Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Break down... then prayer.

I am emotionally drained.  I have been trying to stay so strong for my lil guys that I haven't really been feeling my emotions.  I have probably been stuffing them deep down.  Today was the break down.

Today was Rocco's Pre-op.  The doctor basically wanted to make sure he was still nice and healthy and ready for surgery.  We received paper work and were told when to be at the surgery center... 8am and surgery isn't until 915!!!  I am very upset about the time, since we will have one VERY hungry lil boy!  However, Saturday cannot come soon enough, so we can hopefully be able to move on from this.

Friday I have to take Rocco to have blood work done.  That is not going to be fun either.  Basically this whole process is just HORRIBLE and no baby should have to be put through this.

As hard as I'm trying to be strong... I'm scared.  How hard we worked to have these babies, how hard we prayed for these babies, there is no way God will take him from me, right?  These thought start creeping in my head... I know I need to be positive.  I need to stop thinking the worst thoughts! But they start coming.

My father in law came with me to todays appointment and then took us out to lunch which was nice.  By the time we got home, I really just needed to be alone.  I put the boys down for their nap and then went to my bedroom and shut the door... and cried.

Now I'm downstairs blogging.  Getting my feelings out.  Praying.  I have done more praying than I have in a long time.  Trying to have faith that God will protect our son...

So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. Matt 10:31 NIV

This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9 NLT

When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. Psalm 56:3 NIV

They do not fear bad news; they confidently trust the Lord to care for them. Psalm 112:7 NLT

Dear Lord God,  you are my everything.  I put all of my faith and trust in you!  You have blessed me with so much, saved my life so many times.  I now lift up my son Rocco to you Lord.  He is your child first and my child second.  Thank you for in trusting me with caring for him.  Lord, I know you have great plans for his life, I pray that he is protected by you so that he may fulfill his purpose Lord.  I pray for his health and his safety.  I pray that his doctor will give him the best care possible and get out what needs to be taken out.  Lord, please comfort Rocco for he doesn't understand what is happening.  Give him strength and for him to feel your peace while going through the procedures that need to be done.  Please Lord also be with C and I.  Give us the peace and comforting that we need to also get through this and to know you are with us and our son.  If it is your will, Lord, keep our son healthy and we pray that there is no cancer found in his perfect body that you created.   We praise you for blessing us with this special, loving, sweet, sensitive, strong, curious, and intelligent boy that has changed our lives forever.  He is such a gift!  Thank you, Amen.


Our Journey Through This Lovely Life said...

Praying with you and praying for you!

cstelle said...

I am thinkg of you alot!! it is not easy waht so going through. You are in my prayers and thoughts!!! big hugs xx

Amanda said...

Of course it is natural for you to be feeling this way. And you are right- no baby should have to go through this, but he is so young that he will never have any memory of it.
I'll be praying for you.

tommyswifey6201 said...

I just came
Blog I'm praying for
Your little
Rocco! May the lord
Watch over him
& keep
Him safe. All
Will be ok believe in your heart:)

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