The Plan...

is all set!  I went in to see Dr. R yesterday with C.  We dropped off the manly goods, then got the blood work done and out of the way.  C went first this time which I think was much better.   I had to run to the restroom really fast and when I got back, his face and lips were WHITE, and she hadn't even begun!  Thanks to the wonderful advice we received, I held his hand and began asking him about his work and what he needed to do today.  Distraction worked GREAT!  He even commented how good it was to be distracted and before he knew it it was over.  After I did my blood work, I went in to have the ultrasound done and waited.  Finally the nurse came in and let me know the news... I have to wait a month!  I guess the lab is down the last week of November and first week of December for cleaning.  I would have had to have my retrieval/transfer during that time.  I guess being on BCP's too long is not good for an IVF cycle either.  The way I look at it is I get the fresh and clean lab for our cycle... we'll be one of the first!

She took me in another room and took out a calendar and wrote down my new guesstimated IVF schedule...
                              -October 27- Start BCP's
                              -November 16th- last pill
                              -Novemeber 21- Start new pack of BCP's
                              -December 1- Start Lupron injections
                              -December 5-last BCP
                              -December 11- Start stims
                              -December 20-22 - Estimated Retrieval
                              -December 25-28- Estimated Transfer (yes Christmas Day included!)

Its really only two weeks later then we anticipated before.  I'm sure its going to fly by!

Once I got home, I was thinking about being on BCP's an extra month for nothing.  So, I thought, why not do clomid?  I even called to ask if it was okay.  As soon as I got off the phone I got a sick feeling, like that is the wrong decision.  I almost blogged about should I or shouldn't I do clomid this cycle?  But, I listened to my gut.  I am not doing it because I feel like it would be a waste.  I hated how 50 mg of clomid made me feel and doing a 100mg I'm sure would make me feel worse.  I didn't get all emotional and crazy on it, but I could feel my ovaries and I felt like they were going to explode sometimes.  I never felt that way with follistim.  Weird.  Anyways, also I just feel like C and I are on the right path again.  The decision of IVF just FEELS right. 

I started BCP's yesterday and I am excited, actually, to not have to think about again for a bit.  We get another little break... even though we have a lot of these lately!

I just came home from bible study and this weeks discussion was about being humble and how we are called to do so.  The major thing that resonated with me on this was that trying to do this IF on my own.  I have not been humble towards God in the past because I was trying to figure it all out on my own.  Basically, it was like I didn't NEED Him.  That is a major thing God has been working on me this past year.  Humbling myself to ask Him for strength, guidance, healing, His will, etc.  When we were going through IF treatments last year I relied too much on my doctor, too much on the Internet for answers, when I SHOULD have relied on God.  I left him out of the equation which only left me alone and depressed. 

This time... I have put God first in everything, this is the first time I really feel like we waited and God answered.  We didn't just JUMP into IVF we were led there (not saying its going to work the first time or ever).  I'm not sure what God is going to do here, there are a lot of possibilities and I know it may not work.  Part of going through this process may be for God to show us another avenue He wants us to take, or it may be to give us the child of our dreams.  The ONE thing I do know for sure is that I NEVER want to leave God out of the equation of my life again!