The results are in!!! Beta 11dp5dt FET#4

I've been pacing around all morning on pins and needles. We finally left to do some shopping. I told C that. He had to stay with me in case they called, but of course he was across the entire store when my phone rang! Eeeek!! To be honest with you all, I'm really surprised by the number, meaning I thought (and was hoping!) it would be higher! However, it is a solid #. With my twins my first Beta at 10dpt was 167, with my March pregnancy my first beta 10dpt was 33, and this beta 11dpt 126!!!!! God is so good! He is totally getting all the glory for this pregnancy! I know it's too early to tell, but I'm thinking singleton! And yes, my heart sinks a tiny bit knowing one may have not made it again.

For now, I will rejoice and be glad.... I'm pregnant!!! Next Beta is Monday!!

Thank you for all your kind messages, good vibes, and prayers! ❤️

BLOOD IS DRAWN! FET #4 11dp5dt

My blood is drawn! Praying for a high number!!!! Stay tuned!!!! Hoping this will be a VERY Happy Halloween! Prayers Appreciated!

9dp5dt FET#4

Where do I even begin? I feel that so much has happened!

So, I left you off at 3dpt, where I was having some doubts or fears on whether of not Assisted Hatching, AH, was done.  After posting my last post, I finally received a call from the embryologist and YES, AH was done!  I was so relieved!  And yes, I clearly know God is bigger than AH and he can do all things, but I also believe he gives us resources and direction, and we must also make an effort to see the miracles in our life.  AH was definitely on my heart and I am so glad is was done.  I slept good that night.

4dpt5dt I had a grand idea so as not to be tempted to POAS, I peed on the one FRER I had upstairs, knowing it would be negative, and just to get it out of the house.  I didn't want to be tempted at 7dpt and see a negative, because then I would want to quit all my meds again.

Well, around 4pm, I POAS.  My bladder was NOT full and I really had to squeeze it out, so to speak. I set it there, knowing I wouldn't see a thing.  Negative... no wait?  I could see something, but I really believed my eyes were playing tricks on me.  So I hid it and said I would look the next day.  The next morning I was waiting [in]patiently for C to get out of bed and make us tea down stairs.  He would not get out of bed!  Finally he did.  I ran over to the test, and could see that something again!  But I still was not 100%.  I though maybe a evap line or something? This was WAY too early to see something right!?

I came clean to C and showed Mr. Skeptical the test.  He said he could see it!!!! WHAT!?!?!  I thought for sure he would say I was crazy!  He said for me to go get another test to see!

I had to pee so I went to the store grabbed a box of FRER's (I'm so weak I know!), went to get my nails done so I went into they bathroom and POAS.  I wrapped it in a paper towel and put it away in my purse.  I sat there waiting.  At 5dp5dt, I got a faint but very clear BFP!!!!!  I was shaking and praising Jesus!!  I felt like I could scream, but I couldn't because I was in the nail salon!  I had to keep peaking at the test to make sure it was real!  I came home and told C, he was cautiously happy of course!

The following day, I excitedly took another test around 11am expecting to see a much darker line.  BAD MOVE.  First it had not even been 24 hours since the previous test and second, it was SO early still.  I gave it a few minutes and my heart sank.  The line looked SO light, like barely there light.  I was devastated.  All my hopes and dreams of growing our family flashed before my eyes, my heart sank.  I thought for sure this was a chemical.

I texted DH that we lost the baby, telling him it was a chemical pregnancy.  I know I should have waited til he got home, but I was devastated.

As the day went on, however, the test kept getting darker and darker, until it was darker than the day before!  I couldn't believe it!  This is why testing early can be very bad.  If my hcg level at 5dpt was 20 for example, it maybe would have been 30 by the next day, so it wouldn't have shown much change.  I texted DH, that I loved him and I vowed to do no more tests, which has held true!  He was relieved to find out the test was darker now too!

Since then, my pregnancy symptoms have been getting stronger and stronger to where I KNOW I am pregnant!YAY!!!  However, I still want to see that BETA number!  I feel like I can't totally rejoice, until after BETA... after what happened for FET #1 (a low Beta of 33).

How am I feeling now at 9dp5dt or should I say 4 weeks pregnant?  Very pregnant!  My stomach is SOOOOO bloated I cannot even button my pants.  I also have kind of a cramping/heavyness feeling and random pains on the sides, like ligament pains.  I have had waves of headaches since 3dpt.  They come and go every few minutes it seems, which is what I had with the boys.  My boobs just started getting sore a day or two ago and are fuller.  I have been super exhausted in the afternoon, but feel great in the morning.

I can't believe I have to wait TWO MORE DAYS until BETA!  It is torture!  This will be the first time, I am actually going to wait until designated BETA day, which will hopefully make it for a happy Halloween!

3dp5dt FET#4

The last couple days were a breeze... today, hormonal mess!  I feel ultra sensitive, ultra tired, bloated and I have an on again off again headache that I woke up with.  I know it is all related to all the wonderful hormones I am on, but it sure makes it extremely hard not to think... what if?

I know it is WAY too early for any REAL pregnancy symptoms, but feeling like this makes me have POAS on my mind! Do you think I can hold out?  I have one FRER upstairs.  I should just go use it, to get it out of the house!  WHY OH WHY is the 2WW so hard!?

You really forget how difficult it is, until those P4 symptoms kick into high gear!

I've been pretty crampy since 1dpt, but I will list yesterdays...

• 2dp6dt- cramps, twinges, EXHAUSTED by 3pm (I couldn't finish putting away the groceries I had to lay down!), not a huge appetite.

• 3dp5dt- woke up with a dull headache and its been coming and going today, cramps still, maybe my bb's are getting sore (?), emotional, really tired all day, not a big appetite.

One thing I forgot to mention prior to transfer...  So a week prior to transfer I had been reading about assisted hatching and noticed on all the sites that it mentioned that the steroid, Medrol is necessary to take so your body doesn't reject the embryos and have an inflammatory response. Well, once I realized that, I immediately called my RE's office to speak to a nurse.  Only Barbara was available and she is not my favorite.  She always seems to make me feel like I'm asking too many questions.  Anyway, she said that they no longer use Medrol because new studies have shown it doesn't help either way.

That was not good enough for me!

I emailed Dr. A. and she said that it was true that they didn't normally give Medrol anymore, but looking back at my twins cycle, I WAS ON MEDROL!!!! Can you believe that!?  She said it would be up to me if I wanted it again.  I replied, "absolutely since that was my one cycle that worked!"

I can't help but wonder if that was my missing link for the last three cycles!  So LAME!

This journey can be so frustrating!

I started the Medrol Sunday and finished yesterday.  I had to take 4 pills a day for 4 days.

This morning I also woke up with a sick feeling in my stomach too!  I realized that Assisted Hatching, AH, was not mentioned at transfer and it wasn't on my embryo report.  I have been on the phone with my RE, and no one has an answer for me!  Apparently they are short handed in the lab and the embryologies haven't gotten back!  I just want to confirm it was done... for peace of mind, I guess!

I told C about my fears that AH wasn't preformed.  His reply, "Gods bigger than assisted hatching!" Duh!  He is so confident this is going to work this time!  I love it!  I really need some verses to rebuke doubt right now!  I think I will google some...

Wow!  For those of you who need a kick in the pants on FAITH, read Hebrews 11.  So good!

FET #4 Transfer Day Update!

Thinking PINK!  Although we would be happy, ecstatic, blessed, grateful, with a healthy baby or two no matter the sex!  On our way!

Yesterday went off without a hitch.  Except for the fact that I woke up at 4 am to pee and then couldn't go back to sleep for the life of me because I was TOO EXCITED!  I couldn't believe the day was finally here!  I ended up getting out of bed at 4:30, made a cup of Tulsi Camomile tea and spent some time in The Word.

I'm in reading in 1 Samuel and I'm to the part where Saul went to meet Samuel so he could speak a prophetic word to him.  When he arrived, Samuel said to Saul, I've been waiting for you!  I have a word from the Lord.  He went on and said that he was going to be king and rule over the Isrealites.  Saul replied, who me?  But I am the least in all of my tribe!  He was anointed, filled with the Holy Spirit and went on to be a King!  It was the perfect reading for this transfer day.  I couldn't help but reflect on our last two embryo's.  They were the weakest in the bunch, but God LOVES to use the weak to make them strong!  It was so comforting and reassuring to read this and confirm that I can trust in him and his promises.

We ate a quick breakfast, took quick showers and I used coconut oil as lotion since it is all natural (my favorite anyway), nothing scented!  My friend L came to help with the boys yesterday.  This time we didn't tell ANYONE, besides her, that we were having our transfer.  C is a little superstitious, since we didn't tell anyone with the boys and it worked then.  When I walked out front I looked up and the sky was just gorgeous!  I was like it was a sign that today was going to be perfect...

C and I feeling hopeful before we left!

We arrived in Redondo Beach a little before 9am.  I met my acupuncturist, D,  in the lobby for the first time, she is very sweet and helpful.  C went to go get a cup of coffee at a coffee shop while I had my acupuncture done and I realized I left my water bottle in the car I was supposed to drink!  Acupuncture was okay.  It wasn't that relaxing before transfer because I was SO anxious!  I just wanted to know how my little embabies were doing.  One of my fears was that one would not make the thaw.  However, D brought an awesome meditation for me to listen to which helped a bit.  While I was laying there I was envisioning  God's hands holding our to blasts like usual.  I was also envisioning angels surrounding me blowing trumpets, it was a beautiful thing!  Then as I saw Gods hands, the were suddenly over my belly and I saw him open His hands and let them fall onto my stomach.  It was amazing!  It was like he was telling me they are going to be okay, these are the ones I am giving you!  I pray this is right!

After acupuncture I drank three large glasses of water quickly and took my valium.  They wheeled me into the transfer room, which is the same room I had my ER in too.  Dr. A checked to see if my bladder was full enough, and it wasn't so I had to drink another large glass of water.  I was a little relieved because my valium hadn't kicked in just yet.  A few minutes later Kristine our embryologist from R & M's rescue ICSI cycle came in and I totally teared up!  It was so good to see her!  I showed her a picture of my boys and she said she always shows other couples who end up needing rescue ICSI a picture I gave her of my twins, who need hope!  I thought that was beautiful!  They are such miracles!

Kristine said "BOTH embryo's thawed beautifully!" Praise Jesus!  C got to see them in the petri dish again prior to transfer, just like with the boys.  I think that is so cool!  I am SO thankful we transferred these two back to where it all began!

Our beautiful blasts... The top is a 4AB, and the bottom a 3AB.  He makes the weak STRONG!

Transfer was perfect too!  Dr. A is awesome, she really took her time and researched where Dr. R placed the twins in my Uterus, so she could put these two in the exact same spot!  I do have scar tissue from having my septum removed AND from C-section so I am praying these two find the perfect cozy location.

After transfer I was wheeled back into recovery, where I had my second session of Acupuncture and I listened to another meditation.  This time I was so relaxed I fell asleep!

Lucky socks!

After I woke up, I had to pee!  She wheeled me in a wheel chair to the bathroom, then wheeled me out to meet C who was getting the truck.  I had my legs up and was reclined for the drive home.  Once home, I heated up lunch in the toaster oven, and laid in bed... and fell asleep until 4pm! I tried to get my boys to go to the park while I rested, but they insisted on taking a nap too!  We all slept until 4!

1dp5dt- today I'm sticking to couch rest.  I'm lounging, still in my pjs, drinking water, and trying to pass the time.  I'm going to try real hard not to symptom spot OR POAS this cycle.  We'll see because I can usually tell if its going to be a neg.  Today I am a little crampy, just mild AF type.  I'm shocked my bb's are NOT sore at all.  Last July when I did PIO for the first time, my bb's were sore on transfer day!  Every time is a little different apparently.

Beta day is on October 31!  I'm going to be staying busy busy busy until then!

This was a long post so if you read it all... YOU ROCK!  Please con't to pray for my little embabies!  THANK YOU!!!! xoxo

Today Is The Day! FET #4

I woke up at 4AM to pee... and I've been up since then!  I cannot keep calm!  I tossed and turned and decided to get up, have a cup of tea, and spend time with the Lord.  I've prayed more and prayed harder for these two embryos, just like I did when we conceived the twins.  Gods got this!

Today is going to be a good day!

Its Frozen Embryo Transfer Day!

Please pray our last two embryos thaw perfectly and begin to expand!  Please pray the transfer goes perfectly and our embryos make it to their 'home.'  Please pray they burrow deep and that God breaths life into them!

Thank you so much!

Less than One Week To Go! FET #4

I can't believe we are finally on the countdown to transfer! It is here and it's getting real folks! We are both excited, ready, anxious... I don't want to say scared, scared isn't the right word, I'm at peace that this is our last and final, but I'm nervous about what is to be. What is the answer going to be?

It has been interesting over here. A lot has been happening which has me to believe God has and is truly at work in our lives right now. A ton of prayers have been getting answered, like a ton!  So much has been on my heart and it feels like God has been using this time get my "ducks in a row, " so to speak.  Its weird and I almost can't even explain it!  Here are some examples...

*After years of praying for him, my husband is getting baptized!  He has been totally growing spiritually this year, and I have to believe it is because of what we have been going through that he is ready to fully commit his life to God.

*I am getting re-baptized.  I was baptized when I was 12 in a Seventh Day Adventist church. I chose to be baptized, but I had no relationship with Jesus.  I did it because my friends were and I thought I should.  Soon after I stopped going to church, questioned if there was a God, and became a stoner/Hippy during High School.  I became a born again Christian at 22.  I really wanted to get rebaptized then, but was told I "didn't need" to because I already was baptized at 12.  Well, I really feel God put that on my heart then, and I should have listened.  I have questioned it since!  I am SO excited to be getting baptized again... and with my husband! God is so good!

*A few weeks ago I met this really nice old lady who just moved into a senior center.  She mentioned that her kids/grandkids won't come and visit her.  God laid it on my heart!  So when I was leaving I ran into her in the parking lot and asked if the boys and I could come visit her, she said yes.  It had been a few weeks and I kept trying to go, but one of us kept getting sick!  Its been hanging over my shoulder.  Monday, we did it!  I made some paleo pumpkin muffins and brought them to her with fall flowers.  It was very nice visit and it felt so good serving.  She wants us to come back and make Italian cookies!  Yes please!

*For the last few years my relationship with my brothers has been almost non existent, even though we used to be extremely close.  The only way we would ever take or hangout is if I called, etc.  I have been so hurt by it and had been telling my parents that I was over them!  I felt that they just didn't care about me.  Well, just last Sunday, we decided to head up to my parents on a whim.  My brother came in storming mad at me because we didn't call him and tell him we were at my parents (we live an hour away!).  I was shocked and didn't know how to respond at first.  Long story short, we cleared up the relationship, I am relieved to know my brother loves me.  I called my other brother that night too and made plans to hang out!  God is good!

*This is maybe not as serious, but I truly feel this is a miracle.  My sons have Micky Mouse dolls that we take each trip to Disneyland every time we go.  They got them their very first time there and are very attached.  Last week Maximus lost his at Disneyland.  We didn't know if it was on a ride, or if it fell off the stroller?  As soon as we realized it was gone, the boys and I prayed!  We prayed that the right person would find it.  We went to Lost and Found gave the description and hoped for the best.  I got a call Monday that they found Maximus' Mickey Mouse!  I was shocked and in awe at what an amazing God we have!

Here is a pic of us on the way that day...

The benefit of bringing Mickey every time is the boys don't feel the need for something new all the time!  The appreciate what they have.  They are mailing the other Mickey and it should be here any time.  They can't wait to be reunited ;-)

The list goes on and on!  I just feel like God is preparing me for something big!  I pray its two new miracles!

I did my first PIO shot today... transfer is in five more days!  I've quit caffeine, no more wine... We are SO ready!

Having Faith Through Trials

It is so crazy how God uses times like this to stretch our faith.  I mean, C and I really believed we would get pregnant the first try again with our December 2014 IVF. Ha!  It has almost been one whole year of starting IF treatments for baby #3, and no bambino!  I think that would have been to easy for God.  I think he would rather use this time to grow our faith and give us an amazing story to share with others to give Him all the glory.  I mean, Rocco and Maximus's story just keeps getting more and more miraculous, if I don't say so myself!

How on earth we every conceived, let alone conceived twins, is beyond my brain.

Born with a Septated Uterus

Two surgeries to remove it.

Have PCOS

Have MTHFR gene mutation (everyone with PCOS does, apparently)

Husbands sperm cannot penetrate my eggs (reason unknown)

Almost complete IVF failure

TWO healthy gorgeous boys born Aug. 5, 2011

WHAT AN AMAZING GOD WE HAVE

When I sit and reflect on that, I'm just blown away.  Now, how can I be upset that this time hasn't gone as planned!?  Yes, it is painful, yes, we wish it worked the first time, but then God wouldn't have answered our very first prayer of starting this journey for #3, which was, "Lord, please give us just enough!"  One of our fears was having left over embryos.  Now we won't.  We've used them all, or are about to. Each one will have been placed where it was supposed to go.  They have all been prayed over.

We are currently doing a bible study on faith.  I have to say the timing couldn't be more perfect.  One of the the things I've been struggling with isn't faith, because I believe our God can do anything (see above), but trusting that he will do it again for me.  TRUST has been such a big word for me as we go through this.  It is a scary thing to put all of your trust in something/someone.  I was really convicted about this, going through FET #4.  I wanted to put a wall up, go through the motions, so my heart won't break again, but that is not trusting in what He can do.  I am going to believe in the impossible.

"According to your FAITH, will it be done to you." Matthew 9:29

My faith is strong, My trust is finally catching up, I am believing and praying for our miracles.

Our tentative transfer date is going to be October 16th.  Prayers appreciated :)