1dp6dt IVF #3

Still on bedrest!  Really trying to take this rest serious!  Thankfully I've had some help with my boys today and my mom stayed all day yesterday and put them down last night.  

So far, I don't feel anything other than some minor twinges and crampy feelings on an off, hoping thats a good sign! My bb's are not sore at all from the progesterone yet.  I was so so bloated from ER, but that is almost gone, and I pray it comes back!  Bloating is my #1 pregnancy sign!

I have a bunch of internet cheepies so a took a test to see if trigger was still there and there was a tinge of a line so I know it is.  We did only did a 5000iu trigger so hopefully it will be gone soon and then I can see those tests get darker!  If we do get a positive, I am going to try really hard NOT to get excited.  I have to guard my heart. After two losses, its hard, it changes you.  We just want to see a heartbeat!  First things first though... burrow in deep little ones! 

stick stick stick! IVF #3

Last night (and the last few days), I was filled with anxiety and fear, questioning if we were doing the right thing, attempting to having more babies, and how many to transfer.  I really feel like the devil was at work and I was being spiritually attacked.  I tossed and turned couldn't sleep.  I prayed and prayed for peace and clarity on transferring one or two embryos.  I finally fell asleep when I felt that God answered me.  I was reminded that this whole cycle, I laid at His feet, like I did with the boys.  I let go and let God do his work.  So we decided that we are putting our faith in trust in the creator of life. I realized that no matter what we put in, God has the final say.  We can end up with no baby, one baby or two!  I fell asleep at that thought and felt sure we were doing the right thing.

I ended up having a terrible dream that Dr. A only transferred one and left the other one in the dish and it was going to be destroyed.  I was beyond devastated!  More confirmation we needed to transfer both!
Last night Rocco did the most precious thing at dinner, he prayed the most sincere prayer on his own. He stopped eating and said "we need to pray mommy."  He closed his eyes put his two hands together and said, "Dear Lord, please put two babies in mommy's tummy, one for Maximus and one for me." My heart completely melted.  Lord hear his prayer!

We are finally PUPO!  PUPO With the best two blasts I've ever seen!  A 6AA completely hatched embryo and an almost completely hatched AA embryo (Kristine our embryologist said it was like a 5 1/2 AA)! They were so big they couldn't capture their whole picture! What a blessing! We are so thankful! Thank you for all of your prayers! Now we just need some sticky vibes for these two beauties 😍😍

taken right before transfer, valium kicking in! :)

We had the most stressful  time getting to the transfer!  I was 15 minutes late!  Every light was red going down the freeway, the onramp was closed to the freeway we had to take another detour, horrible LA traffic, more red lights off the freeway. I was a stress case and so thankful for the valium!

Our embabies!  The top on is the 6AA, the bottom is the almost 6AA :))

Day FIVE Embryo Update! IVF #3

You guys I'm in tears! After all we have been through years and years of trying, BFN's, two miscarriages, so many hoops, trials, two other IVF's, never once did we get one hatching blast on day five! I'm blown away a by the goodness of God, that he has given us some beautiful embryos....

👉🏻SIX hatching blasts
👉🏻TWO expanded
👉🏻SEVEN early
👉🏻FOUR morula's

My twins were and expanded blast and an early blast on day six! So I know the grading does not necessarily mean everything! But I know from this, that we are SO much closer to completing our family! I praise God so much for his faithfulness. He has never left my side.

We are transferring TWO at 10:30 tomorrow! Prayers that the right embryos get put back, and they take!


From Day three...
25 Fertilized
1 stopped dividing
3 aren't six cell yet
21 are 6-8 cells!

Twenty Five!!!! IVF #3

We've got embabies! Praise God!!!! I've really been praying, putting all of this in Gods hands! His will, not mine!

For IVF # 2 we were very concerned about having extra embryos. We had 37 eggs retrieved, but we only ICSI'd seven of them, from that we got five blasts! I was relieved that we only ICSI'd seven! However, my RE made me do a freeze all bc of my high E2 numbers. I had no idea what was going to come of it! I did not know that all we would get was two babies in heaven and three BFN's. It was a year of trials and heartbreak. We were planning on only doing one last IVF. We thought for sure it would have worked bc it did us the first time! IVF #1 we were given a 1% chance of working, but we found out our diagnosis and we were blessed with our twin boys!

This IVF # 3, we never planned on. I do feel the Lord has been leading us this whole time! I have felt his presence, his guidance. I am also very sure this is our last and final try to complete our family, baby or no baby.

Instead of trying to 'control' the outcome of our embryos, I am TRUSTING the Lord, that he knows what he is doing. The creator of life has them in His hands. I have let go and let God do his thing.
As hard as that is to do, I think that has been my biggest lesson during all of our Infertility struggles, letting go of control and TRUSTING in the creator! What a relief for us that we can do that! Let him carry our burdens and do all the work! :) thank you God for these 25 growing embryos! I trust in your great plan for them, and our family! 🙏🏻❤️ now #growgrowgrow

Thirty Two!

32! I'm resting with my feel up at home. The pain is starting to kick in again and I was given a prescription of Vicodin. Hoping to pop one and take a nap!

Here is the odd thing... Many of my follicles contained multiple eggs! One contained 5 eggs 😳 multiples do run in the family. My great grandmother had two sets of twins. I think if we didn't have IF, I would be a twin maker! :)) Glory to the most high! He is with me!❤️

Sims day 8, 9, 10! IVF #3

So, I've started an IF Instagram if you want to follow me on there too (twinmommaSara_ttc)!  I'm posting on both places.  This one I'm more detailed on my emotions and what is going on with everything.  But, I post more on there... pics etc.  Instagram is has an amazing support group for infertility, IVF, and all things TTC.  The hashtag #IVFsisters is a great one to connect!  Its also fun following other sisters who are cycling the same time as you.

I added my fourth shot!  Here is my latest meds list:

5 iu lupron

1cc menaBURN (I say that bc it burns!)

1 cc HGH (Human Growth Hormone)

150 iu gonal-f 

This day was awesome.  I was still feeling good.  I had to go to the RE to have them mix up the Saizen (HGH) and get my third shot of the day in the morning.  When we (the boys and I) came back home, my friend Crystal came over with her kiddos.  It was such a beautiful day!  I heated up the pool for the kids to swim, while we lounged outside in the sun.  The pic above was taken at the boys t'ball game.  They were exhausted!  After the game they told me they didn't like baseball anymore, I honestly don't like it.  Its so demanding and my kids are only four!  I signed them up only for my husband who loves it!

I have one lead follicle measuring 20mm and another bunch measuring 16 and another bunch measuring 13.  Dr is going to ignore the lead follicle, pray it doesn't ovulate.  It shouldn't since i'm still on lupron.  We are going for the second bunch.  My E2 rose to 1900 so I'm starting the OHSS diet... staying away from carbs, sugars, and eating lots of fats, veggies, salt.  I'm adding himalayan salt to my water and drinking coconut water.

We went to a friend of the boys bday party.  I came home so exhausted! I started drinking the electrolyte water, but not the diet so much for lunch bc there weren't many options.  I cam home, my belly hurting and I was so tired.  Last night for dinner I just ate a burger no bun and salad.  I woke up feeling so much better.

Stims day 10!  This was from this morning.  I was hoping I would be ready to trigger, but I wasn't counting on it.  I've had to swim for 11 days the last two times.  Follicles are growing...

The one with the X is my lead follicle which is already at 26!  Its probably going to get over ripe ;)  but that is okay!  We are triggering tomorrow night!!!  I was thinking we were going to have less eggs, but I'm not so sure!  My Estrogen rose again from 1900 to 3200... OHSS here I come! :(  Just praying my diets helps!

 I will leave you with a pic from today of my free-spirited child, Maximus.  I just love him so much!

Stims Day SEVEN! IVF #3

I went in for another follicle and E2 check!  Still waiting for my E2 levels... praying they don't get too high!  But as for my follicles, my RE is very happy!  Everything is growing well and she keeps comparing this cycle with the one that worked!  I'm on much lower meds.  I was taking 225 iu of Gonal and now I'm only taking 150 iu.  Today my follicles (about 20 of them) were measuring 10mm to 13mm and one was at 15mm and lining was already at 10!

Starting tomorrow, I'm going in daily!  They want to closely monitor me and make sure I don't over stim.  Well actually, I am not going in for a monitoring appt, but they are going to show me how to mix and inject the HGH (Human Growth Hormone).  So starting tomorrow my poor belly will be taking FOUR injections a day :(  I'm getting so sensitive too.  I am hesitating with each shot because they are really starting to hurt.  I am full of tiny holes and bruises.

My RE thinks I will be ready for trigger Monday or Tuesday which will be 10 or 11 days of stims. ER will likely be Wednesday or Thursday!  Yippee!!!  I can't wait!

Today I'm feeling a bit headachy, with aching ovaries.  I'm also exhausted but that could just be from spending the whole day at Disneyland!  C is gone to Nevada for a work conference, so the boys and I have been staying busy... Aquarium Wednesday, Disney Thursday, and today rest! Zzzzzz....

I will admit, I've been having mixed emotions.  I was talking to one of my gf's about having more kids.  She is D-O-N-E and happy with her two girls.  At moments, I do feel like I could be done too and question myself trying again.  The boys are getting older and the thought of starting all over does worry me a bit.  I've also thought about the fact that we will likely have extra embryo's.  What will we do with them?  Traveling with two kids is a piece of cake, what if we have twins again?  Will we still be able to travel?  I do think part of the reason I want more is because I've only had one pregnancy and I've wanted to experience it one more time!  Not to mention I love my boys so freakin much, and I feel like I have more love to give!

In any regard, I am moving forward.  Looking forward to seeing what God will do... :)

I will update with my E2 level once I get the call

Stims Day FIVE! IVF #3

I took this pic after leaving my RE! I went in worried because I thought they didn't order me enough Gonal-F, but to my surprise my favorite nurse, Patty, blessed me with a FREE gonal-F pen! She had it saved for me because sometimes the reps come in with samples. So sweet! We are paying 100% out of pocket so this was sure a blessing and a huge surprise!

Everything is going great! Estrogen rose to from 71 Monday to 280 today, and I have at least 10 follies on each ovary measuring from 7-10mm :) I'm guessing 5-6 more days of stims, this is going quick!

Once they get to 14mm we are adding Saizen HGH  (Human Growth Hormone) for three days to help with egg quality, which will hopefully be this weekend! :) It's getting real ladies... And I'm gettin excited again. I've been just going through the motions, scared to get my hopes up to fail again. But we have to have hope, at least a little 🙏🏻❤️

My current meds...
AM: Lupron 5iu
        Menapur 1cc
PM: Gonal-F 150u (bumped up from 100 Monday after my 71 estrogen level)


Here are a few more pics of my week!

Mixing my MenaBURN!  I forgot how much this stuff burns!  I just inject super slow and its much better.

My mornings... ;)

Day 3 I woke up with a migraine.   Thankful for my littles who kept me company on the couch.  Its all those extra hormones!

I've been eating super clean!  Green juices daily!

GROWING THOSE EGGS!!!

Lets Do This! IVF#3

Just finished my last day of Lupron!  Woot woot!!

Lining Check... DONE!
Bloodwork... DONE!

See my twins behind the dildo cams?  They are such good boys!

I've been pretty good on the lupron except for the last few days.  I've been super emotional.  It has not helped that my brother and his girlfriend just announced that they are "accidentally" expecting.  Hearing my moms joy for this new baby to be just broke me.  Everyone knows what we have been through this past year, so much loss and heartbreak.  She knows we are going through IVF again.  It made me want to STOP sharing my story with anyone.  NO one gets the pain.  No one knows what its like to go through IF.  This just makes me want to keep it all in, and share with only my IVF and IF sisters.

Everyone is just so excited over this baby, which I know i will love too, but the timing couldn't be more terrible.  Here we are, married, doing what is 'right', and they accidentally get knocked up, while i go and give my self drugs, shots in the gut!  She didn't even want kids.  When I said congrats to her, she was like, 'haha ya thanks.'  She has no idea the gift she has been given.

My heart breaks, but I am holding on to a tiny bit of hope for us, for my boys, who are also praying a baby!

Tomorrow is going to be DAY 1 for stims!  Here is what my meds are...

AM-baby aspirin, 5iu lupron, 1 cc menopur

PM- 100iu gonal-f

Last IVF I stimmed for 11 days.  I'm guessing it will be about the same!

LETS DO THIS!

Prayers for Rocco

Please pray for my boy!  We were up at 5:30 Am to get to the surgery center at 6:30am.  He needed to get tubes in his ears and his adenoids removed.

Mommy, Rocco, and Maximus taken just before surgery

The past year past year we have been dealing with a lot of sickness.  I couldn't understand why when we eat and live so organically, we keep getting sick!  I had horrible horrible allergies last year.  My sons were so sick.  I googled "my house is killing me," because literally I felt like it was.  I thought maybe I was allergic to my cat, maybe there was mold somewhere.  I tried every natural remedy out there... bee pollen, raw honey, essential oils, homeopathy, Chinese medicine.  I finally had to resort to claratin, and then when that stopped working, steroids.  The steroids were only a temporary solution to give my body a break and it was the best I felt in months.

I threatened my husband that I was going to move in to a hotel if it didn't get fixed.  I was desperate. Maximus had a constant little cough and would cough when he ran so we thought it was asthma, Rocco had allergies so bad, he was getting ear infections (my ear infection remedy works wonders and we have avoided antibiotics!) and his tonsils were touching in the back.  His nose was completely blocked.  He was snoring during sleep and couldn't breath out of his nose during the day.  One morning, during the worst of it, he came into my bed and fell back asleep next to me and I literally heard him stop breathing!  Sleep apnea at three and four years old, is never okay!  My husband was the only one totally healthy.

We all got allergy tested and I found out all three of us were allergic to dust mites.  I encased our mattresses, got allergy proof bedding and pillows, etc.  Going forward, I also had our air ducts in our home inspected.  We found out our air ducts were recalled in '98 and had holes in them, sucking attic air in and throughout our home. We installed all new air ducts AND an air scrubber.  It removes 99% of allergens in the home.  Maximus is now completely inhaler free and that little cough is gone (Praise Jesus!)!  Rocco was getting better too, but there were things that still needed to be addressed.

Since seeing an allergist, he caught something that I wasn't not aware of!  Rocco's ears were completely backed up with fluid.  He said having that much fluid in the ear has got to effect his hearing!  A light bulb went off for me!  Rocco does say, "I can't hear it! I can't hear it," about the TV, when I can hear it just fine!  Poor boy!  He sent me to an ENT (Ear nose throat dr.).

I was praying that by some miracle his ears would drain by the time we got there, but no such luck.  The doctor noticed that his adenoids were so swollen and blocking his nose too! Another light bulb!  That was why he couldn't blow out of his nose, was snoring, and not sleeping well.  I researched for days about this surgery, because this was worst case scenario.  There was a chance if we didn't do the adenoids with the ear tubes, we would need to go back again and do them.  I do feel that they were shrinking.  I had him close his mouth, breath in and out of each nostril and he could do it.  But then the other night he was still snoring.

Adenoids are like tonsils, they can cause more harm then good, and sadly for my boy they were doing just that.  The doctor said they were working over time, and thus, making him sick.  I read countless positive stories of, "this was the best thing I every did for my child,"  to "my child hasn't needed antibiotics in years since the surgery."  To me this was the best news!

Surgery is surgery.  It is scary!  And as much as I truly try to avoid western medicine and especially surgery, it does have its place.

Now, he is napping, and hopefully healing nicely.  We are praying for a speedy recovery and health!

Rocco post surgery.  He was shockingly smiling here, but it was really rough when he was waking up.  He was coughing , crying and disorientated.

At home resting today. Cuddling is the best medicine of all!

Day four of Lupron done!

IVF #3 is underway!  I received my box of meds (and it is STILL overwhelming seeing it all).  I took my last BCP two days ago and I'm on day four of Lupron.  I was feeling extremely exhausted and then I realized it was from the Claratin.  Dr. A had me start the antihistamine protocol again, but for how tired I was, I just had to stop!  I found THIS BLOG POST and I'm going to follow the protocol she gives from CCRM.  It is basically what my RE suggests, but starting it just before transfer...

The Claratin/pepcid protocol:
starting two days before transfer
5 mg prednisone twice a day (prescription steroid)
10 mg Claritin once a day
20 mg Pepcid in morning and at night

I have my prednisone prescription ready too!  

So, as for Egg Quality (and overall health), here is what I'm taking, 600 mg CoEnzymeQ10, Myo-Inositol, Vitamin D 5000iu, Garden of Life Raw Prenatals, Methyl-Folate, Prenatal DHA, baby asprin, Amazing Grass Green Superfood, and Vitamin C!  I was taking DHEA, but my face now looks like a 16 year old girl... totally broken out!  I quit that immediately!

One week from today I start my stims!  We are SOOOOO ready!  :)