UGH

Dr. D finally called at 230! As soon as I knew it was my RE I knew it was a BFN. Of course I asked why? He said it could be a number of things because there is no reason it shouldn't have worked, being that I'm 28, released 5-6 eggs, DH sperm is an A+, etc. So he said that it could be that the shell of the egg is too firm, or the sperm don't have this enzyme to break the shell of the egg, etc. He also wants me to have an Hysteroscopy again to check on my uterus to make sure it didn't seal shut since I had that septum removal surgery in April. He did one in May, but we didn't start TTC again until Aug. So, if all that is clear he wants to have an IVF consultation.

I'm supposed to call when I start my period, probably tomorrow since I quit the progesterone yesterday (Great choice!). But, my husband and I don't want IVF. There are too many cases where it doesn't work. Plus, we are not sure about the ethics of creating a ton of embryo's and dumping the rest. I know there is still much to learn. I'm not throwing in the towel on that yet. However, I am already a nervous wreck and emotionally drained from the injectables. I would be completely and utterly devastated if it didn't work. I am already completely and utterly devastated injectables didn't work. We are taking a break... Except I'm going to try accupuncture and herbs to try to help regulate my period... at least see if it helps!

I made an appt. for next Tuesday at a wellness center. I spoke with the accupuncturist about what she could do for PCOS and irregular menses. She said that she prescribes chinese herbs which can help regulate menses, will teach me to eat the proper foods for fertility, and of course, acupuncture for everything else. I will learn more on Tuesday.

I'm not sure if I want to give up temping, and I'm still considering getting OPK's. I'm wondering if I will ovulate sooner since being on all these meds! That would be awesome! My last unmedicated cycle was 53 days! I think I have a lazy left ovary! My right ovulated every time on the medicated cycle and not my left. Also I tend to ovulate every other month, so that would make sense.

What I'm realizing, and what I said this entire time is that, yes, medicine works, but ultimately its God who has the power to make pregnancy happen! It is in His timing... not mine!


Dear God,

Please give me the patience to wait on what you have in store for Chris and I. I feel like I have been carrying the burden of infertility and have not been waiting on you. I have been trying to do this without you. Please forgive me. I know that you have my best interest in mind. I know that your timing is perfect. Please remind me daily of this. Lord, Chris and I want a child so much, and if it is your will, please grant us the desire of our hearts. Thank you. Amen.