need multiple cycles of fertility meds. I guess not.

Nothing in this life has come easy for me. I am not lucky. I have jumped through so many hoops to get where I am today. I don't know why I thought this one might be different. Its not. I do have hope though. I hope and pray that all this is worth it in the end and I will have my baby.

Shi* Shi* and Shi*!!!

It didn't work. I am literally shocked. I was so positive! The stupid progesterone gave me so many side effects I was certain. I feel horrible. Back to the ole drawing board...