Thursday, October 7, 2010


I just need to vent.  I have had an emotional day.  Not really anyone I know can relate to what I'm feeling at the moment, which only makes matters worse (Thank God for this BLOG).  I just kinda feel empty right now, which is the complete opposite of what I've been feeling for the past few weeks (aka on fire for Jesus! LOL).  Anyways, I have been so excited about my small group... lots of women, hopefully going to meet some amazing Christian friends, excited about the topic, etc.  Well it was all going well until today.  I went to what felt like a mom's group rather than a womens bible study. UGH!  So frustrating.    Yes, many of the questions were related to the bible, how we deal with life, etc., but the leader kept saying "what have attitudes do you want your children to learn from you" or "what have your children taught you ... CHILDREN, CHILDREN, CHILDREN (thats all I could hear after a bit)!"  I'm like I DON'T HAVE ANY FREAKIN KIDS LADY!!!   Obviously I did not say that.  But I did feel like screaming it and walking out.  The only reason I didn't was because I would look like a RAGING LUNATIC! ha!  Its sad, I'm sad. I feel like crying I'm so sad.  Part of me never wants to go back to this group, but I know I should because that is exactly what the devil would want.  Part of me wants to say something privately to the group leader about how she phrases the questions and if she could be a little more  sensitive to the INFERTILE of the group, but I know that is not technically fair since that is what the MAJORITY of the women are dealing with... children.  I'm not really sure what to do.  Prayer would be good... for you prayer warriors out there, please pray for me that God gives me the strength and the wisdom to get through this and so that I may have a better attitude during the meetings.  I know its not their fault.  They cannot help that they have children (One lady actually had her baby there!), they can't help that God has blessed them with the ability to concieve (so easily?).  Blah blah blah.  Ok I'm done.  That is my venting for the day.  I really needed to get this of my chest and talk to someone... anyone! ha!  I'm not sure there are even many readers, but this is me...being real.... venting.  Advice?  Would love some!!


Anonymous said...

Honey its going to be o.k. God probley look down on u and saw a wonderful woman that has love in her heart and is living right , and he said u know i think i want her to adopt a child just to test her out and see if she is ready for her own. this is a test sweet heart dont fail by complaning u dont have ur own then share all the love u have inside with a child that has no mom no one to love him or her. who said u had to deliver a child for it to be ur child. here is what i want u to try see how adoption works for u. get a very young baby and raise that child instead of being fustrated when there are children suffering out there , come on pull yourself together and help a child thats suffering today.

Sara said...

Dear anonymous... What God wants for my is between ME AND GOD. No one knows the desires of His heart for me. Have you adopted? Were you adopted? It seems as if you have an agenda here. Yes, adoption is good and right for some, but God has NOT laid that in my heart just yet. And if/when he does, THEN I will move forward with that.

Adoption doesn't come easy. Many couples wait years for a baby and some with many disappointments of adoptions not working out. It is so easy for people to say "just adopt" when they are not in the same circumstance. Before you go telling people dealing with IF to "just adopt", really think about what you are saying and how hurtful your words come across.

I thought about deleting your comment, but I felt I should respond to this.

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