Yams and blackbeans...

Things are definitely getting back to normal around here!  Rocco had come down with another fever last Wednesday of 102.7 (!!!) and we had to change his antibiotics.  I have also started him on some baby probiotics since he has been on antibiotics for weeks now.  Fortunately, they started working right away!  He is almost back to his old self again, with the exception of his appetite.  He is still not eating like he used to.  When he first had his surgery, he love the pacifier in his mouth I think because he didn't like to touch his tongue on the roof of his mouth.  Last week he had enough of it and decided he was done with the pacifier.  Maximus, on the other hand still likes his.  Both boys are still drinking the bottle.  I am waiting until their one year appointment before we think about weaning.  I did however  try to start switching over to Organic Cows milk.  Unfortunately, we got to three oz of cows and five oz of formula and they started rejecting it.  Any tips?

Here is one of their new favorite foods... Yam and Black Bean balls...

 Rocco testing out the new food

Maximus getting better at his pincer, however he still likes to grab fistfuls of food!

Maximus... YUM!

Rocco... he likes them too!

They LOVE them...

Recipe...

1 c. black beans (rinsed)
2 c. yams (about 2 yams baked)
2 garlic cloves sauteed in EVOO(optional)
1/2 onion sauteed in EVOO(optional)
2 TBL cilantro (optional)

Mix together, make into balls and broil for 8 min.  I froze the rest so they had an easy snack to eat or meal :)  I also used all of the ingredients except the cilantro only because I didn't have any.  I am making more today and will add it in for a new twist.

The Laundry room...

For whatever reason, Rocco and Maximus are obsessed with the Laundry room.  No matter what, I will set one of them down from getting a diaper change, for example, and if he sees a crack in the door, strait to the Laundry room he goes (which happens to be right across the hall from their room)! The other one will be next to follow!  I think they love seeing the clothes go round and round.  I'm hoping this is a sign they will be helping me in the future! :)

Rocco is...

CANCER FREE!!!!!!!CANCER FREE!!!!!CANCER FREE!!!!!  CANCER FREE!!!!!CANCER FREE!!!!!  I don't think I can say it enough....CANCER FREE!!!!!  CANCER FREE!!!!!  We are unbelievably grateful and blessed beyond words!  God is so good! Thank you for all of your prayers! We are truly grateful! We received the report Tuesday night and couldn't be happier.

We still have a long road of recovery ahead of us, however. Two nights ago Rocco came down with a fever. I knew he isn't drinking enough fluids. Until last night, Thursday, he would not take the bottle. I had tried virtually EVERYTHING to get him to drink. He did like to use this spoon feeder that is used for medicine. So the night of the fever I made a smoothy of greek yogurt, apple juice, coconut oil, and banana. I poured it in the spoon and he drank it up! I had been trying anything for some calcium and fluids.

Wednesday I was at my wits end and he almost ended up at the emergency room for dehydration.  So, as against as I am about babies eating sugar, I gave him jello and gave him as much as he would eat!  That was the only thing could get down him!  Thank GOD we are on the up and up!

He was on Tylenol with codeine for pain from Saturday until Wednesday.  Yesterday I decided to see how he would do without the pain meds and thought maybe it was upsetting his stomach.  Low and behold he FINALLY drank from the bottle with a larger hold cut in it so it would be easier to drink.


Rocco PRE-Surgery (he is such a strong boy!)...

Rocco yesterday after drinking his first bottle post surgery, finally feeling better...

This has been one emotionally draining, heart wrenching process.  We are forever grateful that we can close this chapter and move on to bigger and better things (1st birthday bash comin!!).  However, I do have to say, my HEART truly has a big place for parents and children who have cancer.  I cannot fathom it!  We came close enough and I can honestly say the WORST thoughts would go through my head.  I cannot imagine losing one of my children.  

Thank you again for following along, for your words of encouragement but most importantly your prayers.  I know the power of prayer works!  God bless you all :-)

Rocco' Surgery...

Was much worse than anticipated.  We were originally told that it would be a quick 20 min procedure.  I was thinking that they would cut the skin, pull out the tumor and close up.  The surgery was 2 hours!  When the doctor went in, the mass was much larger than anticipated.. 2 inches long!  It left a giant hole in the center of the palate, similar to a cleft palate.  The doctor then had to reconstruct his entire palate, cutting on the sides and pulling tissue to the center.  So now instead of once giant hole, there are four smaller holes with sutures in the middle.  He said it would heal quicker this way and the tissue will just fill in.  He came out to talk to us and show us the pictures prior to going back to see Rocco.  I was in tears, to say the least, seeing the pictures (I have them, but I won't traumatize you with seeing) and then to see my son in such pain!

Yesterday was beyond difficult, emotionally draining, and I'm sure worse for Rocco.  However, without all of your prayers and prayers from our family and friends, I'm sure it would have been worse.  So thank you!  I know we will get through this.  I have faith that God has a plan for good.

Please continue to pray for Rocco.  He has yet to eat more than 2 bites or drink a bottle.  I am able to get some water down, however.  Yesterday he cried most of the day and would only sit with me.  Today he is already showing signs of improvement, playing with his brother.

We should get the pathology report by tuesday and we go in for a check up at CHOC.  I am scared to death, but hoping for the best.

Thank you again for your continued support and prayers!

Break down... then prayer.

I am emotionally drained.  I have been trying to stay so strong for my lil guys that I haven't really been feeling my emotions.  I have probably been stuffing them deep down.  Today was the break down.

Today was Rocco's Pre-op.  The doctor basically wanted to make sure he was still nice and healthy and ready for surgery.  We received paper work and were told when to be at the surgery center... 8am and surgery isn't until 915!!!  I am very upset about the time, since we will have one VERY hungry lil boy!  However, Saturday cannot come soon enough, so we can hopefully be able to move on from this.

Friday I have to take Rocco to have blood work done.  That is not going to be fun either.  Basically this whole process is just HORRIBLE and no baby should have to be put through this.

As hard as I'm trying to be strong... I'm scared.  How hard we worked to have these babies, how hard we prayed for these babies, there is no way God will take him from me, right?  These thought start creeping in my head... I know I need to be positive.  I need to stop thinking the worst thoughts! But they start coming.

My father in law came with me to todays appointment and then took us out to lunch which was nice.  By the time we got home, I really just needed to be alone.  I put the boys down for their nap and then went to my bedroom and shut the door... and cried.

Now I'm downstairs blogging.  Getting my feelings out.  Praying.  I have done more praying than I have in a long time.  Trying to have faith that God will protect our son...



So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. Matt 10:31 NIV

This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9 NLT

When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. Psalm 56:3 NIV

They do not fear bad news; they confidently trust the Lord to care for them. Psalm 112:7 NLT



Dear Lord God,  you are my everything.  I put all of my faith and trust in you!  You have blessed me with so much, saved my life so many times.  I now lift up my son Rocco to you Lord.  He is your child first and my child second.  Thank you for in trusting me with caring for him.  Lord, I know you have great plans for his life, I pray that he is protected by you so that he may fulfill his purpose Lord.  I pray for his health and his safety.  I pray that his doctor will give him the best care possible and get out what needs to be taken out.  Lord, please comfort Rocco for he doesn't understand what is happening.  Give him strength and for him to feel your peace while going through the procedures that need to be done.  Please Lord also be with C and I.  Give us the peace and comforting that we need to also get through this and to know you are with us and our son.  If it is your will, Lord, keep our son healthy and we pray that there is no cancer found in his perfect body that you created.   We praise you for blessing us with this special, loving, sweet, sensitive, strong, curious, and intelligent boy that has changed our lives forever.  He is such a gift!  Thank you, Amen.

Rocco update...

The MRI went as good as expected.  Once I felt settled that we were making the right decision, I wasn't   AS worried about how the whole thing was going to take place.  We got up at 5am so we could drive to the outpatient center and be there at 6am.  Once registered we headed up to the radiology department and got checked in.  We were put in a room where the nurse went over what to expect, took his blood pressure, etc. We had to put him in a hospital gown, which was so sad to see.  No child should EVER have to where one of those!  C and I were both there with him, however only one of us could go into the room while they put him to sleep.  I, of course, wanted to be there with him.  By the time everything was ready Rocco was crying hysterically.  One because he was hungry and Two because I'm sure he was scared.  I laid him on the MRI table and the anesthesiologist was there and ready to gas him.  I had to hold his arms and hands down while they put the gas mask over his little face. I held his hands with tears running down my face and kept repeating "Mommy Loves YOU... Mommy Loves YOU..." until he went limp and was asleep.

The wait seemed like forever.  I made a bottle (I am no longer breastfeeding... long story) when I knew it was getting close to being called back to recovery, so he wouldn't have to wait any longer.  I was a little upset because he was already awake when I went back there.  There were nurses trying to give him sugar water because he was so hysterical.  I guess its normal for babies to cry for about 20 min when they wake up since they are disorientated.  I took my baby from them and fed him right away.  He cried for a while and then calmed down.  I just held him and rocked him.

My mom stayed home with Maximus, we were back by 9am and Maximus was up playing when we got home.  After Rocco had breakfast got to see his brother he was feeling much better.

Later that day we got a call from his doctors office.  They already received the results!  The good news...  there was no sign of any brain tissue coming down in the palate!  The bad news... there was a soft tissue mass.  I didn't know totally what that meant.  I went in today because the doctor wanted to do another evaluation.  I was thinking he may want to biopsy it, but was SHOCKED when he said he wanted to remove it!

On July 14, my baby boy has to have surgery!  A soft tissue mass is a tumor that is usually benign in infants and children, but there, of course, is a possibility that it may be cancer (God FORBID!).  I am trying my best to stay positive.  I know the chances of it being the big C  are slim... but its still there.  I am having faith that God will be with us and will keep him safe.

One of my favorite verses is definitely giving me comfort right now...

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Jeremiah 29:11

This one is for my baby Rocco!!!

Rocco's Big Day Tomorrow... MRI

Tomorrow is his big day!  For the past two months we have been back and forth on whether to do the MRI or not.  It is SO invasive for an infant!  However last week we had his "pre-op" and I was able to ask his new Ped her feelings on it.  Her answer was, "I feel VERY STRONGLY that he needs to have it done."  That was exactly what I needed to hear.  As hard as tomorrow is going to be for us, I know it is in his best interest.  My fear is that this will only be the beginning, if God forbid, there is something tragically wrong with his palate.  My hope is that this will help us to close the door on this "issue" and that is just how he was made.  However, I was just looking at it today and I am worried that it has increased in size.  I am praying that I am wrong... we will find out soon!

Please pray for us and my little guy!!  I will keep you posted on how it goes!

Normal... who me??

Ya thats right!  For the FIRST time in MY LIFE I had a period that was considered NORMAL!  Isn't normal considered 28-35 days?  I just made the cusp!  My last cycle was 35 days... unbelievable!!!  Has pregnancy cured my PCOS??  I doubt it!  However I do find it VERY odd that I had a normal one post pregnancy.  The shortest it ever was when TTC was 42 days and that was when I was on 2250mg of metformin/day.  I am hoping this will be my new normal!  The good news too is that my skin is great!  That is my first sign my PCOS symptoms are returning... breakouts!  Fingers are crossed for this month!

Oh ya... I was on BCP for about 4 months after giving birth.  I hated it.  I totally lost my libido and vowed to NEVER get back on BCP's ever (unless we do IVF again!).  So, yes, that means we are not preventing either!  I figure Rocco and Maximus were such miracles and if we conceive again, that baby would be a miracle.  We aren't "trying" but if it happens... :-)