Thursday, October 28, 2010
She took me in another room and took out a calendar and wrote down my new guesstimated IVF schedule...
-October 27- Start BCP's
-November 16th- last pill
-Novemeber 21- Start new pack of BCP's
-December 1- Start Lupron injections
-December 5-last BCP
-December 11- Start stims
-December 20-22 - Estimated Retrieval
-December 25-28- Estimated Transfer (yes Christmas Day included!)
Its really only two weeks later then we anticipated before. I'm sure its going to fly by!
Once I got home, I was thinking about being on BCP's an extra month for nothing. So, I thought, why not do clomid? I even called to ask if it was okay. As soon as I got off the phone I got a sick feeling, like that is the wrong decision. I almost blogged about should I or shouldn't I do clomid this cycle? But, I listened to my gut. I am not doing it because I feel like it would be a waste. I hated how 50 mg of clomid made me feel and doing a 100mg I'm sure would make me feel worse. I didn't get all emotional and crazy on it, but I could feel my ovaries and I felt like they were going to explode sometimes. I never felt that way with follistim. Weird. Anyways, also I just feel like C and I are on the right path again. The decision of IVF just FEELS right.
I started BCP's yesterday and I am excited, actually, to not have to think about again for a bit. We get another little break... even though we have a lot of these lately!
I just came home from bible study and this weeks discussion was about being humble and how we are called to do so. The major thing that resonated with me on this was that trying to do this IF on my own. I have not been humble towards God in the past because I was trying to figure it all out on my own. Basically, it was like I didn't NEED Him. That is a major thing God has been working on me this past year. Humbling myself to ask Him for strength, guidance, healing, His will, etc. When we were going through IF treatments last year I relied too much on my doctor, too much on the Internet for answers, when I SHOULD have relied on God. I left him out of the equation which only left me alone and depressed.
This time... I have put God first in everything, this is the first time I really feel like we waited and God answered. We didn't just JUMP into IVF we were led there (not saying its going to work the first time or ever). I'm not sure what God is going to do here, there are a lot of possibilities and I know it may not work. Part of going through this process may be for God to show us another avenue He wants us to take, or it may be to give us the child of our dreams. The ONE thing I do know for sure is that I NEVER want to leave God out of the equation of my life again!