I had been feeling very unsettled, and frustrated, to say the least. This last month, while on "Reset," I emailed Dr. R. Dr. R moved full time to the Beverly Hills office and no longer does appointments in the Orange County office, where I am. I had been feeling like I was slipping through the cracks. No one was taking charge of us, or being our advocate. Here is my email, copied and pasted...
Hi Dr. R!
I called your office to make an appointment, but your first avail was Sept 17 and I should be starting a new cycle next week. Sorry, I didn't call sooner! We are actually in Hawaii right now and enjoying the 'break,' but are ready to try again.
So, this is where we are at. We have two 'just okay' six day embryos left, which is why we want to transfer both AND this will also be our last time trying. If these don't work, we want to close this chapter and just enjoy our family of four, which we are beyond blessed with and so thankful for!
However, since this is our last time trying, we want to make sure we do EVERYTHING right and ask all the right questions. This can be our follow up! :)
1. Why do you think the last three transfers didn't take? Bad embryos? Bad batch? Does my body not like frozen embryo's?
2. Before my last transfer, I asked the nurse about doing assisted hatching. She said that is usually done at the time the embryo's are made and before freezing. Is this true? Do we have this option? Do you think this will help? If it is an option, why has no one suggested it?
3. I did a little reading, I googled specifically, "three failed FET's," and found that uterine scratching/biopsy gave a 20% increase in implantation. Do you do this? Should we do this?
4. What else if anything can we do to make this cycle successful?
5. I also read that Immune problems can cause your IVF to be unsuccessful. I know I've already been pregnant and given birth, but could I have something new?
6. Can we have Christine be our embryologist at transfer time? :) Looking forward to going to back to Redondo.
7. Do the different offices of Rep Partners have different success rates?
Okay I think that is all! I wish I had you for all of my other transfers, but I'm hoping to make this last one a taker! Praying for our take home baby! :)
Thank you Dr. R!
Chris and Sara
It took him FIVE days to respond. I felt like I was bothering him. Apparently they over book at the BH's office, and they even had Kim Kardashian as a patient, so that makes them more in high demand.
Anyway, my nurse had to call him before I could get a response! His reply's were short and didn't really give me much of anything for comfort. No other plan.
Here is his response...
Sara and Chris
I hope that you enjoyed (or are still enjoying) your vacation.
1) I do not know what you haven’t conceived. Everything looks great. It could be simply that we have found the normal embryo(s) for this cycle yet.
2) We routinely hatch embryos when we do day 3 transfers and in day 5 when the zonas (the “shell”) is thickened. We can do it if you want on the embryos prior to transfer. We just have to get the lab a note
3) Uterine scratching does not work. We thought it did but more information has been generated and most MDs feel that it is not helpful.
5) Nothing immunologic that we know of will be helpful in your case.
6) If you want Kris to help, we can asked her.
7) The clients are different so the successes are a little different but these differences are NOT real.
This gave me no hope. Except, maybe we just haven't found our one good embryo? I wasn't settled. I messaged another Dr in the practice anonymously on a forum they have. He replied that it was true that the scratch has now been found to not really add to anything, but suggested a biopsy of my lining, that will also include the scratch so when "next year they find it to work again, you will have done it!"
BAM! I like how this doctor thinks!
However, I no longer felt comfortable to email of ask Dr. R. I called my nurse, she called Dr. R, and asked him to call me, I received a text from him that said, "yes, that is probably as good idea."
Seriously!? Probably!? Probably is not good enough for me! I need to hear a definitive yes or no! The next morning I called again in tears. I spoke to Patty, she is so sweet, and totally understood my frustration. I spoke with Dr. A, whom I also totally trust. She told me that she was surprised I came up with the Endometrium biopsy on my own and that she wanted to suggest it to me after our last appointment, but I wasn't her patient! I told her that Dr. R had stopped being my advocate after he moved and I was slipping through the cracks. She agreed. She scheduled me for the following day.
The following day, which was this past Friday, I had Endo Scratch/biopsy done! It wasn't bad at all, and I'm usually such a baby. I took 800 mg of ibuprofen, said a prayer asking the Lord to take away the pain, and I barely felt cramps. It took less than five minutes and felt like a pap smear at most. I've been spotting the last couple days and have had ZERO pain, and the bleeding is now stopping.
With only two embryo's left, I really wanted to make sure we crossed all of our T's and dotted all of our i's. I just couldn't go through another FET doing the same thing and hoping for the best. I will get the result of the biopsy at the end of the week. They are looking for inflammation or an infection which is pretty common and asymptomatic. If all is normal, at least we did the scratch!
We were supposed to transfer this coming Friday, but now Dr. A had me start prometrium to start my period.... then we will do our last and final FET.
Sorry this post was so long! I had so much to get off my chest. I honestly believe, God is using this time to grow my faith, and help me to trust him MORE... even if nothing comes from all of this. The day of my break down, I was feeling not only frustrated with my doctor care, or lack there of, but also frustrated that I wasn't seeing a clear cut path on what we should do, like we did with the boys. When we went through IVF with the boys, I was calm, I felt peace and totally trusted the Lords leading. I've felt lost this time. I realized that day, that I needed to give these embryos over to the Lord, they are his after all, not mine. Just like I did in the past. I pictured the cross up on a hill, and a duffle bag, with "embryos" written across it. I push it to the cross, because he promises to carry our burdens for us!
"Then Jesus said, 'Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is east to bear and the burden I give you is light." Matthew 11:28-30
I can honestly say, I feel peace. No matter the outcome, I know I can trust Him, and I know his plans are for good.