Unbelievable!

When you hear people say to be your own advocate, BE YOUR OWN ADVOCATE!  I picked up all of my medical records from Dr. D's today because I was planning on getting a second opinion, which I still am.  But after going through all my paper work, which is literally hundreds of pages, I came across two important pages that Dr. D never informed us of.  On 07/08/09, C had a s/a done.  He had high #'s... 276 mil, a 4out of 4 on moltility, BUT only 8% morphology this equals Moderate Teratozoospermia. i.e 92% of his sperm is mishaped and cannot either reach my egg or penetrate it!  I cannot believe it!  How did this happen!?  I can't believe we went through all of this heartache of IUI's and BFN's for nothing!!!

We are still going to get a second opinion.  I have an appointment tomorrow with one RE and another next week.  Dr. D was right... IVF may be in our future.  Through research, I found that is what is recommended, possibly with ICSI.  However I am pissed that he NEVER mentioned this.  This should have been our FIRST recommendation not our last resort.  It would have been emotionally better on us all.  I think he somehow over looked it.  This sucks, but at least I finally have some answers (and its not all me! ha!)!

Not much to report...

Currently 9dpo.  I'm not really feeling anything (as if  I should!?).  I am just trying to stay busy and not think about the possibility.  It is the worst when you get your hopes up for nothing.  I would rather be surprised :)

C and I had a great weekend relaxing.  It was nice having the three day weekend... to do nothing! We did spend some time with friends, which was really nice.  They have an amazing pool and an adorable Baby.  C and I got to play with him which was really fun.  I got to envision (a little) what it would be like for they two of us to have a baby.  C would be SUCH a great Dad!  He is so good with kids. I can't wait till it happens!!  I know it will... one way or another!!

No more news... Ciao!

A few pics from paradise... Enjoy!

Enjoying a Mai Thai!!!  On vacation and all :)

Yummy Mai Thai's!!

On a hike to the falls

The magnificent falls

a gorgeous lookout spot!

I'm kinda excited...

I am getting a part-time job!  Well, kinda.  My husband is a branch manager of a mortgage company and also writes loans.  His office is VERY successful, they were #1 in the country last month (GO SEAL BEACH!).  He is so busy and needs some help. 

Last night he proposition me about helping make fliers once a week for a couple hours, which I agreed to do.  And, because he has so many Realtors, he wants to send thank you baskets to the new ones each week when he closes a loan for them.  I thought that was a fantastic idea!  So I am going to put together 'lil baskets (bottle of wine, Metlife snoopy stuffed animal, a metlife balloon, etc) and deliver!  I'll be going in on Thursdays for 3-4 hours...I am surprisingly excited!  It will be nice to get outta this mess of a house (remodeling... ugh!)!  I love being a stay-at-home wife but this will be nice and give me some purpose... another way of supporting my hardworking hubby!

Another thing I'm really excited about is I signed up for a women's Bible study on Thursday mornings.  I think this will be a good time since I will be with other women who also may be stay-at-homes!  I need some good Christian friends... really difficult to find!

what a week...

Hey Ladies!! Well, I'm 2 dpo (I O'd cd 18) today and I have had a migraine since yesterday! UGH! I have been exhausted as well and have to keep taking naps. I feel rundown. I think I've been doing too much lately and my body is forcing me to rest.

We are currently in the middle of a remodel and it has been quite stressful. Yesterday we had railings put in and I had to stain them (saved $1600, by doing it myself!). But I was under a time constraint and not what I needed at the moment.  Here is a pic of part of them.... We live in a tri-level town home, this is on the top floor.  Where these are, there was two "pony" walls that I took down...  Love em!!

I think part me not feeling well is me doing too much and part of it is the hormonal change after O. I usually have tons of energy leading up to O and then a crash.

I had a horrible dream last night that first I got a BFN, then we decided to do IVF and it didn't work either. I had 2 frozen embies on ice (a boy and girl). It was so vivid! I remember feeling like those are my babies, please God let them make it! We were going to transfer them next cycle, but then I woke up!

I didn't love it at all!

Kauai was....

AMAZING!! We were really able to relax. It is one of the most beautiful placed I've been thus far. The Napali coast was literally breath taking. It is considered one of the top ten wonders of the world and now I can see why. It makes me want to go and see the other nine! I took so many pics!

My diet went out the window, but I didn't feel the least bit guilty. Since the last IF treatment, I lost 10 lbs of body fat, and feel great! I'm back to my wedding weight... well except I have a few to lose from the vacation. But, I'm sure that will mostly drop this week and is probably water weight.

Since upping my metformin, my skin is clearing up again! I also feel better. I know something is working! Not sure if I posted this last time, but my endo prescribed me clomid as well, because he said that 90% of pcos patients get pg on the combination of met and clomid. I think its strange to have gone from IUI and injections and now to try clomid!? But what the hay... its just a lil pill right?

I took it days 3-8 (yes 6 days!). Not sure why he prescribed me 6 days of the stuff but I took it! I am not going in for monitoring, no p4 check, no iui... just good ole fashion S-E-X! All the recipe for NO STRESS :)

I'm CD 12 right now and have the first sign of fertile CM! I'm super excited because this is so early for me! Its like a NORMAL cycle! I am going to use opk's too! So far no +.

The only thing I do not like about clomid is that ever since I started I've been having cramping on and off. It doesn't feel great. I've never heard of that as a side effect... the only thing I've heard was how crazy it makes you. I've been feeling fine... No crazies over here! I am very happy and loving my husband!

We celebrated our 3rd anniversary in Kauai, Aug. 17. It was amazing and we are more happy and in love than ever! I can't believe its been 3 years! That seems like such a long time. I look forward to the future with my amazing, funny, supportive, lovable, hubby! He makes me smile every day!

AMAZING SUMMER!

Chris and I have had such an amazing time... reconnecting, enjoying each other, traveling, etc. Almost every weekend we have been out of town. This has been just what the doctor ordered! Our relationship is great (sex life better than EVER!)! We have been to Laughlin twice, enjoying the lake on wave runners. Went to Del Mar for a weekend wedding, which was absolutely breathtaking over looking the ocean, and really fun! Last weekend Chris took his entire office to Palm Springs, which I planned! It was fabulous! We had 19 people total. Dinner, spa, pool, and fun in the sun! It wasn't too hot... we have had quite the mild summer. Actually cool in HB, it was nice to feel the warmth again. Tomorrow we are leaving for Kauai! I am so excited to celebrate our 3rd anniversary, August 17th! I have never loved my husband more than I do today. I can't imagine loving him more!

Taking time for one another is so crucial in EVERY Marriage. Even if it is just an evening walk together. Quality time = Happy Marriage.

Looking back at the last two years (It has been officially two years since I through out the BCP), it has been an emotional roller coaster. However, we are so blessed that it has only strengthened our marriage and love for each other. We are content with what we have now and have accepted what God has blessed us with.

I resigned from my job as a high school teacher (a blessing). I am now a stay at home wife. I am looking forward to seeing what new path God is going to open for us. God never closes doors with out opening new ones!