"Perfect, Perfect, Perfect..."

were the words of Dr. R at my 8 week ultrasound.  These words were music to my ears!  However, soon after that I was in tears, which was completely unexpected!

Thursday night at 3am I woke up with a horrible migraine.  This was the third one this week!  I tossed and turned in bed til about 4, then decided to head down stairs and read, so I didn't wake my sleeping husband.  I googled headaches in early pregnancy, found that it was "normal" with the high amount of estrogen floating in my body.  There is nothing I could do about it.  No amount of Tylenol helps!  I finally fell back asleep at 440am and slept til 715. 

C woke up and said I should cancel our appointment since I wasn't feeling well and because Dr. R said we could skip this week if we wanted.  After calling my mom (who is a Labor and Delivery nurse!), she said it might be best to go in since I'm having headaches.  I moved my appointment to 9, C decided he couldn't go because he had a client coming in, so I went alone.

Regardless of feeling like crap, I was really excited to see the babies.  I knew from looking at my friends recent u/s that at 8 weeks, the babies would start to look like babies.  Dr. R got the babies on the ultra sound and this is what I saw... two beautiful babies with distinguishable features and hearts beating faster than ever!
"Perfect, Perfect, Perfect..." replied Dr. R.  He gave me a hug and said this would be our last appointment.  He wanted my OB's phone number so he could send her a letter explaining her new patient... ME!  In Dr. R's embrace, the tears began!  I couldn't explain why I was crying... at first! 

After getting dressed, I left the room and was welcomed with a "congratulations" by all of the nurses.  The tears continued falling.  I realized then that I graduated, and that is why I was crying... tears of joy!  I am no longer an infertile patient, but a patient moving on.  I am ready to embrace this pregnancy a normal pregnant woman would... with an OB!

Here is what they left me with...

                       Our precious Twins at 8 weeks 1 day

Cooking...

has been a problem for me lately and I feel like a bad wife.  I don't have morning sickness, I have NIGHT sickness.  Dinner foods totally gross me out!  Finally, the other day, I thought spaghetti and meatballs sounded good.  So I went to Trader Joes and picked up what I needed, because I was sure I was going to be able to eat it!  WRONG!  While I was cooking, all of the smells were too much.  I was craving a bowl of cereal... my go to food!  I can only eat plain foods and I feel like a carboholic, actually.  My hubby enjoyed the spaghetti while I enjoyed my cereal!  There has got to be better options!?

I am in desperate need of "morning sickness" dinner ideas.  If anyone out there has any suggestions, please leave a comment, before my husband leaves me (just kidding!)!


P.S.  Thanks you all so much for the LOVELY comments on our lil twinnies!  I LOVE reading every one of them!! xoxo

7 weeks...

I tried posting on Friday after my 7 week ultrasound, but I've been having issues with the computer... sorry!

   Baby A (x's, couldn't tell which was head or butt)        Baby B (h-head, b-butt)

Babies looked amazing! We were actually able to see them this time. Baby B’s  (on the right) head and little arms and leg buds were distinguishable. Baby A was not in a good position so we weren’t able to see any arms or legs. Both of there hearts were pumping about 120 bpm which is right on track for healthy babies. I do have to say and for some reason I didn’t want to write about it, but I was a little worried last week because the heartbeats were only at 80+ bpm. Dr. R said they were perfect because they JUST started beating. Unfortunately, prior to my last appointment I googled 6 week heart rates and that was on the low end. However, they DO start beating at 6 weeks! All that worrying for nothing!




Dr. R said they were “PERFECT!” He said we can skip next week if we want, but our last appointment with them is at 9 weeks. Its bitter sweet. I am ecstatic to move on to be a “normal” pregnant woman, but then its sad because these people grow on you (and you get used to all the attention)!

Symptoms... more and more tired!  Friday night we went to dinner with friends.  I was ready for bed by 630, but met them anyways.  I also learned a lesson... DON'T LET NON PREGNANT PEOPLE PICK THE RESTAURANT!  I couldn't eat ANYTHING on the menu!  It was a "fancy" restaurant, so they didn't have a lot of options.  I can't eat steak, chicken breast or fish... it all sounds disgusting.  Solid meat grosses me out (I do eat shredded chicken or beef though)!  For appetizers, they ordered beef carpaccio (raw beef), which I can't eat, and a cheese platter, which I also couldn't eat (soft cheeses).  So I had a cup of butternut squash soup and a dinner roll.  I ordered a salad too, but couldn't eat it.  Ever since 7 weeks (Friday) I have also been nauseated on and off throughout the day.  No puking... yet!   I can only eat plain foods now :-/  Good news is that my chest acne (pregnancy rash?) is almost completely cleared!  All those hormones and my body is finally getting used to them.

One of my really good friends is in labor and is most likely pushing as week speak.  I just got a text an hour ago saying she was 9cm.  I am excited to go visit them today!  I'll also get to see L&D, same hospital I'll be delivering at!

I have a ton of catching up to do for ICLW...  I have been feeling horrible the last two days!  I better get to commenting

Progress...

is being made.  Not in the hunger department, unfortunately.  I was up at 5am again this morning and hungry.  I even ate a little bowl of cereal before bed to ensure that I would be able to sleep in... nope!  These babies are hungry babies.  I know part of it is that I need to eat more.  Sometimes its hard because NOTHING sounds good.  I have added orange juice to my diet for the added calories. This is new because I would never "drink my calories" before.  I would always eat the fruit... less calories!  Now I need them.

Back to progress... I am becoming a much more confident pregnant woman instead of an infertile pregnant woman!  Here are some of the things I'm proud of:

• I'm not googling obsessively.  I am actually finding it really hard to think of things to google when I try.
• I'm not worried about Jinxing this pregnancy.  I have let go of the fear of losing one of the babies (vanishing twin).  I realize that if that were to happen, it would be because of a chromosomal problem and that is completely out of my control.
• I started prenatal yoga at a studio with a bunch of VERY pregnant women.  Yes, I kind of felt like an impostor because I am not sporting a belly (just a pooch), but I don't care.  I am doing whats good for me and my babies!  They say its best to start in the first trimester, so I did! Yesterday was my first class and I absolutely LOVE IT! This was my boldest move so far... huge!
• For my birthday, one of my good friends gave me onsies and receiving blankets.  It really freaked me out.  I wasn't able to look at them since I opened them and they stayed in the gift bag.  Yesterday I was able to lay them out on the bed, and put them away.  I didn't freak out... I got excited!  Progress!
• I'm feeling less anxious about my next ultrasound.  And waiting in general.
• I started using stretch mark cream.  Mostly for my boobs which are the main things growing.
• and I made my 8 week appointment with my OB!

I know its a lot.  But I am just trying to have faith.  I can't live in fear, so I'm moving forward!  I have to believe that everything is going to be okay.  I am not superstitious, so I don't believe I can "jinx it."  I believe God has a plan and what ever is meant to be will be.  There is nothing I can do that will change the inevitable.  All I can do is take care of my body by getting good nutrition, getting exercise, and getting enough rest.  So that is what I'm doing!

I forgot to mention that I am down to ONE progesterone suppository a day (from three) and I am off the vivelle estrogen dots (since Friday).  At Fridays u/s, Dr R checked my levels and my progesterone was at 60 and estrogen was over 2000!  I'm assuming those are good.  I did three days of two suppositories and yesterday was my first day of one.  It is a little nerve racking, but I'm trusting they know whats right.  I will have my blood drawn again Friday.

I'm currently 6 weeks and 4 days.  New symptoms?  Not really.  (tmi) My Nipples are starting to look a little different, a little more pronounced.  One I forgot to mention that I've had since four weeks... chest acne (yuck!).  My mom says its pregnancy rash. They are tiny red bumps, not too noticeable for others, but I think its disgusting.  Obviously, I'll take 'em!  But it doesn't mean I have to LOVE every symptom :)

Two heartbeats...

and they were beautiful!  We were able to see little flickers for each babe.  I am shocked at how much my lil babe's have grown in one week!  And whats even more unbelievable is that I am officially sporting a pooch!  I tried to suck it in the other night while checking myself out in the mirror and the only thing the budged was my upper stomach!  The pooch wouldn't move!  I had no idea how soon this would all happen, but with two I guess it happens twice has fast!  I called C in to show him.  I said, "look how cool this is..."  He laughed and rubbed my baby belly!  We are loving every minute of it, including my new pooch! =)

I have had so much to write about each day this week, but for some reason, I couldn't get myself over to the computer to blog about it!  I'm sorry,  I've been really tired and a little unmotivated.

So, C already is mimicking my pregnancy symptoms!  Its hilarious!  I say, "I feel nauseated." He says, "I FEEL nauseated!"  I say "I have a headache." He says, "I HAVE a headache!"  I say, "I'm exhausted." He says, "I'm EXHAUSTED!"  To top it off, this morning he woke up to pee at 430am then had to pee again at 6am and then says, "I feel like I have to pee all the time now, I'm so pregnant!"  I was laughing hysterically!!!  I have been teasing him about it all week because he's taking credit away from how I'm feeling! But its okay, he is just excited and I LOVE that he is just as excited as I am =)

I just tried uploading the u/s, but its not letting me for some reason.  I'll try later.

*** Updated***

Here's the 6 week ultrasound... babies are inbetween the o's.  Both sacs are actually the same size, but to get a good shot of the baby on the right, it cut off some of the sac.

Its crazy how much they have grown in one week!

Happy 30th Birthday...

to me!  Well today is my 30th Birthday!  I never thought I would feel so good turning this age.  For some reason, turing 25 was very difficult for me, so a just assumed 30 would be worse.

Maybe its because I am at a very good place in my life.  I'm settled, more than happily married to the love of my life, I have a home, two fur babies who make me smile every day, a wonderful loving and supportive family, a good relationship with the Lord, and now two blessings on the way.  I don't have too much to complain about!  I feel very blessed and and excited for 30! This year is going to be good!

5 weeks 2 days...

and I'm thinking I'm starting to get twinges of nausea.  It has been coming in short waves the past week, usually lasting seconds.  Last night C and I went to dinner with friends and it started after dinner (eeew...I feel sick if I think of what I ate!) and has continued til now.  Its not horrible full blown nausea, but just ickiness that sometimes makes me want to gag (again...especially thinking of last nights dinner! gag!).

After finding out we were having TWINS, I was living in utter bliss.  Then shear terror kicked in!  Not because we are having twins and I didn't think I could handle them, but OMGoodness, I can NOT lose one of these/my babies!  They are mine, I love them, and I am so attached to both!  I spent a day googling (I know, shame on me! *slap on hand*).  And at first it made my fears so much worse, but in the end I have, once again, released it, so I can just be happy (again!).

Every time a negative thought pops in my head, I cover it with a positive one, "my babies are going to grow healthy and strong!" And that puts a smile on my face.  So, no more worries, just utter bliss, and being so grateful for these TWO miracles we have, who I thank God for every day!

Thank you so much for your support and kind words of encouragement (and knocking some sense into me Rosachka!)  I love it!  You ladies are the BEST!!!!

My 5 week symptoms update:

-sore boob, blue veins, very full, much more sore than last week (is that possible?)
-twinges of queasiness/nausea, eating doesn't help I still feel sick
-STARVING! I woke up at midnight the other night for a snack (first time!) Other wise, I have been waking up at 6am and HAVE to eat! I'm eating for three now!
-horrible/annoying dull headaches.  But I haven't taken anything for them because they come and go all day
-less cramping, but still there occasionally and also those "stabbing vag pains," both less often
-I can usually do one big thing per day, then I have to either take a rest or nap.  I'm also exhausted by 630, but try to stay up til 9.  Friday night I was asleep by 745, but that's the night I had to eat at midnight.

That's all I can think of right now.  I was really worried about this hunger, I don't want to get fat, just be all belly!  But, I am just listening to my body (babies).  If their hungry, mama's got to feed them :)

One baby... no wait!

Two sacs, two yolk sacs, and measuring pretty close.  We are more than excited, but staying cautiously optimistic.  We are praying they both make it (no vanishing twin please!)!!!!  Please pray for my BABIES! 

I gave Dr. R a big hug when I saw him.  He was so happy for us.  And even joked about my septum, "Should took that septum out, huh?"  I guess he was right!  He showed me my septum on the screen, the babies are not attached to it, thank GOD!  However they are both on the right side of my uterus.  The good news, is that with the two surgeries, my septum is only 1/3 of the uterus and very thin.  He doesn't think its going to be a problem, my uterus will stretch and so will the septum. 

When Dr. R began typing on the screen, "Home for the F. (our last name) twins to be, 5 weeks" I started to cry, tears of joy!  C and I are so blessed and God is so so good!

4 weeks 5 days...

I hope this isn't too premature, but I went to Barns and Nobles and got a new pregnancy book!  I already got "What to Expect..." over 2 1/2 years ago, when we first started TTC.  I finally took it off the shelf... again!  I like that book, it has a lot of good information, but this new book is AMAZING!

Pregnancy Day by Day...

a look inside...

I just purchased it today, so I haven't really got into it too much yet.  But, what I love about it is that it gives, "a day-by-day account of pregnancy with detailed explanations of the physical and emotional changes that take place in your body along with fascinating insights into how your baby develops within the uterus."  It shows an actual picture each day of the baby... starting from ovulation!  There are tons of pics, tips, for each day!

I'm so excited to start reading it.  I feel like its really going to help me with the waiting times between ultra sounds, dr appts., etc!

***

Something else I really wanted to write about...

I was having a lot of issues with fear, before pregnancy and now with pregnancy.  Prior, I would think, if I could just GET pregnant, I would be okay.  Then I would know I can at least conceive.  Now that I'm pregnant, I have been fearful of losing these babies!  I was thinking, once I see BETA #2, I'll be okay, and then Ultrasound #1... then #2... and so on.

I was with one of my IRLF (in real life friends) yesterday, and was talking to her about this.  She had also dealt with pregnancy loss then IF from PCOS.  She reminded me that this can go on FOREVER, even after the babies come!  Of course I don't want that!  She reminded me that I needed to give God the power, let Him carry my burdens.  So that's what I did.

Sometimes I forget this, but usually, when something is weighing me down, I would imagine the cross on a hill and me pushing a duffel bag (my baggage) with whatever the issue is, labeled to it.  For example, "Infertility" or now, "my babies."  I have to say... a huge weight has been lifted.  I was praying yesterday and imagined pushing "my babies" to the cross.  I prayed... and I prayed... and I prayed.  I'm sure I will have to pray more about this.  But its so nice that we don't have to do this alone, He is there to carry our "stuff."

Margorie Schricker, 1916-2011 forever loved forever missed...

In spite of all of this good news, I am saddened with the death of my Grandmother, Margorie Schricker.  She passed away the other night, pretty suddenly.  The part that hurts the most is that I wasn't able to tell her I was pregnant.  She had been praying for us for such a long time and as soon as we found out we conceived, she passed.

She was 94 years old, living in Wisconsin.  She got a cold that went into her lungs and it took her in one night.  The good news is that she didn't feel any pain, she was on morphine.  She is now with our Lord in Heaven and also with my Grandfather, who died four years ago, also at 94.

Her funeral was today, and because I am newly pregnant, we thought it would be best if I didn't travel.  I also feel that my Grandma would have wanted it that way.  However, I felt like I was there in spirit.  I mourned for her death and celebrated her life.  She was an amazing woman with so much love to give.  I only hope that I may be like her one day.  I love you Grandma!


"And He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away."

--Revelation 21:4

4 weeks 3 days symptoms...

and I'm having lots of symptoms.  At first I thought that waking up in the middle of the night was just because I was excited, now I'm sure its hunger.  This is really nuts though.  I am BARELY pregnant... how can I be so hungry already?  I'm going to try really hard to listen to my body eat when hungry, eat nutritious foods, and not gain a gazillion pounds, just enough.

I can say that I'm not over eating at least.  Maybe that's why I'm hungry in the middle of the night.  Last night I woke up to pee at 330.  I tossed and turned til 4 and then I had to listen to my stomach.  I had a small cup of cereal and milk, was back in bed by 410 and fell right asleep.  Its got to be this pregnancy.  The only day I didn't have that happen so far is when we stayed the night at my parents.  I always eat a lot there... comfort food!

I know these are not related to the P4 because they all started going away days before my first Beta then started reappearing...Other things, my boobs are sorer than ever!  It hurts to walk down the stairs, my dad gave me a hug and I almost died from pain, and they are just really tender to touch (hands off C!).  Also I get sharp pains in them, like growing pains on and off.  (TMI) I am having these "stabbing vagina pains," which come and go.  They are really quick but are painful.  I googled it and it said that it may be ligaments and muscles moving and changing.  Other than that I'm just tired, still have cramps on and off, and headaches that come and go.

Good news!  My prenatal ultrasound got moved to Friday and I'll be exactly 5 weeks!  Four more days!  I was excited that it was going to be on my Bday, but I figure this is still an amazing Bday present.  Who doesn't like an early surprise?

Lastly, I want to thank you so much for all of the comments and support!  I love reading them and I also read them to C.  He also loves hearing them.  I look forward to sharing this journey with you.  I hope I didn't scare anyone off with our good news, but understand if you can no longer follow.  This has been such a long road, and I know we still have a ways to go and are not out of the woods yet!  I know that won't come until I'm holding my baby!  Anyways, thanks again! 

Beta #2 11dp5dt!!!

I'm actually sitting here waiting for the call, on pins and needles.  I do have faith that its going to be good but I have moments of fear and doubt.  When I do, I pray.  I've actually been praying like crazy the last couple days.  Praying for God to protect my baby(ies), help them to continue to grow and be safe inside me.  When fear creeps in, I pray that God takes that feeling away.  It helps.

C and I weren't planning on telling anyone besides my parents since we spilled the beans about IVF a few days ago, but we were too excited!  We have never been pregnant before, we are so happy, we want to share our joy, and we want lots of prayer for our babies. 

I called my parents right away.  I didn't tell them that we moved the Beta up to Friday, so we were potentially able to surprise them if the news was good.  My mom answered the phone and we asked if she wanted to come out here tomorrow for the Rose Bowl and dinner.  She put the phone on speaker phone so my dad could hear.  I asked again, and my dad wasn't sure.  I responded, "well I think you should come and celebrate, BECAUSE WE'RE PREGNANT!!"  My mom burst into tears, just like I did.  I could tell my Dad got a little emotional too!  They were so happy!  We ended up going out there because our house is still freezing.  We get our new heater installed tomorrow, thank God!

It was nice visiting.  I slept better out there actually because the last two days, I woke up at 5am and couldn't go back to sleep... too much excitement!  I slept til 7am today and went to bed at 830.  I was so exhausted last night I could barely keep my eyes open!  I think part of it was lack of sleep and part was pregnancy!  I know its so early to "feel" anything, but I do, which makes me worried about the future! 

My brother and sis-in-law came over yesterday as well.  We wanted to surprise them with the news.  They were happy for us and are so excited that their new baby, Sasha, is going to have a playmate.  He (no Sasha is my Nephew) was born Sept 29.  So they'll be close in age.

We also called C's parents, which they are extremely happy.  C's step-mom never had kids so she has been WAITING for grand babies.  I was always worried I wouldn't be able to give them to her.

My only fear is that we told people a little prematurely.  I am so scared about this second Beta #.  I am praying they are okay (I'm going to say they until we know how many since we implanted two).

Here are my "babies" first pics (finally)...

This is the early blastocyst

a little blurry, but this is the 4aa blast (not sure what that line is?)

Here's how they were made!

 

Sooo glad I didn't POAS before the Beta.  I took this after my 176 BETA!  Those Internet cheapies SUCK!  But there is a second line!  First one EVER! 9dp5dt

*****

Just got off the phone with Tressa!!!  Beta #2... 692!!  We are more than thrilled!  I was so worried for nothing!  Praise the Lord!  I have my first prenatal ultrasound (What!?  I can't believe those two words are coming from my mouth!  Prenatal Ultrasound!?  Me?) scheduled on my 30th Birthday... January 10!  I will be 5 weeks and we will be looking for the gestational sac(s).  Can't wait to find out how many!  I will be happy with one or two, just praying they are healthy!  I don't have any more Beta's scheduled.  I will be seeing them once a week now!!! Yay!

The crazy part is that this is when my first beta was supposed to be!  I would have FREAKED  if this was my first Beta #... 692!  Crazy!