Saturday, October 15, 2016

At a loss...

How can this be us? This is our fourth loss. First with PGS normal embryos. Not sure if I told you all but we lost two boys πŸ’”πŸ’” I am seriously so lost and broken hearted. I don't even know where to go from here. We have two embryos left, but I think my uterus is destroying them. We did everything this cycle... hysteroscopy and resected a uterine septum (third time), RPL panal, added lovenox, intralipids, I did an uterine receptivity test, we finally had PGS normal embryos. There is nothing left. I've done the scratch thing too! Wasted thousands and thousands of dollars over two IVF's and seven transfers.. nothing to show for it but broken hearts and many babies in heaven... seven transfers and 10 beautiful embryos. Now only God can give us answers. How in the world did I have my twins?1.
Never in my worst nightmare would I imagine this would be us. All my boys wanted was a baby sister, we tried. This has all been such a test to our faith. I know God loves us, but no one should go through thisπŸ˜ͺ  

I will have my WTF appointment and then decide what to do next, if anything. Surrogacy may be our only option for our remaining two. C texted me and said we should adopt a baby girl, today. We'll see! Researching options...

6 comments:

Lauree and Mike said...

Keep believing. I'm praying this is God's way of making it so your last two PGS embryos work and then you aren't burdened with having to decide what to do with unused embryos. I tell myself that is why, when we had 8 blasts, the first 4 failed/miscarried and 2 of the remaining 4 were abnormal... so we were left with exactly what God knew we needed. πŸ’–πŸ’–πŸ’–πŸ’–πŸ’–πŸ’–πŸ’–πŸ’–

My (In)fertile Confessions said...

What would you do Lauree? I'm terrified to waste them on my body. I would use a surrogate, I have had two people offer, but I want to carry my own babies, and nurse! I'm so torn. I think about that, maybe it is what God wanted, us to not have any left, but why do I keep having such early losses? These attached so early and we're strong! I felt so pregnant, then bam! They were gone in a day! 😞 There has to be something wrong.

My (In)fertile Confessions said...

Also, where did you find someone doing uterine massages?

Anonymous said...

Sara, I'm so very sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine the pain you are going through. Did your dr. do embryo glue? I heard it can hold embryos in place and help them implant better. I also agree with Lauree statement. Maybe God didn't want you to face the decision about those two remaining babies. I do believe that everything happens for a reason. I was heartbroken for months after our failed frozen cycle last Fall. I knew our chances were very limited even if we do another fresh cycle. My husband has severe male factor (low count less than 1 mil., 100% abnormal morphology, motility), I have DOR, poor egg quality. We only had one good embryo from ivf #1 - Tristan. And you know our story already, but we would NEVER have this miracle baby if the Fall transfer last year was a success. It's so heartbreaking and you will always miss your angel babies. But later it will all make sense and you will understand God's way of doing things in our lifes and his reasons.
Sending you lots of ♡♡♡
Katerina

PS. Message me anytime on facebook.

Lauree and Mike said...

It's definitely a tough call. I know TWO women who were in the same exact situation as you. PGS normals would fail in their bodies. Then they both chose to use surrogates and one has twins now (transferred 2 PGS normals) and one has a singleton on the way in 2 days (transferred 1 PGS normal). Sometimes our own bodies are just assholes and don't want to behave. I probably would have gone the surrogate route if it wasn't so expensive. If you have the means, I would TOTALLY look into it for your last 2 PGS normals. Maybe even do 1 at a time in a surrogate? I'm so sorry you have to go through all this. :( As for uterine massage, I used to go to an infertility support group in my area and she would come speak to our group about the benefits. So I kinda stumbled on uterine massage. Google it for your area. Or look up youtube videos on how to do it yours at home (though not nearly as relaxing as someone doing it for you!).

Chantal said...

I am so sorry for your loss Sara. Worst feeling in the world when you have done everything right. I also did PGS, the embryo scratch (Endometrial biopsy),prednisone and lovenox. I think a gestational carrier would be ideal if you can afford it. My husband and I were financially drained after 8 ivf transfers, PGS. I will continue to pray for you. Don't give up hope. You still have frozen embryos! Hugs!

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