I never thought I would say this...

I'm PREGNANT!!!!!!!  176 is the magic Beta number!!!!!! I am in complete shock!!!!!!!! 

***
Updated

Okay, now that I've calmed down a tad...

I'm not in TOTAL shock... I had a small inklings, things that made me think, MAYBE?  Remember a few days ago, I thought maybe I felt the bloat coming back, well it did.  Not too bad though, where I definitely would know either way.  I also felt weird sharp pains down my cervix yesterday.  I got really tired at 6pm, even though I made myself stay up til 10 (I just had the pregnant tired feeling).  I ate a good dinner at CPK's last night. I had the roasted vegetable salad with chicken, asparagus soup, AND 2 small slices of C's very thin crust pizza.  That's a big meal and at 10 I was already hungry!  Plus I woke up at 5am starving and had to go eat!  I thought that was really weird this morning.  Another thing, my bb's have been big and sore from after ER so I knew that wasn't associated, but then they started going away, like 4-5 days ago, but the last couple days they felt way more sore AND huge!  The main give away for me though was the bloating and I had tons of AF cramping.

I know that's a lot of "symptoms" I put those in quotes because I have felt many, not all of them before with my IUI cycles.  Please take them as a grain of salt (if your in the 2WW).  But I know I loved reading others "symptoms" and obsessing over mine :)

So after I posted my last blog entry I was waiting like 30 min and my phone started to ring.  It was 1045, they said they wouldn't call until 1130 or 1200.  I yelled up at C "OMG its the doctors, do I answer it?" I'm freaking out saying this!  He says to answer it and I put it on speaker phone...

Me: "Hello? Hi!"

Nurse Tressa:  "Hi, I thought you weren't going to answer the phone!"

Me:  "I know, but I couldn't help it!"

Nurse Tressa: "Well, I'm glad you did, YOUR PREGNANT!!!"

Me:"OMG, OMG,"  I burst into tears, laughing and crying all at once. C comes running down stairs and grabs me holding me as I cry, with a HUGE smile on his face of course!

Nurse Tressa: "Your HCG is 176, your very pregnant!"

Me:  "Oh wow that's great!" I continue laughing and crying.

Nurse Tressa: "You need to come in Sunday before 9 for your second blood test and continue your meds."

C jumps in, "Thank you Thank you!  Before 9?!  We'll be there!"  He is always the joker.

After he hung up the phone we laughed together in shock and I of course continue crying while he held me.  We are so happy, words cannot express. 

First and foremost...  I thank the Lord for this miracle!  He had His hand in this from the beginning.  Lots of prayer and from His leading, we got to this point.  Praise God for giving us this Blessing!

2010 good bye... Hello 2011!  Happy New Years to you all!  Thanks for following and I so appreciate all of the support through this journey.  It took us 2 1/2 years for us to get our first BFP!!!

waiting....

I woke up at 5am and couldn't go back to sleep!  First off, because I was starving!  I had to go down and eat a bowl of cereal!  Second, because today is the day!

C and I finally dragged ourselves out of bed at 730.  We made it to the RE's at 8.  I shared my story with the nurses about the Rescue ICSI and they felt bad, but found it ironic because I was so worried about fertilization being the problem, and of course it was.  I also warned them that I may not answer the phone and that I'll let it go to VM, because I'm "too scared to hear the results!"  They didn't like that, because they want to hear my reaction (they must have a positive feeline!?).  I'm like, if its good, I'll call you back!

Anyways, now to wait...

8dp5(6)dt

and I'm going nuts!  Yesterday, for some reason, I didn't feel like doing anything!  I just kept googling and reading blogs.  Sorry I didn't update mine!  I didn't really have much to write about though.  I laid on the couch bundled up in two blankets, a beanie, gloves, and my new Ugg slippers, freezing, because our heater has been broken for almost the entire month of December (ours is 30 years old!)!  We are FINALLY getting a new one installed Monday.  As I'm typing this, my fingers feel like icicles, hence the other reason I didn't feel like sitting at the computer yesterday!  I stayed on the couch searching Dr. Google for symptoms or lack there of at 7dp5dt.  I admit it... I DO have a problem!  I'm addicted to Google... until my BETA tomorrow!!!!! 

Yup, that's right!  I called today to see if they would change my Beta from Sunday to tomorrow!  My original date was Saturday, the 1st, but their closed.  So of course, they pushed me back.  I talked some sense in them though.  I know it will show either way tomorrow, New Years Eve!  Tomorrow is technically 15 dpo, but we did the rescue ICSI, so it is now 14 dpo.  There should (better) be some HCG in there!  I am praying there is!!!  Although, I totally do NOT feel pregnant (not that I know what that feels like!).  Although my bb's are a little more sore today, and I feel a tinsy bit bloated.  I was also having a lot of cramping yesterday... AF like.  But, yes, I know, all P4 related!

If I'm not PG (But I am...positive thinking!), I will be able to drink some Champagne New Years!  But I really want to be SOBER for the next YEAR!  Please GOD!!!!

Tomorrow I'm going in early... like 730.  The nurse said the earlier you come in, the earlier you'll get your results!  So, C and i decided that we'll  have her call my cell, but I'm NOT going to answer it.  I will warn them of this tomorrow.  I just can't bare listening to "I'm sorry..." alone!  So, once I get the VM, I'm gonna go to his office, put the message on speaker phone so we can hear it together, good or bad.... PRAYING ITS GOOD!

So wish us luck and please pray for us (either way!).  We want God's will for our lives always!  Just hoping He's ready to give us our miracle!

Now to go warm up my icicles!! LOL


*******
Updated...

I forgot to say congrats to Uneggsplained!!!  She is now VERY pregnant after her first IVF.  So happy for her!  Go over and give her a congrats!

6dp5(6)dt...

and no, I didn't POAS.  I got some sense knocked into me with all of those comments!  Thank you ladies for helping me save face! LOL.  I am probably too scared to see the results anyway. 

Yesterday I was having bouts of doubt (rhyme?).  I had absolutely no symptoms what-so-ever.  Yes, of course the typical P4 symptoms (engorged sore boobs I get every time, twinges, and on again off again cramps), but nothing out of the usual.

I will never forget when I was going through injectable/IUI cycles and when it came to BETA day (D-Day), the nurse would ask if I felt bloated?  I never did.... hence, no pregnancy.

As of yesterday all my OHSS had disappeared...  No more pain, full belly, feelings of fluid splashing around.  And after ER I read that a lot of times OHSS comes back with a BFP, because its HCG induced.  I'm sure that's what the nurse was talking about with the previous cycles.

Well... today I was lounging on the couch, feet on ottoman, I brought my knees in closer to me, and there it was... the feeling of bloat, H2O in the belly again.  But I may be totally crazy!  Maybe it never went away fully?  Maybe its just my imagination?   I'm going to be paying attention to the bloat... and PRAYING it gets worse!!!

5 more days til BETA! I'm freaking out!!!

5dp5(6)dt

I have been really worn out the last couple days.  I mean really exhausted!  Christmas day we opened presents then went over to Mama Pats for Christmas brunch.  When we got home, at 1 pm, I went strait upstairs and put my new Pj's (so comphy!) and went strait to bed.  I slept til 530!  I was so exhuasted.  Yesterday, we went to church, picked up Oliver and drove to C's mom's.  I slept the whole way in the car, and then wasn't really up for being social.  I hate feeling this way.

I would like to say, maybe its early pregancy symptoms!?  But, no.  I get this way EVERY YEAR!  I get so worn out by the time Christmas actually comes, I crash, hard.  Plus I'm sure the P4 (progesterone) and E2(estrogen) patches have a little something to do with it. 

Not to mention the crying!  Okay, yes I'm am one of those!  I usually get annoyed when I read when someone has been "crying for no reason..."  or "the meds are making me crazy!"  Well, I am officially one of them.  I went to sleep crying last night.  When C asked what was wrong, I couldn't even tell him!  I had all these horrible thoughts running in my head.  I feel horrible about it today (I must have caught up on sleep!).  I was sure my feelings were "valid" last night, but now I'm not so sure!?  Why do women have to be so emotional?

Well, I'm 5dp5(6)dt (five days past five (six) day transfer) today!  And yes, I was sooo close to POAS today, but then I realized I only had one internet cheapy left AND I would be pretty devestated if it was negative.  But last night I was googling 5dp5dt and so many people got BFP on this day... especially when carrying multiples!  I'm soooo tempted!

I was just reading my fellow bloggers update at 7dp5dt... She's pregnant!  Go give her a congratulations... My Vegas!!!  She's one day ahead of me (technically two bc of the second day ICSI) and started getting positives 3dp5dt and the line kept getting darker.  I think there's more than one in there!  I'm very happy for her! 

Makes me want to POAS... should I?  My BETA isn't til Jan. 2!  That would be 18dpo!  Crazy!

The transfer...

Went amazingly well! C and I woke up at 5am, took "army" showers with unscented soap, got dress and were in the car by 525 to make it to our 630 appt. It has been raining here very consistently for the past 7 days, so we wanted to make sure we beat any LA traffic! Californians do not know how to drive in the rain!!

We made it the in 30 min so we stopped off at Starbucks for an egg sandwich... they are delish! We arrived at the RE's at 615.  It was nice not being in a huge rush.  Dr. R was already there and was already doing an egg retrieval. 

They called me back and and I got my gown on.  I had a "comfortably full" bladder and popped a Valium.  I had no idea that I was going to get it, but I guess they want you as calm as possible when implanting embryo's.

C and I both were anxious about finding out what we had left.  I knew not all embryo's would make it.  The night before I probably got four hours of sleep and kept dreaming about my embryo's!  Dr. R came in to check on me after he was done with the other patient so I was able to ask him about how many embryo's.  I told him we know the percentage isn't high for rescue icsi, so can we implant more than one?  He said, "well we have one REALLY good blast, and I will talk to the embryologist about what she suggests."

It was finally my turn to go in.  They wheeled me in the bed, back to the ER/ET room.  The embryologist, Kristine S., came in to talk to us about our embies.  She said she was so excited to come in here and talk to us because we were her first rescue ICSI and there is never this good of a response!  She said they have had Rescue Icsi babies, but never rescue icsi blasts (I really don't want to get my hopes up, but its so hard when you hear things like this!)!  She showed us pics of the TWO blasts she suggested we implant.  One, a grade 4AA, and one an early blast (not sure of grading).  I think that is good!  She was really positive and said, "if you have a baby, no WHEN you have the baby, you have to bring it back to show me."  I said, "of course!" She also said that for baby # 2, they'll do ICSI right away and we'll have a lot of great embryo's!


So, we signed all the paper work and she wheeled in the incubator with our embies in it (it looks like an actual incubator for new born babies).  Kristine called C over and asked him if he wanted to take a look at the embies.  He actually got to see them through a microscope in the incubator before going in me!  He said he could see them moving around!  Crazy!

I was all strapped in, ultrasound ready, Kristine brought the embies over to Dr. R and he inserted the catheter (didn't hurt one bit!).  We could see it on the screen.  He let one embryo drop and  a white flash went on the screen then the other.  We saw them both... so amazing!

I had to lay there for 30 min afterward, then I got dressed and fell asleep in the car on the way home.  C brought me up to bed and I slept til almost noon.  Valium is good ;-)

I am supposed to be on STRICT bed rest for 48 hours.  I have mostly been watching movies while C makes me breakfast, lunch and dinner.  I would say this is the life, but it is TORTURE FOR ME.  I really give those mom's props who do this for months on end.  When I am not feeling sick, I like to be active, and up doing things.  I am on the count down til the morning!

So, tonight I am supposed to be having a Christmas Eve Eve dinner with my family...  My Mom, Dad, brothers, sis in laws, niece, and three nephews.  I had C call my mom yesterday to break the bad news that we weren't able to come and she was devastated and almost started crying!  C came home and felt so bad!  We haven't told my parents about IVF.  They had no idea.  So, C felt so bad that he felt we should tell them...

I was so excited to!  I told them everything, starting back from October!  They both got choked up.  I am happy we told them... more people praying for our embies and a Christmas miracle!

Happy December ICLW!

 And THANK YOU to all of you leaving kind, supportive comments and cheering my lil embies on!  I sincerely appreciate it!  This is such a difficult thing to have happen, but we are still holding onto hope!

EMBY...  the only way to find out if there is a fertilization problem is in the petri-dish, unfortunately.  I had a feeling that this might be the problem when we were going through IUI cycles, and I knew we would find when/if we did IVF.  My husband calls me a "hypochondriac."  But, for some reason, my intuition is usually correct.

A recap of the past year...

January... find out my uterine septum is back for the second time, via office hysteroscopy
February... surgery #2 to remove the uterine septum.  Balloon put in my uterus for 2 weeks.
March... balloon comes out, uterus still healing. Office hysteroscopy, Uterus cleared, septum gone!
April... TTC on our own, BFN
May...Follistim/IUI #3.  Great cycle, ovulate 6 eggs... BFN
June... devastated, DH and I decide maybe kids aren't in our future.  Break from IF treatments and blogging.
July... TTC on our own.
August...TTC on our own, celebrate anniversary #3 in Kauai, talk about IVF??
Sept... Met new RE Dr. R, loved him!  He wanted us to do clomid
Oct.. period never came, tired of waiting... On to IVF!
Nov... BCP/Lupron
Dec... Stims, ER, ET, BETA!



And now here we are....  After another "amazing cycle" (God, I'm tired of RE's telling me that!), barely hanging onto rescue ICSI'd embryo's.  Tomorrow's the big day, Day 5 (6) Embryo Transfer.  We have to be there tomorrow at 630 am for transfer of one (I'm going to ask for two) embryo's.

Prayer is what is keeping me strong through this!

5 turned into 13...

embryo's as of yesterday, day 2!  I am in total disbelief!  They haven't checked on them today yet, but as of yesterday we have 13 EMBRYO'S!!!!  Not just 13, but 13 embryo's that are looking pretty good!  According to the embryologist, a embryo that has four cells on day two is really good, we have some that are SIX CELLS!  Dr. R is pushing me to a day 5 transfer so they can transfer blasts (I know that is good even though I'm still learning all the embryo lingo)!!!  Here's what I found...


IVF Timetable


Day 0 Egg retrieval
          Sperm collection and preparation
          Insemination

Day 1 Check eggs for fertilization (the presence of two pronuclei or PN's)

Day 2 Embryos at the 4-cell or more stage of development

Day 3 Embryos at the 8-cell or more stage of development

Day 4 Embryos at the compacted morula (16-32 cell) stage

Day 5 Embryos at the blastocyst stage of development


The embryologist is really blown away by how good they are doing.  I asked, "aren't embryo's usually not that good with rescue ICSI?"  She replied, "yes, we really can't explain how this is happening!"  I said "my prayers are working!" and she responded, "well keep doing what your doing!"

I am praying... for a miracle this Christmas!

Yesterday...

I spent most of the day laying on the couch. First because I felt like crap from ER. My stomach is very bloated, has a VERY full feeling, and its very uncomfortable. I'm pretty sure I have mild OHSS.  I can feel little stings in my ovaries occasionally. It feels like I have serious indigestion. I have been staying away from carbs (breads, pasta's, rice, etc) and drinking a lot of pedialyte and Gatorade. Not sure if its helping much because I felt way worse yesterday than the day before.

Second, I gave myself the day to be depressed. On one hand, I was pretty devastated (I feel like crap for nothing!). On the other hand, we have a diagnosis! After 2 1/2 years of ttc, we now know why we can't get pregnant! Even though I have pcos, I ovulate. Even though I was born with a septate uterus, it doesn't cause IF. C's sperm just don't want anything to do with my eggs!

Since I spent most of the day on the couch, I also used my android for some serious research with Dr. Google. What I read was pretty devastating (which did not help me feeling helpless and depressed!)!  With Rescue ICSI, eggs are old so the likely hood of them making good embryo's is slim and the likely hood of any implanting of giving you a baby is 7%. 7%!!!! That's not very much. However, I also asked Dr. Google to show me some success stories with Rescue ICSI... I found some! So I do have hope again! Especially since Dr. R called with our report a few min ago...

Dr. R... "I am calling with a better tone in my voice today!"

Me... "Okay???"

Dr. R... "We have at least five embryo's, but the embryologist is going to call you in a little bit with the official report!"

Me... "Thank you God! On the bright side at least we have a diagnosis!"

Dr. R... "Ya, but not the best way to do it!"

Me... "No kidding!"

So, we have AT LEAST five! FIVE embryo's! This is the CLOSEST we have EVER came to being pregnant! We actually have little babies growing in a petri-dish! I cannot believe it!

I know the likelihood of them making babies is slim. But, I am praying for a miracle! Miracles happen every day!

We are now doing a Day 3 transfer, which is really a Day 4 from ER, Monday afternoon sometime!  I am also going to ask if we can implant more then one since the quality isn't going to be as high! 

Will know more soon!  I have HOPE again!

Bad news...

I had 29 not 28 good and mature eggs. C had a great sample with a high count and good morphology. However WE HAVE NO EMBRYO'S. My greatest fear has come true... C's sperm cannot penetrate my eggs!

I just got off the phone with Dr. R and he feels very bad. They are going to do "rescue ICSI," but the likly hood that we will have good embryo's are very small now. I'm devestated, to say the least.

Dr. R will call tomorrow with a new report. Please pray for a miracle!

28...

Is the magic number! I am currently laying in bed recovering. After the surgery I was in a lot of pain so they hooked me up with some demeral, which helped a lot!

I'm shocked at the huge number, and very thankful. I won't know til tomorrow abot the maturity of all of them or the fertilization. Right now... some r&r.

Thanks for the good thoughts and well wishes :)

Tonights the night...

to trigger!  I'm gonna be "trigger happy" tonight! LOL.  I gotta get these suckers out!  I am so uncomfortable.  Not necessarily bloated, but I can definately a LOT of pressure in there.  I am also peeing more often with less pee.  My ovaries are sitting on my bladder :-P

Bad news... I have to work up the courage to give myself the shot in the butt MYSELF tonight at EXACTLY 10:30.  I cannot mess around.  I have always said "I work better under pressure" so it works in this circumstance too "I shoot better under pressure."  Wish me luck!

Good news... I don't have to do the progesterone shots!!!  I told the nurse that C can't give them to me because of his fear of needles.  She called Dr. R and he gave the okay for the suppositories! YAY!  I was so scared of those things!  I do have to insert one vaginally 3/day and they are messy, but its so worth it to me!

The lab is in another office in Redondo Beach (literally across the street from my old work at the high school).  Because we live about an hour away with LA traffic, we are getting a hotel down there so we don't have to rush and deal with the traffic at 7am.  Plus C cannot (will not) produce the sample in the office, he has to do it in the comfort of "his own home" (and with the help of his wife!).  He is all embarrassed about it for whatever reason. 

We are scheduled for 830.  I probably won't post tomorrow, but please keep us in your prayers!

I was terribly mistaken...

about the number of follicles (eggs) I have.  I have over 20 ranging from 13-15mm in diameter now.  What happens is the doctors stop counting after they get a good idea of what their working with and say "PCO".  I saw Dr. R today, he was pretty impressed and said I'm doing "quite well," and "surgery is definitely on for Thursday!"  I'm going to trigger tomorrow night sometime, which I will find out more at tomorrows appointment.

From what I've read about PCOS, it may affect egg quality.  So, even though we have lots of follicles, they may not all be mature or the best quality.  If we have 20 eggs retrieved I will be ecstatic if half of them make embryo's.

The nurse wants me on a low-carb diet now so my body doesn't retain lots of water after ER.  I responded, "at Christmas time?"  Its so hard right now.  I'm loving not being on a diet.  She also wants me to "take it easy and rest."  No problem, I'm exhausted from all the holiday festivities!!

Because of our faith, choosing to move forward with IVF was really difficult.  I was concerned about having extra embryo's.  What would we do with them?  Although the bible doesn't discuss IVF, it is our belief that at conception a life is formed.  For some people they are cells, and to C and I they will be our babies.  If some don't make it, I will know I will have babies waiting for me in heaven.  I just keep praying that God gives us what we can handle.  C and I had decided that we would use all the embryo's we get.  I am having faith that God will bless us with the right amount.  Not to many, and hopefully, not too little.  Its a little scary having PCOS, because of all the follicles we produce!

Not sure if I mentioned this before... because I still have the residual septum, Dr. R only wants to implant a SINGLE embryo.  I am a little bummed because I have always dreamed of having twins, but because I have this funky uterus it is safer for me and my potential baby.

I have been contemplating the what ifs...

If this cycle doesn't work... I MAY take out the septum (then Dr. R would implant two embies)
If I have a chemical pregnancy... I WILL take out the septum
If I have a miscarriage... I WILL take out the septum
If this cycle works... I WILL THANK GOD FOR THE MIRACLE AND PRAY DAILY FOR THE SAFETY OF THIS BABY

Crazy busy weekend...

I just got home from a baby shower and C's family xmas party.  I also had a dr appt this morning and will continue to have one daily til ER.

Yesterdays appointment went well and I am happy to report that some of the follicles are taking off and leaving some behind!  I'm not sure how many there are but I don't think we'll have 20 for the ER (yay!).  Currently, they range from 10-16mm and estrogen is at 1500.  Dr. C (the other RE in the practice) says that she wants them at 18mm in diameter, which means, that if your have a 20 x 16mm its diameter would be 18mm and that would most likely make them mature.

I am a little bummed because I thought we would be triggering (taking the HCG shot) monday night and ER would be Wednesday and its looking like I'm going to trigger Tuesday and ER is going to be Thursday.  But, whatever is best for my lil eggies, is okay with me :)

I am still taking 225 iu of Gonal F and 75 iu Menapur and 5 iu Lupron .  Tomorrow they want me to take the Lupron before I come in for my appointment and take the Menapur with me to the appointment.  Not sure why?  Hopefully I do not have to take it tomorrow... it seriously burns!!

My tummy is so sore and tender from all the shots.  I seriously have lil pin holes all over it!  Also, I am feeling more and more pressure down there and its getting really uncomfortable during the pelvic u/s.

Will update more tomorrow!!

**I am also required to take baby asprin to help with blood flow, contiue my metformin for pcos, and of course, a prenatal vitamin.  I'm taking citra natal.  I like it because it comes with an omega 3 pill too :)

Its getting crowded...

in my ovaries!  Since yesterday, I have been progressively getting more uncomfortable.  I feel pressure in my pelvic area and I'm worried because ER isn't going to be til NEXT WEEK!  I know its only going to get worse.  I'm also VERY worried about OHSS, especially since I was so uncomfortable after my last IUI's and I O'd only SIX eggs (which was very dangerous for IUI!). 

My blood work Tuesday showed an increase in estrogen and then I had a follow up appt yesterday.  All of my lil follicles measured 10-11mm which was good, but when I asked how many... he responded 20 + (yikes)!!  He is HOPING that we get about 12 good eggs  instead of 20 okay ones.  BUT, I have so many already growing!  I thought that they would also lower my dose, but nope, I'm still taking 225 iu's of Gonal F.  My estrogen level is just slowing plugging along.  It was at 350 yesterday.

On a good note, I spent the week at my parents since C was in Dallas.  I had such a good time.  My mom and I made ginger bread cookies and decorated them.  They are yummy!  I also got ALL of my xmas shopping done.  Since the next couple weeks are going to be filled with IVF appointments and I am not sure how I'm going to be feeling after ER, I had to get it done.

(Its my Oliver cookie!)

When I picked C up from the airport, there was almost no space in the back of my car (with the seats down) for his suitcase!  Its full of presents! 

I'm not sure about the side effects of all this medication, but I have been having really bad headaches on and off this week, also I've been seriously tired, and I ate so many carbs at my parents (its carb heaven over there!).  But, its either the meds OR I'm STILL detoxing from caffeine but I haven't drank any coffee in weeks only ice OCCASIONALLY, I'm tired from all the xmas shopping (?), and I may have ate so many carbs because its comfort food and I ate emotionally since I was "home."  Not sure?  I do feel bloated, but I think that is from all the food.  When I got home today, I slept for 3 hours.  It was nice. 

Oh... my mom never found out about the meds, but I do suspect she thinks we are doing some kind of IF treatment since I had to leave for a Dr appt.  And on Wed. I had to drive ALL the way home because I forgot "something" at home that was mucho importante (my Lupron, but I couldn't tell her!)!  That wasn't fun, its an hour drive each way.

I have another appt in the morning!  Will post my stats tomorrow :)

37...

was my estrogen yesterday... a measly 37 (Boo!).  Dr. R was a little concerned so they had me come back today to make sure SOMETHING was going on in there.  I had some measurable ones on each ovary, THANK GOD, but they were still really little.  They ranged from 5mm to 7mm.  I had to give more blood today as well, which hurt because she did the same arm as yesterday!.  I have been taking 75iu of menopur, 150iu Gonal F and 5iu Lupron.  Everything stays the same except he upped my Gonal F to 225.  I'm praying they start to grow.  The good news is that there aren't too many and they are NOT growing too fast!  I'm happy about that.

So... I took some of your advice from yesterday, and did my shots in the belly.  It was MUCH better.  I iced before the Lupron shot and it went right in (maybe my skin isn't as tough on my belly?).  I did the Menopur nice and S-L-O-W and that went well too.  It didn't take me 20 minutes this time either.  Progress is being made!  Thank you!

C is flying out today to Dallas for work.  I am going to my parents for the next few days.  I am really excited, I love going home.  But, we are keeping IVF a secret so its going to be interesting hiding these shots from my mother!  On thanksgiving, I hid  the Lupron way back in a Tupperware container in the veggie drawer.  She didn't see it, but I think she was distracted with all the company over.  We'll see if I can get away with it!  I'm not good at hiding stuff from my mom :)

My next appt is Thursday... Praying 225iu does the trick!

I've regressed...

completely and utterly regressed.  I am now afraid to give myself the shots.  It is ridiculous!  I have been standing here in my kitchen for the last 20 min. icing my leg, trying to shoot, then icing the other leg, then trying to shoot, then my belly, etc.  WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!?  I'll tell you what is wrong.  Those dang Lupron needles feel dull and Menopur HURTS!  I did the Lupron this morning and I swear I stabbed myself then had to stab FURTHER to shove the needle in!  This is nuts!  Now I cannot build up the courage to do the Menopur!  After yesterdays experience... burning while injecting and then feeling the ball of what feels like a gel under the skin and not to mention the sore spots on the leg that you can feel the NEXT DAY!
I cannot go through this everyday.  Its making me crazy!  Does anyone know the best place to shoot Menapur?  I wish I had someone to give me these dang shots!

Here we grow...

I just got home from Dr. R's.  I think I should just move right in since I'm going to be spending so much time there the next two weeks!  I went yesterday for my baseline U/S (ultrasound) and B/W (blood work).  Blood came back "nice and low" according to Tressa, my nurse.  My lining was also thin and my ovaries still showed tons of follicles (THANK YOU PCOS!).    Dr. R gave the okay to start the stims today!  I had them sent to the office so Tressa could show me how mix and shoot all the different meds.  Its pretty overwhelming.  I made C come so he can be my second pair of eyes and remember things that I may not... although we all know he will NOT be helping me with the injections! LOL.

I did 10iu's of Lupron this morning and then did my first shot of Menopur.  Unfortunately I'm doing Menopur and Gonal F.  I was looking forward to the Follistim because it comes premixed with a nice little pen to do the shots, kind of like an epipen.  Menopur and Gonal F you have to mix and powder and a fluid to get the drug ready to be injected.  Its a pain.  Oh well.  Hopefully 10 more days of this!  Tressa thinks that the ER (Egg Retrieval) is going to be on Wednesday, the 15th "if I'm an average patient."  We'll see though.  My ovaries are really good at making eggs (again, thank you pcos), when I am taking meds.  Lets just hope they are good quality.  I can't wait to find out!

One of my fears is that my eggs shell is going to be too hard for C's sperm to penetrate.  Dr. D mentioned that he thought that may be an issue and recommended ICSI.  And Dr. R never mentioned that and thinks they'll be fine.  What would happen if none of them fertilized?  I don't even want to think about it!  I need to keep the Faith that God lead us hear, and not let FEAR creap in!

My next appointment is Monday.  I go in for just for b/w and then Wednesday I go in for b/w and u/s.  Praying these little follies start to G-R-O-W!

Ouch!

I am pretty much a pro at giving myself injections in the gut.  But the other day it hurt!  It almost felt like the needle was a little dull.  Ever since then I am having the hardest time giving myself the shot.  Yesterday I had to close my eyes and this morning, for example, I was sitting there counting down to myself "3..2..1..." and then nothing.  I couldn't do it.  I was in my robe (because it is FREEZING in our house... our heater is broken!), I litterally started sweating and had to take the robe off.  Rediculous!  Finally I had the bright idea to ice my belly then shoot it.  I am not sure if it felt any better, but at least I got it in. 

As for C, he can not help me at all.  He is the biggest baby when it comes to needles. Yesterday, I came downstairs and he was on the computer and asked him to give me the shot.  He freaked out and made me leave the room so he wouldn't pass out!  I think there is reason God made women to carry babies!