Finally...

the bleeding stopped the other day! I thought it was NEVER going to end! I called Dr. D to schedule my hysteroscopy. The nurse asked me when I started my period... I have absolutely no idea!?!? I have been bleeding for over a month, so I told her when it got really heavy.

I'm scheduled for Monday at 9:45am and I have to use my last sick day at work. I thought about doing a half day but it really doesn't make sense. It makes things so difficult because I work so far! I figured I would be done by 10:45 at the latest, then I would have to drive over an hour to get there by 12 and have technically two periods to teach. Students leave at 1:50 and I have 6th period lunch... so not worth it.

Today I'm meeting my bff for a day at the spa! I'm really excited to play in the mud... literally! They have different pools to swim in and mud to rub all over yourself! It will be a really fun girls day.

The other day was C's 31st birthday! I got surprised him with a trip to go sports fishing with his buddies. So, today thats where he'll be! Happy BDAY BABE!

I think I'm in love...

with my next career! I used to be really into photography years ago. I took four years in high school and some in college. I wanted to major in it, but people discouraged me.

C and I have been talking about next year. I am not sure I'm going back to work... as a teacher. I don't love my job (although its rewarding), I commute one hour each way, and I'm bored most of the day! I don't feel intellectually stimulated and I cannot be creative in the environment I work in. I teach at-risk youth who need a lot of one-on-one attention. Therefore I don't do lessons, rather they have packets (which I create), but that's it! Yes, here and there we do activities or I show them films, but its not exactly what I thought I would be doing. I love the students but not the job. Its been a dilemma until now...

I did my first photo shoot of my pregnant friend who is carrying a miracle baby (She tried for four years to get PG... no IF treatments!). I had such a blast and I realized what I have been missing! Here are some of the pics...





The weird part is I'm so okay taking pictures of my friends PREGNANT belly, because I know GOD is in control. I gave up trying to be in charge a while ago... so I know my time will come :) Hopefully these pics won't upset anyone!

Bloodwork…

came in and I’m anemic and Vitamin D deficient. This totally doesn’t make sense; I am already taking 1000 iu of Vitamin D, I’m light skin, and live in Southern California! Now, Dr. Do has me taking 2000iu.

As far as the anemia, I am sure I am much more anemic now than when I took the blood test. I have been bleeding for a month (on and off)! This did not happen with my last surgery. I am positive that it is because of the BCP. I skipped the placebo pills and when strait to the next pack (per Dr. D), and now I’ve been having tons of break through bleeding (UGH!). I cannot wait until this is all over!

Friday I got off the estrogen patch and the BCP’s and started the Prometrium. Dr. D thought that would stop the bleeding… far from it! It was horrible! (TMI) I woke up soaked in blood after going through TWO supers! Then at church I stood up for the last song and had to run to the bathroom. I felt a gush that went through my pants! Good thing I was wearing a long shirt!

After that experience I decided it was time to call Dr. D again. He was actually excited about the news!?! He said “this is promising! The septum is fully resected and is now trying to lose the lining. Stop the Prometrium and call me when you stop bleeding so we can do the hysteroscopy.” I am a little confused, but excited that I don’t have to go through ANOTHER period next week! I don’t want another for A LONG TIME!!!

C and I decided since we are going to have to wait another cycle that we are going to try on our own this month! Hopefully my body isn’t too messed up from all the hormones and I ovulate early! I’ve been on the Metformin now for almost 5 months. It will be interesting to see what will happen!

On a better note…

Miami was awesome! I absolutely love it! The weather sucked for a couple days then completely cleared and was so beautiful! C and I went walking down in South Beach and then had lunch. Sitting there, I heard so many beautiful languages being spoken. It is very Euro (which is where my heart is!). I love the Cuban feel too. Unfortunately, we did NOT have any Cuban food. I was so looking forward to that, but it was too difficult with all the events with C’s work.

Living in the O.C. and working near L.A. you would think we would see a ton of celebrities. Yes, I’ve seen some, but not like on my Miami trip! On the plane out, we had Ray Jay (Brandi’s brother and from the show For the Love of Ray Jay) and a guy from the Miami Heat. There, we saw the Kardashians (Kourtney, Scott, the baby), Shakiel Oniel, Jeffrey Donavan from Burn Notice. On the Plane home... I was star struck when Kristen Davis from Sex in the City was sitting behind our friends!!! When I got off the plane in LA, I realized Jason from Nsync was also on our plane too! There was paparazzi waiting in the baggage claim asking if the Bachelor was on our plane! He wasn't. We didn't say who was :) Crazy huh!?!

Pics from our trip...



C getting his award!

the two of us after the awards ceremony!

The view from our hotel room!

More..

news. I got that balloon out today... finally!! I am so thankful! Dr. D said everything went good and he went over the picks! The bad new is that he changed his mind on doing another hysteroscopy in the office :( Originally he said he wouldn't do one we would just go strait to injectables next month. Well, now I'm going to have to wait ANOTHER MONTH! Ugh! I guess there is some good news in that though... he wants to make sure the septum isn't growing back and there is no scar tissue. He said that if there are either of those, he can just snip it right there (ouch!). Also, I was a little worried that my uterus wouldn't be fully healed and it could rupture if I did get pregnant. I think I read something like that.

So, now I have about 2 1/2 weeks left til I start my period, then I call and schedule the hysteroscopy which has to be between days 5-11. But, the good thing is that I've been on met now for almost 5 months and Chris and I can try on our own that cycle. I think I may take the p4 too, I have some left over. Then if it doesn't work, we have to wait till my NEXT cycle to do follistim in May.

Waiting waiting and more waiting...

More good news for my mental Health... C and I are leaving for South Beach, Florida in the morning! We are going for C's work! He is being awarded for being a top producer in his company (#1 in California!!)! I am very proud of him, he is such a hard worker and good provider. So, I get to skip work and go and support my husband (while laying out by the pool/beach!!). I think this will be good for my emotional/mental health (and for our marriage)! Bon Voyage!

Fear...

Where did you come from? I haven't felt you before. You have taken over my existence the last couple of days. I cannot sleep at night because of you! You are all I think about... when I wake, when I eat, when I work, when I sleep. Fear, please go away!

Last Sunday at Church the message was about how the devil uses things like fear or discouragement to "mess" with us and take our focus from what God has for us. Well, ever since then, FEAR has entered my life like a storm. For the last week, I have not been able to sleep. I toss and turn, my mind won't shut off. Then Sunday, I went to lay down and all of a sudden I became afraid... of failure. I am so afraid that the IF treatments are not going to work! What would we do??? IVF is the last resort. Its the LAST thing that RE's can do. Do we even want to go there? I am scared that its not going to work!

C and I were talking the other night (again) about whether or not IVF is even an option for us (just in case follistim doesn't work). I just don't know. I hear so many stories, people spend thousands! My mom was telling me the other night about someone she knew who spent $100,000 on IVF. The last cycle FINALLY worked. Then she got pregnant with her second the next year... no IVF. I hear about people doing IVF multiple times and it doesn't WORK, then they give up (probably because they are broke), then they get a BFP naturally (SURPRISE!). Do I really want to go there? I am afraid!

Well, the sermon on Sunday, concluded by saying that to stop the devil in his tracks you need to say Gods word to him... like Jesus did when he was being tempted in the desert during his 40 day fast.

I am going to try it! Here are some verses on fear (I'm going to say them aloud)...

Psalm 27:1
The LORD is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear? The LORD is the strength of my life; Of whom shall I be afraid?


Isaiah 41:10
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

2 Timothy 1:7
For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.

Deuteronomy 31:6
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.

There I read them aloud! Very good... we'll see how I sleep tonight! I am so exhausted, emotionally and physically drained, and I think fighting a mild form of depression. There I said it.. I feel weak. I have been so strong through all of this, not letting people know EXACLTY what's going on inside me. I'm not sure I even knew what was going on inside me. All of a sudden I felt sad. Not all the time, but sometimes and with some things. The only thing that makes me happy right now is my husband and my family. I'm trying to stay strong and positive for C and the rest! Its getting more and more difficult. I think I have been fighting this D since I found out I had to have surgery again. I want to be a wife that C wants to come home to, not a Debby Downer. Sorry for a bummer post!

The surgery...

went great! I went in last Thursday for my SECOND uterine septum resection. I was much more relaxed, unlike the previous time. I knew what to expect, so that made it much easier going in! C stayed with me the entire time... making me laugh, along with all of the hospital staff, which was nice. Dr. D arrived at EXACTLY 11:45 (he's so punctual!) to take me back. Before I got wheeled away, C gave me a kiss, and then the anesthesiologist gave me a "relaxing" drug. It made me feel drunk! Before I knew it, I was out, and waking up in recovery 45 min later.

I was more coherent, less groggy, and in much less pain than the previous surgery. This is because last time Dr. D did the Laparoscopy as well and the surgery took 1 hour and 45 min. I woke up to graham crackers and juice and before I left I received a "happy pill..." percocet, I believe!

Once home, C thought I would sleep the rest of the night so he took me upstairs to bed. A couple hours later, I came downstairs to watch TV... which is where I spent pretty much the rest of the weekend. C was amazing all weekend! He truely made me feel loved. He made me all of my meals, made me a spritzer (San Pellegrino and cranberry juice!)when ever I wanted, etc. I am so lucky to have him as my husband!

Overall, recovery was much better, I had to move slow, but was in much less pain. I went back to work Monday. My students were awesome... helping me when I needed it! I stayed in my desk all day. However, by Tuesday I was a new woman! I no longer needed pain meds, and was moving around much quicker!

I am ecstatic about the results. Dr. D printed me some pics. The uterine septum is completely gone! Last time I remember seeing a little lip left over. Dr. D was less conservative this time! I am excited to see what the future holds!

I am currently on an estrogen patch for two more weeks. Next, I will be taking prometrium in order to start my period. Then on CD3 I will be starting Follistim!

C and I have learned a lot since our last cycles. We realized that medicine does work, but God is ultimately in control. We are relying much more on Him, and much less on us (I think that's a song!). Prayer is so important and it has definitely been what has kept us strong in this journey. Our family and friends have been so supportive and we have people praying for us that we don't even know! We feel so blessed.